I just got back from my trip today. I thought it would be a relaxing fun time with family and be a good thing for my 2ww. Boy was I wrong. I am so mentally and physically tired I don't know what to do with myself. So I told you about the first fiasco of the progesterone pills and now I will tell you about what happened yesterday.
I got a text from my friend B. She is pregnant. 16 weeks along. We were best friends all through middle and high school and kinda drifted apart in college. We still talk, but don't get together very often. She knows how long we have been trying, but that is basically it. When she texted me she did it in the best way she could have. She told me she was pregnant and then talked about how scared she was to tell me. She also wanted to make sure I heard from her and not through the grape vine. She also told me she hopes we are doing well with our journey and that she thinks about me often and is praying for me.
I did totally break down. I had a little hissy fit and cried. I am not happy I handled it that way, but I think it was what I needed at the time. After I collected myself I texted her back. I told her the truth. I really appreciated how she told me and it was the best thing she could have done. I told her that I am happy and excited for her and please don't take it the wrong way if I keep to myself for a bit and let it all sink in. She told me she understood and can't imagine what I am going through and that is why she was so scared, she didn't want to upset me. We texted a bit longer and the conversation ended on a really good note. I am still upset, but I am getting through.
The first thing that came to my mind is that I am going to be making another blanket for someone else. I just finished the 3rd one a couple days ago! I know I don't have to, but this is my thing. Even though it is upsetting I really enjoy making something special for the people I love. I put so much love into them and I just have to do it. Seeing how much they appreciate it helps too.
I know I have lots of time before I really have to get started on it and I will definitely be taking a crochet break. I am not touching it till at least April. I'm pretty quick so I will have more than enough time.
I am so tired of all the stress and negativity I have gone through in the past few days. I promise myself right now that tomorrows post will be a better one and over the next few days I will finally get to doing a show and tell on the 3 blankets I have done because I have been wanting to for a while.
Thank you for all your love and support. You have no idea how much I appreciate you guys! I love you!
PS: I am still trying to catch up on all your posts. Between traveling and non of the blogs I follow showing up I am behind so I am going through from the list on my blog. If you have not heard from me in a while you will soon.
I remember when I found out one of my closest friends was pregnant again and about to have #2 I did not handle it well. In fact I was down right childish. But it was what I needed to do at the time. I murmured the correct words of congratulations and then proceeded to have a melt down of epic proportions and completely lose my shit. It was after this that I decided every time someone close to me announced a BFP I would start shopping. You making a blanket is a hell of lot more mature than me going shopping ;) It is always going to suck but given the friend you are, trust me when it happens to you they are going to be more excited than they were for their own. xx
ReplyDeleteI make baby hats :) And I have knit a blanket or two, too, but I have found that knitting a blanket for someone takes a TON of yarn and buckets of time. It is a truly selfless act to make cute baby things for someone else when you're hurting, but it is cathartic too.
ReplyDeleteI would love to be able to make you a baby hat someday, more sooner than later :)
I personally am going to learn how to make you a blanket. I can't knit, but I will make something for your precious baby when the time is right. OK? I promise. Because I have been there in a different way: before I got married, I went to 38 weddings in 3 years. And I was in 5 weddings. And when I got married, I didn't even have a bachelorette party...after throwing 900. So this blanket will mean just as much to me as it will for you! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThat's what people keep telling me. "There is going to be a parade when you get pregnant" they say. I just can't see it. I feel like it will be old news because of all the babies that have been born. I know that is stupid and just cuz I'm upset right now. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteGetting upset is completely normal. I think its wonderful that you make these blankets. I used to make all sorts of baby things for my friends too, before the carpal tunnel got so bad. Now I just do the big projects with no set deadlines like blankets for queen and twin beds to give to charity for wounded warriors. It really is so nice to know that when you are doing a project, like you are with the baby blankets, that part of you and your love go into it. It really can help heal the hurt we feel inside.
ReplyDeleteYea it is cathartic. I do feel good when I finish. That is so sweet of you Chickenpig! I know it would be so honored to have my baby wear a hat you made. Especially knowing who made it and what went into it. Even just hearing you would like to makes me happy. Thank you. XOXO
ReplyDeleteOh Rachel you are so sweet! You made me cry! Just knowing you are thinking of me is so amazing. I am sorry you had to go through all that. I would totally take you out for batchelorette fun now if we lived close! XOXO
ReplyDeleteYea it does feel so good when you are done, doesn't it? And so much of you does go into it. I think it is amazing that you make those blankets for the wounded warriors. You are so great!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! It made me laugh!! I am freaking out enough for the both of us...I'm still in shock! :)
ReplyDeleteI really, really hope you get to make a blanket for yourself VERY soon!
I went through the same thing when my SIL got pregnant (sadly she miscarried). I was also embarrassed at how I handled it, but looking back I think I needed to have a little hissy fit! I think there's something to be said for giving yourself a chance to be really pissed and acknowledge that this is unfair. We have to be nice and mature and stable every day in so many situations, so we need to lose it every once in a while!! I'm in a bit of a Bitter Betty place right now as you know, and reading about you making baby blankets made me cry. I've never made a blanket (I can't knit) but I've sent countless congratulations cards and been to numerous baby showers toting homemade diaper cakes. I guess we're just sending a little bit of good karma out there and hoping it comes back one day. I think you are a really strong and kind amazing woman, so you've earned a couple of hissy fits!!!! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie I am so sorry. It's so hard to see others getting pregnant and you're still waiting. I often ask "why NOT me?!?" And it's so amazing that you're still making blankets for your friends. I knit hats and sometimes I just can't do it.
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my thoughts! Have as many hissy fits as you need to! ((hugs))
It is never easy to get that news. I am finding that it is OK to have hissyfits every now and then though. Better to get it out so you can move past it than to keep it shoved inside.
ReplyDeleteI think it's so wonderful that you have made something so beautiful for someone else. That is so selfless of you in a time where you are going through so much. I really admire that.
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