chocolate giveaway winner!

Thank you all for entering my giveaway. I enjoyed reading all your favorite chocolates. Made me drool LOL!



And now for the winner!

Sarah @ runningonwords

I hope you and the little girl in your belly enjoy the chocolate! Oh and your Hubby if you share with him LOL! Let me know what candy you would like me to add to the prize.


The winner was chosen randomly through rafflecopter. You can see the widget drawing announcement here.

mini meltdown

I feel like I have been a bad blogger. I just don't know what to write. I have a few things partially written, but I just can't finish them right now because they are upsetting me too much. I am trying to keep up with you guys because I enjoy reading and commenting and you keep my mind off myself. I have been just trying to get through each day and I was doing fine till yesterday.

Yesterday a bunch of stupid little things happened and it got me to the point where I had a mini meltdown.

The day started off with my blood test for progesterone. Right after my IUI the Dr told me to come back Wednesday for my blood test, so I did. When I got there I was told I was a day early. I told them I would come back the next day, but I was told to wait while they talk to the nurse. A half hour later I was called in and got my blood test.

When the nurse called me she said "Ya know, you came in a day early and the test is not accurate, but take the progesterone because it won't hurt" I told her how I was told by the Dr to come in that day and I told them I would come back if they wanted me to and they just took it anyway. I figured I would be taking it anyway since I had to last time. I got a little upset when she sounded like she was reprimanding me for coming in too early. Maybe she was having a bad day cuz her tone wasn't very nice.

The Hubby texted me to tell me he just found out he has to go on a business trip next week. He leaves on Valentines day. I hate when he goes away! I got upset.

Then, I had a big glass of soda and I was enjoying it a ton. I knocked it all over the floor and I didn't have any more. I was so pissed. It was stupid, but I got upset.

The final thing that put me over the edge was our fake Christmas tree. Don't judge me. Our tree was still up, naked. I have been too lazy to take it down. So I started to take it apart and was struggling with it. The branches just didn't want to fold up. I tried tying twine around each layer, it kept breaking. Tried squishing it and just wrapping it with the bubble wrap it came with, it just wouldn't fit in the box. The branches were scratching my arms and I was all itchy and red. After 45 minutes of this I had a little hissy fit and started balling my eyes out!

First I was just crying about the stupid tree and then every emotion I was feeling about this IUI came out. I am so scared of this not working! I am scared of being disappointed again. I am so tired of my body failing. The Hubby yells at me when I say that because I am not failing. Both our bodies have issues that are contributing. I still feel like my body is failing because it is happening inside me.

All the babies around me are having big moments. Rolling over, crawling, walking and saying first words and the pictures and texts I get are just killing me. Just more reminders of what I am missing out on.

My psyc says I am putting too much pressure on myself. She says I need to put getting pregnant this month out of my mind. Just say it's not going to happen now, but I will be pregnant in the next 6 months. Make the plan not as specific. Keep reminding myself that we are working on it. We are actually doing something. I don't know how to do that. I feel like the only thing that is getting me through this is the hope that this is going to work. I don't know how to find a happy medium. I am so lost.



DON'T FORGET TO ENTER MY CHOCOLATE GIVEAWAY!!!! MAKE SURE YOU CLICK THE GREEN ENTER BUTTONS FOR EACH ACTION YOU TAKE!!!! A FEW OF YOU ANSWERED THE QUESTION, BUT DIDN'T ENTER ON THE RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM!

chocolate giveaway!!

I wanted to do a giveaway during the 2ww of my first IUI, but I was busy traveling and all different stuff. So this time I am going to do 2 giveaways! 1 for each week of my 2ww! The first one starts today.

This may not be a very exciting giveaway, but I know lots of you will like it. I am giving away...

CHOCOLATE!!!!

I decided to do this because when I get my medication from my mail IF pharmacy they give me chocolate with it. It is such a sweet gesture and I think everyone should get that. Even if you are not cycling chocolate always makes your day a little bit better.

I don't know what everyone likes so I decided to share my favorites! I hope you like them. I have been on a chocolate kick for the past few months or so. I always get the little individual wrapped ones so I can allow myself 2 a day max. I usually eat one or a little handful of the pieces after I take all my baby making pills at night. I give myself a few after my trigger shot!

So the winner will get everything in the pic above and 1 kind of chocolate of your choice! If you would like something other than chocolate like a hard or gummy candy that is fine too! I personally love swedish fish! Whatever you are craving!

I am going to try and use Rafflecopter! Go ahead and enter below!

IUI #2

Just like last time we were at the hospital, sample in hand, at 6:30 am. We handed it off and went down to the cafeteria for some breakfast while it was washed. I was actually able to eat this time. I was a lot less nervous.

When we came back up we didn't even have time to sit down. We were called right in. I stripped down to my fuzzy socks and hopped on the table. A couple minutes later the Dr came in. It wasn't Dr G this time. It was the Dr who did a lot of my US for this and last IUI. I really like her! I think I like her better than Dr G. She seems happier all the time and is just a hopeful person.

She gave me the paper to sign and showed me the post wash count. It was the same as last time, lower than they would like. She saw my face, that I was a little disappointed. She looked at me, smiled and said "I know it is less than you would have liked, but it can still work!" She was upbeat through the whole thing. It was just as quick at the last one and I laid there for 10 min and we left.

I am kinda happy things were sped up and weren't "planned". It gave me no time to think. I am feeling good.

I did have a little pink on the toilet paper about an hour after which I didn't have the last time. Then like 6 hours after I had some old brown blood mixed with CM that was enough to get a little on my undies. I think it was just from them roughing up my cervix a bit I guess. I am not gonna worry about it. And like the last time I am not gonna be googling anything! Anyone have this after an IUI?

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Check back tomorrow. I will be doing a little 2WW giveaway!

righty is in a rush!

First I wanted to give you an update on V. They gave her donor platelets, got all her numbers under control and she was released. No baby yet! I think they will induce next week if she doesn't go into labor.



I went for my CD10 blood work and US. They found lefty right away and I have a couple of 14mm. Then like usual it took them a while to find righty. When she did she got quiet. She measured a couple things and then told me "you have a 20mm follicle on your right". My jaw dropped! 20mm!!!!! On CD10!!!! What the heck? I was told to trigger today and come in tomorrow for the IUI! We will see what the spermie count is tomorrow and we might do another one on Monday.

At first I got a little worried. The Hubby and I try to plan it out so we abstain for 2 days before the IUI. We had planned on "resetting his balls" (as he calls it LOL!) this morning when I got back thinking it would be like last time and the IUI would be either Monday or Tuesday. We couldn't do that because then it would be less than 24 hours. The last time we did the horizontal polka was Wednesday night so that means tomorrow will be 3 1/2 days. I hope we get a good sample. Also, if we end up doing a second IUI it will only be a 24 hour sample the second time. I don't know how good it will be because of his low count already. We will see what she suggests tomorrow.

I have a big very strange favor to ask. I have been thinking a lot about my Poppy (Grandpa) recently. He died 2 years ago in January. I am working on a post about him. Well, he told me that rubbing a pregnant belly is good luck. He had me rub 2 of them at my wedding LOL! All you pregnant ladies out there, I don't care how far along you are, would you give your belly a little rub and think of me? I would really appreciate it.

I would also appreciate any good thoughts and prayers and crossing of anything. I am putting so much of me into this. I have found my hope again and I have such a strong feeling right now it is bringing me to tears.

Tomorrow we had planned on moving furniture. My Nana sold her house and my friend and I are taking furniture she can't fit in her condo. I am taking a couple special pieces that my Poppy either made or were special to him. Anyway, I know I shouldn't be lifting things just in case so thank goodness there will be 3 strong men so I can lay low and still don't have to tell anyone that I just had an IUI.

I know some of you out there are going through some rough times right now. Bad news, stressful 2WWs and other things. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I love you guys! This is for you.

I love Van Morrison, but I'm feelin Rod Stuart tonight.

 "Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too"

a little detached

First thanks for all the thoughts and prayers for V.  She is still in the hospital, but they didn't induce her. They are keeping an eye on her and giving her platelets from a donor. She is still 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. She is not contracting. I guess they are going to keep the little one in as long as possible as long as neither of them are in danger. I will keep you posted.


So I am currently on CD8 and I took my last 100mg of clomid last night. I go on Saturday for CD10 blood work and our first follicle check.

Has anyone else been kinda "detached" from the second IUI cycle? Last month for our first IUI cycle my mind was on nothing but that. I was mentally present for every pill, I was feeling for and noticed every ovarian twinge while my follies were growing and felt every emotional side effect from the clomid. This time notsomuch.

I feel like I am just going through the motions. I take my pills and go about my day. I don't really feel like I am in a cycle. Kinda doesn't feel like we are trying. The only time I feel any twinges is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and even then not many. Mabey I rarely notice them because I am not waiting for them.

I think I am keeping pretty good control of the emotional side effects. They feel less this time around. I only felt a little emotional on day 2 of clomid. Maybe because it's not "new" anymore I know what to expect and have prepared myself? Maybe I am distancing myself from it so I don't get hurt if it is a negative? Maybe I am just less nervous?

I did have a little bit of a bad thought today. What if the reason I am not feeling as much is cause the clomid isn't working? Can your body get used to it this fast and not work? I am not going to google and freak myself out. I will find out on Saturday and if there is a problem we will deal with it then.

I am still totally excited for this and hoping so hard that is works. After the craziness of last month I feel so subdued.


 Also,
I needed a change. I decided to change up the look of my blog. You guys have probably come in at different points and seen some strange setups. I just couldn't find something that made me happy. I think I finally did. But when I finally got it all set up, some stuff on my blog disappeared. My blogroll was completely empty. I don't know about anyone else, but my blog list on my dashboard will not let me add a lot of the blogs I follow it never has. I add them and they never show up so the only way I can see new posts for a lot of you is on my blogroll on my blog. I went through my history and I think I put everyone back on. I hope I did. If you know that I follow you and had your blog on my list and don't see it there now please let me know. I learned about google reader last night so maybe I will try that. Hopefully google will let me add you guys.

prayer request

Remember my cousin V? The one I made the most recent blanket for, well she is in the hospital right now. She isn't actually due till the 21st. She is having issues with her blood pressure being high and her platelets are extremely low. She is not contracting but is already 4cm and her cervix has thinned out a ton. They will probably induce her today.

Please say a little prayer or just send out some good vibes that she has a smooth delivery and everyone is healthy.