EDIT: I am going to put the pics back. I still do not want to upset
anyone, but I really like the pics I had. I think the clomid really
heightened my feeling of guilt. Feeling guilty is a big problem for me and I don't think I should be feeling guilty for this. I need to work through it not just "fix" it. I hope you all understand. From now on I will not be editing my posts.
Original post:
I want to apologize for the pictures in my last post. I stupidly didn't think and put pictures
of baby's feet sticking out of the blanket. I guess I was just thinking
it wasn't belly or US pics which I would never post on my main page. I
apologize to anyone I may have upset. I should have put a warning. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I changed the picture.
Monday, January 30, 2012
crochet show & tell: baby blankets
When I was born my Nana crocheted me a beautiful yellow blanket (they didn't know if I was a boy or girl) I grew up with that blanket. It wrapped me in the love of my family. Comforted me when I was sad. Protected me in the middle of the night when I was scared. It was a cape, a tent, even a Christmas tree skirt a few years and so many other things. I kept it on my bed most of the time and it never really left the house. That blanket survived 25 years and many repairs till it was just too far gone. I got rid of it only a few months before I got married.
I loved my blanket. It was very special to me and even though I don't have it anymore I have wonderful memories of it. That is what I want to give when I make a baby blanket for someone I love. Something special they can hold onto for years and make memories like I did. I can just picture Little L running around the house with his blanket cape flapping in the wind. Or Little Z building a tent and crawling under with his books and a flashlight. I make all the blankets about 3' by 4' a good toddler size so they can grow with it.
Making a baby blanket for someone I love makes me so extremely happy. It is also extremely emotionally draining for me. I put my heart and soul and usually some tears into them. It is difficult because I can't wait to make a blanket for my own child. Have them experience the comfort and all the fun things I remember.
The first baby blanket I made was back in May for my Best Cousin T's baby shower. She is like me. We really appreciate hand made things and even more if they were made by someone we cared about. She had said to me once that she wished Momma could still crochet so I knew she would love a blanket for her baby. I chose a pastel blue because she was going with blue and green for Little L's nursery. She was so surprised! I think what made it even more special is that I made my first blanket for my Godson. He uses it all the time.
The second blanket I made was in July for my Bestie N. Her and her Hubby lovingly call it the "Blanket of Epic Deceit". I didn't tell N that I was crocheting again and she had no idea I already made a blanket for T. While N and I were out shopping I asked her to stop by the craft store with me. I told her I decided to surprise T with a blanket for newborn Little L and I needed help picking out yarn. N was having a blast putting together colors she loved and thought T would like too. Little did she know she picked out the yarn for her own blanket LOL! Over the next month I crocheted the blanket right in front of N. She kept telling me how beautiful it was and how T was going to love it! Boy was she surprised when she opened it at her shower! She couldn't stop crying. They have wrapped Little Z in the blanket since the day he came home from the hospital. It is so great getting text pics of him and his blanket every once in a while.
The most recent blanket I made for my Cousin V. I love her and wanted to make her a blanket, but I was in a pretty bad place and was still kinda upset from our August visit. To make it easier on me I kinda separated myself from the blanket. I didn't pick the colors and it wasn't a surprise. In October when we visited again I told V how I wanted to make her one and it would be a great help if she could pick out the colors. I don't know why, but doing that helped me a ton. I was able to make the blanket and not get as upset. I didn't actually make it till December. Her shower was 2 weeks ago. She loved it and was still surprised even thought she knew she was getting it. I can't wait to get a pic of her baby boy and the blanket.
After I take a little break I will be starting another blanket to give away to my friend B. This will be #4. I'm still a little upset, but I am excited at the same time. I don't think B has any idea I still crochet so she will be very surprised to get a blanket. I just have to wait and see if they find out the sex and see what colors they are picking for the nursery before I start.
I loved my blanket. It was very special to me and even though I don't have it anymore I have wonderful memories of it. That is what I want to give when I make a baby blanket for someone I love. Something special they can hold onto for years and make memories like I did. I can just picture Little L running around the house with his blanket cape flapping in the wind. Or Little Z building a tent and crawling under with his books and a flashlight. I make all the blankets about 3' by 4' a good toddler size so they can grow with it.
Making a baby blanket for someone I love makes me so extremely happy. It is also extremely emotionally draining for me. I put my heart and soul and usually some tears into them. It is difficult because I can't wait to make a blanket for my own child. Have them experience the comfort and all the fun things I remember.
The first baby blanket I made was back in May for my Best Cousin T's baby shower. She is like me. We really appreciate hand made things and even more if they were made by someone we cared about. She had said to me once that she wished Momma could still crochet so I knew she would love a blanket for her baby. I chose a pastel blue because she was going with blue and green for Little L's nursery. She was so surprised! I think what made it even more special is that I made my first blanket for my Godson. He uses it all the time.
 |
| Piggies in a blanket! I just love when they stretch their toes out all funny! |
The second blanket I made was in July for my Bestie N. Her and her Hubby lovingly call it the "Blanket of Epic Deceit". I didn't tell N that I was crocheting again and she had no idea I already made a blanket for T. While N and I were out shopping I asked her to stop by the craft store with me. I told her I decided to surprise T with a blanket for newborn Little L and I needed help picking out yarn. N was having a blast putting together colors she loved and thought T would like too. Little did she know she picked out the yarn for her own blanket LOL! Over the next month I crocheted the blanket right in front of N. She kept telling me how beautiful it was and how T was going to love it! Boy was she surprised when she opened it at her shower! She couldn't stop crying. They have wrapped Little Z in the blanket since the day he came home from the hospital. It is so great getting text pics of him and his blanket every once in a while.
 |
| Do you see the pink and other specks in the white? N loved it even for a boy. I think it is cool too! |
The most recent blanket I made for my Cousin V. I love her and wanted to make her a blanket, but I was in a pretty bad place and was still kinda upset from our August visit. To make it easier on me I kinda separated myself from the blanket. I didn't pick the colors and it wasn't a surprise. In October when we visited again I told V how I wanted to make her one and it would be a great help if she could pick out the colors. I don't know why, but doing that helped me a ton. I was able to make the blanket and not get as upset. I didn't actually make it till December. Her shower was 2 weeks ago. She loved it and was still surprised even thought she knew she was getting it. I can't wait to get a pic of her baby boy and the blanket.
 |
| V likes a more modern look and she actually painted the nursery gray. For the blanket she chose Gray, Navy blue (looks black in the pic), Green and Orange. Sorry for the bad camera phone pic. I forgot to take a pic before I left so she texted me this pic. |
After I take a little break I will be starting another blanket to give away to my friend B. This will be #4. I'm still a little upset, but I am excited at the same time. I don't think B has any idea I still crochet so she will be very surprised to get a blanket. I just have to wait and see if they find out the sex and see what colors they are picking for the nursery before I start.
Friday, January 27, 2012
pardon me while i dream
Thank you so much for all your comments. I really don't know what I would have done if you guys weren't here. Your support and just knowing I am not alone really made the BFN a little easier to take.
Yesterday was the Hubby's 31st Birthday! He likes a low key BDay. We usually go out to dinner most of the time with a gift certificate that was given to him and then some ice cream for dessert. So that is what we did. We both had a good time.
Not only was it is Birthday, it was CD1. (poor Hubby lol) The start of our next try. Before we went out, the Hubby got a little excited to show me something. He had gone out for Chinese food with his coworkers and got a really good fortune cookie.
Oh please oh please oh please I hope so! I kinda like that he got this on his BDay and CD1!
Ok, I don't know about you guys, but after TTC for almost 2 1/2 years every CD1 I can't help do the math and find out when my due date would be. I know, I know it's probably not a good idea, but I can't help it. Well this time I would be due November 1st. Wanna know a secret? I have always dreamed of having a Halloween baby. Or even just around Halloween. Even long before the Hubby and I met. This could be perfect!
I got my clomid and ovidrel today. My RE orders it through a IF pharmacy that ships it overnight. From the start of your Rx there you always talk to the same person every time. They are so nice. Another thing they do that just oozes niceness...they include this packed with each delivery. I forgot to tell you about it last month.
Isn't that perfect!? A bag of chocolate! They really get it. Chocolate always makes you feel better! I prefer dark chocolate, but I will have a couple and share them with the Hubby.
Tomorrow is my CD3 blood work and that fun time with the magic wand while AF is here. Eww. We are staring again and I am psyched!
I gotta go. The Hubby, his best guy friend and I are going to grab some ice cream and go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. Yes, that is right I am going to see a Disney princess cartoon with 2 guys! Another secret, It wasn't my idea LOL!
Yesterday was the Hubby's 31st Birthday! He likes a low key BDay. We usually go out to dinner most of the time with a gift certificate that was given to him and then some ice cream for dessert. So that is what we did. We both had a good time.
Not only was it is Birthday, it was CD1. (poor Hubby lol) The start of our next try. Before we went out, the Hubby got a little excited to show me something. He had gone out for Chinese food with his coworkers and got a really good fortune cookie.
Oh please oh please oh please I hope so! I kinda like that he got this on his BDay and CD1!
Ok, I don't know about you guys, but after TTC for almost 2 1/2 years every CD1 I can't help do the math and find out when my due date would be. I know, I know it's probably not a good idea, but I can't help it. Well this time I would be due November 1st. Wanna know a secret? I have always dreamed of having a Halloween baby. Or even just around Halloween. Even long before the Hubby and I met. This could be perfect!
I got my clomid and ovidrel today. My RE orders it through a IF pharmacy that ships it overnight. From the start of your Rx there you always talk to the same person every time. They are so nice. Another thing they do that just oozes niceness...they include this packed with each delivery. I forgot to tell you about it last month.
Isn't that perfect!? A bag of chocolate! They really get it. Chocolate always makes you feel better! I prefer dark chocolate, but I will have a couple and share them with the Hubby.
Tomorrow is my CD3 blood work and that fun time with the magic wand while AF is here. Eww. We are staring again and I am psyched!
I gotta go. The Hubby, his best guy friend and I are going to grab some ice cream and go see Beauty and the Beast in 3D. Yes, that is right I am going to see a Disney princess cartoon with 2 guys! Another secret, It wasn't my idea LOL!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
negative
I'm ok. After being ridiculously nervous I think I just felt good having an answer. Being scared of any type of pregnancy test, I was very tempted to just skip the beta and wait for AF to show or symptoms.
I have had a few tears well up, but I can't seem to really cry. I probably won't till I tell someone in person which will probably be my psyc on Thursday. I don't think I am going to be telling people IRL. I don't want a pity party which is what it will feel like from people who just don't get it.
You guys get it and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the wonderful comments. For thinking of us, being excited for us, hoping and praying for us. All the wishes and crossing of fingers and everything you can cross LOL. I really appreciate it. That doesn't seem to be enough thanks, I just don't know what else to write. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze as tight as you can...that is from me.
The tears are starting to flow now as I write this and it feels good.
I think I will be ok because right after being told it was negative I was told to refill my clomid and ovidrel and call with CD1. We will be doing it all again as soon as AF shows up. It kinda snapped me into next step mode. I know I am ready for the next try and I am going to put all of me into it again, but I know I need to grieve. I need to cry. It's been about 9 hours since I found out and I think my mind is finally going to let me. I know the Hubby is upset it didn't work, but he is very matter of fact. This didn't work so lets try again. We kinda just hung out today. Didn't talk much. I think I am ready to talk now.
Thank you Charlotte. I read what you wrote right after I found out and it really helped me. And I wish Purcey had thumbs so I could teach him to write :)
This has been our journey song over the years. I am going to be listening to it a lot over the next few days.
I have had a few tears well up, but I can't seem to really cry. I probably won't till I tell someone in person which will probably be my psyc on Thursday. I don't think I am going to be telling people IRL. I don't want a pity party which is what it will feel like from people who just don't get it.
You guys get it and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the wonderful comments. For thinking of us, being excited for us, hoping and praying for us. All the wishes and crossing of fingers and everything you can cross LOL. I really appreciate it. That doesn't seem to be enough thanks, I just don't know what else to write. Wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze as tight as you can...that is from me.
The tears are starting to flow now as I write this and it feels good.
I think I will be ok because right after being told it was negative I was told to refill my clomid and ovidrel and call with CD1. We will be doing it all again as soon as AF shows up. It kinda snapped me into next step mode. I know I am ready for the next try and I am going to put all of me into it again, but I know I need to grieve. I need to cry. It's been about 9 hours since I found out and I think my mind is finally going to let me. I know the Hubby is upset it didn't work, but he is very matter of fact. This didn't work so lets try again. We kinda just hung out today. Didn't talk much. I think I am ready to talk now.
Thank you Charlotte. I read what you wrote right after I found out and it really helped me. And I wish Purcey had thumbs so I could teach him to write :)
"No matter what tomorrow brings, the sun will still come up in the morning - and when it does, you and your husband will be on the next step of your journey together."
This has been our journey song over the years. I am going to be listening to it a lot over the next few days.
Monday, January 23, 2012
beta tomorrow
Thank you so much for your sweet comments yesterday. I really needed that.
So tomorrow is my beta. I feel numb right now. My nerves were shot most of the day with lots of nervous intestinal fun! Not fun.
I feel bad about this, but I think I am going to give myself a few days for whatever news I get to sink in. Time to either celebrate or grieve with my Hubby. Just be with each other. I PROMISE I will not be away for a long time. Who knows, maybe I will be feeling different come tomorrow. For right now I just want to be with him. I know if it is positive the Hubby will be wanting to shout it from the roof tops.
I will keep reading and commenting. Please don't be mad at me. I hope you guys understand.
So tomorrow is my beta. I feel numb right now. My nerves were shot most of the day with lots of nervous intestinal fun! Not fun.
I feel bad about this, but I think I am going to give myself a few days for whatever news I get to sink in. Time to either celebrate or grieve with my Hubby. Just be with each other. I PROMISE I will not be away for a long time. Who knows, maybe I will be feeling different come tomorrow. For right now I just want to be with him. I know if it is positive the Hubby will be wanting to shout it from the roof tops.
I will keep reading and commenting. Please don't be mad at me. I hope you guys understand.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
"symptoms" or lack there of
Ok so I am 2 days away from my beta and I am starting to freak out a bit. I really really really want this to work! I have gone back and forth feeling like it did and then didn't. I still have not googled anything and it is kinda driving me crazy now, but I promised myself I WILL NOT GOOGLE, so I won't. And I have goodled so much over the past 2 years that I should know it all by now! It's funny how much you forget when you are actually in the cycle.
I want to feel something. I want to know it worked. Right now I feel nothing and haven't really since 7-9 dp IUI. Between days 7-9 I felt little twinges in places of my pelvis I have never felt. I had some strange twinges in the sides my boobs and my nipples were a little sore. I actually woke up a little nauseous at 5:30 am on day 8. I took my temp to make sure I didn't catch something from traveling, no fever, took 2 tums and went back to sleep. I felt fine after that. I am praying the twinges were implantation! Please Please Please! Since those days I have felt absolutely nothing. My boobs feel normal too.
Well, yesterday after we were outside I felt all bloated and had that pelvic dull ache like AF was gonna come. She didn't come and it only lasted maybe 20 min. I was really gassy so I just figured it was that. Who knows.
I have read some of your past posts, your 2WWs to see what people have felt. I know everyone is different so I am not taking everything I read to heart. I just feel lost right now.
They Hubby decided to take Tuesday off from work to be with me. My psyc didn't want me to be alone waiting for the news and especially if it turns out to be a BFN. The Hubby thought it was a good idea too. I was also thinking along the lines of if we do get a BFP then I would want us to find out together instead of me waiting for him to get home from work. I feel crazy.
I am starting to get nervous and that turns my stomach and intestines into a wreck. Help!
I want to feel something. I want to know it worked. Right now I feel nothing and haven't really since 7-9 dp IUI. Between days 7-9 I felt little twinges in places of my pelvis I have never felt. I had some strange twinges in the sides my boobs and my nipples were a little sore. I actually woke up a little nauseous at 5:30 am on day 8. I took my temp to make sure I didn't catch something from traveling, no fever, took 2 tums and went back to sleep. I felt fine after that. I am praying the twinges were implantation! Please Please Please! Since those days I have felt absolutely nothing. My boobs feel normal too.
Well, yesterday after we were outside I felt all bloated and had that pelvic dull ache like AF was gonna come. She didn't come and it only lasted maybe 20 min. I was really gassy so I just figured it was that. Who knows.
I have read some of your past posts, your 2WWs to see what people have felt. I know everyone is different so I am not taking everything I read to heart. I just feel lost right now.
They Hubby decided to take Tuesday off from work to be with me. My psyc didn't want me to be alone waiting for the news and especially if it turns out to be a BFN. The Hubby thought it was a good idea too. I was also thinking along the lines of if we do get a BFP then I would want us to find out together instead of me waiting for him to get home from work. I feel crazy.
I am starting to get nervous and that turns my stomach and intestines into a wreck. Help!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
today was a good day
First I want to say HI to everyone visiting from IComLeavWe! I absolutely love this week! I love handing out Big Hugz and getting some in return. If you want to learn about IComLeaveWe you can read about it over at Stirrup Queens.
If you don't know me Hi my name is Emily! You can learn about me here. I am currently nearing the end of my first IUI 2WW! I go for my beta on Tuesday! If you would like to read my timeline you can do that here. And now onto my day.
The Hubby and I didn't do much of anything today and it was good. It was snowing most of the day so we were not going anywhere. We woke up late, ate breakfast and vegged out.
Is it just me or does something about snow storms make you hot for your Honey too? Since they IUI I have basically felt at peace with everything. We did what we could do and it is out of our hands. It is amazing what being at peace can do to the horizontal polka! I mean, WOW! These past 2 weeks have been sooo fun. Sorry if that is TMI, just on my mind.
So after some fun we vegged out some more. While we were in bed watching tv and dozing off the Hubby put his hand on my lower belly and gave a little rub. It made me smile. I don't think he realized he did this because he was half asleep. I know he has so much hope that I am pregnant and the little things he does are just so sweet.
The snow finally stopped so we had to go out and shovel. If we didn't live on a big corner we would probably just leave it till tomorrow, but we have lots of sidewalk to do. The Hubby told me I could come out, but I wouldn't be doing much since I could be pregnant. He used the snow blower and I followed behind him and cleaned up any little areas that were missed. We only got 5 inches so there wasn't too much and it was pretty light and fluffy.
When we came back in we ate a late lunch/early dinner and vegged out some more. That is about it. It was good.
If you don't know me Hi my name is Emily! You can learn about me here. I am currently nearing the end of my first IUI 2WW! I go for my beta on Tuesday! If you would like to read my timeline you can do that here. And now onto my day.
The Hubby and I didn't do much of anything today and it was good. It was snowing most of the day so we were not going anywhere. We woke up late, ate breakfast and vegged out.
Is it just me or does something about snow storms make you hot for your Honey too? Since they IUI I have basically felt at peace with everything. We did what we could do and it is out of our hands. It is amazing what being at peace can do to the horizontal polka! I mean, WOW! These past 2 weeks have been sooo fun. Sorry if that is TMI, just on my mind.
So after some fun we vegged out some more. While we were in bed watching tv and dozing off the Hubby put his hand on my lower belly and gave a little rub. It made me smile. I don't think he realized he did this because he was half asleep. I know he has so much hope that I am pregnant and the little things he does are just so sweet.
The snow finally stopped so we had to go out and shovel. If we didn't live on a big corner we would probably just leave it till tomorrow, but we have lots of sidewalk to do. The Hubby told me I could come out, but I wouldn't be doing much since I could be pregnant. He used the snow blower and I followed behind him and cleaned up any little areas that were missed. We only got 5 inches so there wasn't too much and it was pretty light and fluffy.
When we came back in we ate a late lunch/early dinner and vegged out some more. That is about it. It was good.
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