I am freaking out! (in a good way) Almost 12 hours after I begged and pleaded for Aunt Flo to come, she showed up completely out of nowhere! I usually get some symptoms about a week before she shows up. Almost always sore nipples and I usually spot for a day or 2 before I really start. I was about to head out to the grocery store when I started to cramp up and then almost immediately started full flow! That never happens! I totally can't believe it!
I have a feeling Chickenpig's beautiful written invite a couple hours before really made her happy and she decided to grace me with her presence. THANK YOU CHICKENPIG!!!! And Thank you everyone for all your advice. I think I will be doing the IUI a couple days before we leave so I should be ok! Praying it's ok!
I will be going in for blood work and an US on Saturday morning and will probably be starting my clomid then too! This is crazy! I am getting closer and closer!
Now all I have to do is convince Aunt Flo to go on a nice long 9 month vacation!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
af, do i have to send you a written invitation?
I am currently on CD 30. I know my cycle is on average longer than this, but the past few months I have been either early or right around here. I have no signs she is on her way so I have a feeling this will be a long cycle and I have 2 big reasons for wanting her to show up now. #1, I and just so excited to start our first IUI cycle and #2, I had made plans months ago to be in NC from January 13th through the 16th for my cousins baby shower on the 14th. If AF doesn't show up by the 31st or even better the 30th then I will not be going cuz if my numbers are correct we will be doing the IUI then. I of course don't know for a fact what CD we will be doing the IUI, but I can guess.
If it turns out that I can't go then I have to tell a few family members that I was supposed to be driving with. My family knows our situation, but at this point they still think the Hubby is on medication or we are just doing testing. I did not want to tell anyone about moving on to an IUI! We are at a place where the questions have stopped and if anyone knew, especially my mother, we would be getting constant calls and questions digging for info and asking if I am pregnant or when do we find out. It would be nice to be able to surprise them if I do get pregnant.
So now since AF is gonna be her usual bitchy self and not come even when I am inviting and begging her to show up, I have to come up with an excuse. I want to let them know asap cuz it will change others driving/flying back plans (I am supposed to be driving back with an aunt while the rest fly). If I tell my family I am going for some "test" they probably won't ask questions, but I will have to tell my mom the same thing cuz if she finds anything out from anyone but me she will get pissed and she will be wanting to know everything about the "test". I am a bad liar. I would need to figure out a test, a reason and details. Or I could just tell her the truth and get bombarded with questions and calls even if I tell her I don't want to talk about it.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE AF COME NOW!
Anyone have any ideas? I'm gonna talk it over with my psyc tomorrow too.
If it turns out that I can't go then I have to tell a few family members that I was supposed to be driving with. My family knows our situation, but at this point they still think the Hubby is on medication or we are just doing testing. I did not want to tell anyone about moving on to an IUI! We are at a place where the questions have stopped and if anyone knew, especially my mother, we would be getting constant calls and questions digging for info and asking if I am pregnant or when do we find out. It would be nice to be able to surprise them if I do get pregnant.
So now since AF is gonna be her usual bitchy self and not come even when I am inviting and begging her to show up, I have to come up with an excuse. I want to let them know asap cuz it will change others driving/flying back plans (I am supposed to be driving back with an aunt while the rest fly). If I tell my family I am going for some "test" they probably won't ask questions, but I will have to tell my mom the same thing cuz if she finds anything out from anyone but me she will get pissed and she will be wanting to know everything about the "test". I am a bad liar. I would need to figure out a test, a reason and details. Or I could just tell her the truth and get bombarded with questions and calls even if I tell her I don't want to talk about it.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE AF COME NOW!
Anyone have any ideas? I'm gonna talk it over with my psyc tomorrow too.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
i found my Christmas spirit in a pot of pudding
On Thursday I went to my psyc and talked about Christmas. I told her how I am just not feeling it this year. This will be the 3rd Christmas without being pregnant or having our own little one since TTC. The thought of decorating upsets me. Putting up all our special ornaments and taking out stockings, advent calendars, train and Christmas books that have been tradition since the Hubby and I were kids was completely overwhelming. I wanted to share it with our own kids. Show them each ornament and each tradition and tell them the stories about it. Even if I had an infant or a little one growing inside me, who obviously would not know what the heck I was talking about, I would still tell them all about it.
My psyc had a few suggestions. "If it is too upsetting and overwhelming then just don't do it. The Hubby understands and the world won't end if you don't decorate. Or do something completely different or crazy. Go out and grab some cheap ornaments that have no sentimental value or decorate with whatever you want. You could decorate your tree with silverware, office supplies or underwear! Whatever makes you happy!" At this point she had me laughing. "Why not have an adult Christmas? Do something crazy that you can't do when you have kids like open your presents naked! Whatever you do focus on what you do have, each other. Make it yours. Make YOU happy."
I left there feeling a little better. Not as guilty for not decorating. I talked it over with the Hubby and he was fine with leaving all the decorations in the attic and just making everything low key and as relaxed as possible. We also called our family and changed some plans. My MIL was supposed to be coming over to our house Christmas day. She knows about our situation so I told her how I was feeling. She understood and was very supportive so we moved the festivities to her house where I could just relax and have a good time.
Even though I was upset and not really in the Christmas spirit, I was looking forward to my family's celebration. We are Norwegian so we traditionally celebrate Christmas eve. We all get together for dinner, sing, play games, catch up, play with babies go to church, come back have dessert and do more of that fun stuff. We have some traditional dinner items, but in our family dessert is the big deal. We usually have more dessert choices than dinner with tons of traditional cookies, pies, cakes and puddings. The big one though is a rice pudding we call Riskrem (rice cream).
My Momma (Mom's Mom) made it every year for as long as I can remember. Her Mom made it before her in Norway and her Mom before her. After Momma moved to Florida the task was given to one of my Tantes (aunts) then when she moved to North Carolina another Tante tried to make it, but made the rice too hard. Then a cousin tried and turned it to mush. 3 years ago the task was given to me and I have been making it ever since. I was told I make it exactly like Momma which is the biggest compliment in our family.
Riskrem is really a labor of love. Making it requires you to stand at the stove for 1-2 hours straight and has a couple of steps that takes 2 days. Friday night as I was standing over the pot on the stove and stirring away, I was thinking about what a huge tradition this is. You would think it would be a lot of pressure, but it wasn't. I thought about all the love that was put into it over the years (even the ones that didn't turn out too good, we ate anyway because of all the love and hard work that was put into it). I thought of all the women who have made it over the years and realized how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my family. How blessed I am to have such loving, supportive, caring people around me and how I can't wait to celebrate with them. From then on the smile did not leave my face. I think I finally found some Christmas spirit.
Since our family loves to share a good meal and dessert I would love to share the recipe with you. Don't worry, it's not a family secret so no one will be mad at me. I grabbed my camera and took pics as soon as I found my spirit and decided to share the story with you guys.
Things you will need:
1 Cup of white rice
2 12oz cans of evaporated milk (make sure it is not sweetened)
2 cans of water (when you empty the cans of milk fill with water)
1/2 a stick of butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 a cup of sugar
For the second day you will need:
1 Cup of whipping cream
1 tsp of sugar
1 tsp of vanilla extract
FYI the pics are of a double batch. I would start with the single recipe above, it makes a good amount.
In a large pot combine rice, milk, water and butter on high stirring often till it comes to a boil. Reduce heat to low and stir almost constantly making sure you scrape the sides and bottom so nothing sticks and burns. You don't have to stir fast, it is just to keep everything moving a bit.
Cook till everything thickens and the rice is soft like how you would eat it. Stir in the vanilla and sugar and cook for a few minutes more.
Remove from heat and pour into a large bowl that has lots of extra room for the steps the next day. (the bowl above is the largest I own and did not have enough extra room as you will see in the next photos) If you would like you can stop at this step and eat it like regular rice pudding. When we eat it hot we call it Grud and traditionally put a little butter and cinnamon on top. Or you can move on to the cream and make it really rich.
Let it cool for at least an hour before you cover it and put it in the fridge over night. It will thicken more as it cools.
The next day it will be very thick as you can see. Mix it around a bit so the thicker top layer gets combined with the rest of the pudding.
Whip the cream, sugar and vanilla till it is thick, light and fluffy whipped cream.
Fold the whipped cream into the pudding making sure it is mixed through. This is the step that it helps to have lots of extra room in the bowl. I didn't so it almost over flowed as I added the whipped cream.
This will make it so nice and creamy and very rich too. I just love close up shots!
(I moved half the riskrem into another bowl so I could actually get the lid on this one)
Last but not least we put an almond on top. Right before we serve it the almond is mixed in to be hidden. When everyone has some the person who gets the almond in their serving wins a prize. Traditionally it is a marzipan pig which is a symbol of good luck for the new year. A lot of people don't like marzipan so the prize changes each year.
If anyone tries the recipe let me know how you like it. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Holiday no matter what you celebrate.
My psyc had a few suggestions. "If it is too upsetting and overwhelming then just don't do it. The Hubby understands and the world won't end if you don't decorate. Or do something completely different or crazy. Go out and grab some cheap ornaments that have no sentimental value or decorate with whatever you want. You could decorate your tree with silverware, office supplies or underwear! Whatever makes you happy!" At this point she had me laughing. "Why not have an adult Christmas? Do something crazy that you can't do when you have kids like open your presents naked! Whatever you do focus on what you do have, each other. Make it yours. Make YOU happy."
I left there feeling a little better. Not as guilty for not decorating. I talked it over with the Hubby and he was fine with leaving all the decorations in the attic and just making everything low key and as relaxed as possible. We also called our family and changed some plans. My MIL was supposed to be coming over to our house Christmas day. She knows about our situation so I told her how I was feeling. She understood and was very supportive so we moved the festivities to her house where I could just relax and have a good time.
Even though I was upset and not really in the Christmas spirit, I was looking forward to my family's celebration. We are Norwegian so we traditionally celebrate Christmas eve. We all get together for dinner, sing, play games, catch up, play with babies go to church, come back have dessert and do more of that fun stuff. We have some traditional dinner items, but in our family dessert is the big deal. We usually have more dessert choices than dinner with tons of traditional cookies, pies, cakes and puddings. The big one though is a rice pudding we call Riskrem (rice cream).
My Momma (Mom's Mom) made it every year for as long as I can remember. Her Mom made it before her in Norway and her Mom before her. After Momma moved to Florida the task was given to one of my Tantes (aunts) then when she moved to North Carolina another Tante tried to make it, but made the rice too hard. Then a cousin tried and turned it to mush. 3 years ago the task was given to me and I have been making it ever since. I was told I make it exactly like Momma which is the biggest compliment in our family.
Riskrem is really a labor of love. Making it requires you to stand at the stove for 1-2 hours straight and has a couple of steps that takes 2 days. Friday night as I was standing over the pot on the stove and stirring away, I was thinking about what a huge tradition this is. You would think it would be a lot of pressure, but it wasn't. I thought about all the love that was put into it over the years (even the ones that didn't turn out too good, we ate anyway because of all the love and hard work that was put into it). I thought of all the women who have made it over the years and realized how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my family. How blessed I am to have such loving, supportive, caring people around me and how I can't wait to celebrate with them. From then on the smile did not leave my face. I think I finally found some Christmas spirit.
Since our family loves to share a good meal and dessert I would love to share the recipe with you. Don't worry, it's not a family secret so no one will be mad at me. I grabbed my camera and took pics as soon as I found my spirit and decided to share the story with you guys.
Things you will need:
1 Cup of white rice
2 12oz cans of evaporated milk (make sure it is not sweetened)
2 cans of water (when you empty the cans of milk fill with water)
1/2 a stick of butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 a cup of sugar
For the second day you will need:
1 Cup of whipping cream
1 tsp of sugar
1 tsp of vanilla extract
FYI the pics are of a double batch. I would start with the single recipe above, it makes a good amount.
In a large pot combine rice, milk, water and butter on high stirring often till it comes to a boil. Reduce heat to low and stir almost constantly making sure you scrape the sides and bottom so nothing sticks and burns. You don't have to stir fast, it is just to keep everything moving a bit.
Cook till everything thickens and the rice is soft like how you would eat it. Stir in the vanilla and sugar and cook for a few minutes more.
Let it cool for at least an hour before you cover it and put it in the fridge over night. It will thicken more as it cools.
The next day it will be very thick as you can see. Mix it around a bit so the thicker top layer gets combined with the rest of the pudding.
Whip the cream, sugar and vanilla till it is thick, light and fluffy whipped cream.
Fold the whipped cream into the pudding making sure it is mixed through. This is the step that it helps to have lots of extra room in the bowl. I didn't so it almost over flowed as I added the whipped cream.
This will make it so nice and creamy and very rich too. I just love close up shots!
(I moved half the riskrem into another bowl so I could actually get the lid on this one)
Last but not least we put an almond on top. Right before we serve it the almond is mixed in to be hidden. When everyone has some the person who gets the almond in their serving wins a prize. Traditionally it is a marzipan pig which is a symbol of good luck for the new year. A lot of people don't like marzipan so the prize changes each year.
If anyone tries the recipe let me know how you like it. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Holiday no matter what you celebrate.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
stupid insurance
Hi everyone. Thank you for all the comments and suggestions for making metformin a little easier on me. I eased my way into it and it's better on my stomach. Another side effect showed up. I have absolutely no appetite on it. I had to force myself to eat today and couldn't even finish half my dinner It is so weird.
I have been running around like a mad woman trying to get everything done on my mad dash list. I have been trying to read and comment here and there throughout the day, but I am still days behind on all the blogs I want to read! Kinda having withdrawal from you guys.
If you are visiting for the first time through IComLeavWe, Welcome! You have come just in time to read me vent. Well aren't you lucky. I promise you my posts aren't usually like this.
This morning I woke up in a good mood. I ate breakfast, read some blogs and got down to work cleaning and organizing. While cleaning out a drawer I found a pile of pregnancy magazines that I started collecting from a Dr. office I worked at when we first started TTC over 2 years ago. They made me smile. I remembered reading them when we first started trying and how excited I was that I was going to be pregnant soon. Well we all know how that ended up, yet I was still smiling. Soon I will be pregnant. I have hope. I decided not to read them now. I will wait, so I put them back and closed the drawer.
As soon as I knew my RE office was open I gave them a call to make sure they got my most recent pap and to check on the prior auth for my clomid and ovidrel. They got my pap and were expecting to hear about the auth soon. They would call me. About an hour later the pharmacy called and said both were denied! I asked why. I was told they don't get that information so I have to call my insurance.
Months ago when I called my insurance I asked about meds and the IUI. I was told they cover a percentage of both so I was happy. Today when I called I was told this. Make sure you read the bold part.
ART / INFERTILITY DRUGS
BRAVELLE (urofollitropin), CETROTIDE (cetrorelix), CLOMID / CLOMIPHENE POWDER /
SEROPHENE (clomiphene citrate), CRINONE / ENDOMETRIN / FIRST- PROGESTERONE VGS /
PROCHIEVE / PROGESTERONE IN OIL / PROGESTERONE POWDER / PROMETRIUM
(progesterone), FOLLISTIM AQ (follitropin beta), GONAL-F / GONAL-F RFF (follitropin alfa),
GANIRELIX (ganirelix), ELIGARD / LUPRON DEPOT (leuprolide), LUVERIS (lutropin alpha),
MENOPUR / REPRONEX (menotropins),
Pre - PA Allowance
This is a covered benefit for male members and for female members greater than 50 years of
age
__________________________________________________________________________
Prior-Approval Requirements
Diagnoses
ALL diagnosis covered EXCEPT use in conjunction with Assisted Reproductive Technology
(ART) procedures, which include but are not limited to:
- Artificial insemination (AI)
- In vitro fertilization (IVF)
- Embryo transfer and gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT)
- Zygote intrafallopian transfer (ZIFT)
- Intravaginal insemination (IVI)
- Intracervical insemination (ICI)
- Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI)
- Intrauterine insemination (IUI)
Ovidrel is not in this list, but she said it is part of the meds.
So that basically says none of those medications are covered if you are using them with any form of ART! WTF! Aren't a lot of those meds used only with ART like when making sure there are lots of eggs for IVF? I started crying on the phone. The lady on the other end was so nice. She apologized and said she wished it wasn't that way. She told me I could send in a letter of reconsideration with info from the Dr. of why they think it should be covered. She said if I wanted to pay out of pocket it would work the same for reimbursement, but it is not a guarantee of coverage. She wished me Happy Holidays and wished me luck with the treatment. I was still upset, but having someone so nice in the other end was a very good thing and probably the only thing that kept me from totally breaking down.
I called the pharmacy back to see how much it would be without insurance. They told me they have a discount plan where you pay $10 to enroll and it is for the whole year for any meds. With the discount the 10 clomid pills will be around $35 and the ovidrel injection will be around $90. It is not as bad as I thought it would be. The Hubby said we are doing it no matter what, even if we don't get reimbursed. So tomorrow I call the pharmacy back and they will send me my meds. I am really happy we are still on track.
I have been running around like a mad woman trying to get everything done on my mad dash list. I have been trying to read and comment here and there throughout the day, but I am still days behind on all the blogs I want to read! Kinda having withdrawal from you guys.
If you are visiting for the first time through IComLeavWe, Welcome! You have come just in time to read me vent. Well aren't you lucky. I promise you my posts aren't usually like this.
This morning I woke up in a good mood. I ate breakfast, read some blogs and got down to work cleaning and organizing. While cleaning out a drawer I found a pile of pregnancy magazines that I started collecting from a Dr. office I worked at when we first started TTC over 2 years ago. They made me smile. I remembered reading them when we first started trying and how excited I was that I was going to be pregnant soon. Well we all know how that ended up, yet I was still smiling. Soon I will be pregnant. I have hope. I decided not to read them now. I will wait, so I put them back and closed the drawer.
As soon as I knew my RE office was open I gave them a call to make sure they got my most recent pap and to check on the prior auth for my clomid and ovidrel. They got my pap and were expecting to hear about the auth soon. They would call me. About an hour later the pharmacy called and said both were denied! I asked why. I was told they don't get that information so I have to call my insurance.
Months ago when I called my insurance I asked about meds and the IUI. I was told they cover a percentage of both so I was happy. Today when I called I was told this. Make sure you read the bold part.
ART / INFERTILITY DRUGS
BRAVELLE (urofollitropin), CETROTIDE (cetrorelix), CLOMID / CLOMIPHENE POWDER /
SEROPHENE (clomiphene citrate), CRINONE / ENDOMETRIN / FIRST- PROGESTERONE VGS /
PROCHIEVE / PROGESTERONE IN OIL / PROGESTERONE POWDER / PROMETRIUM
(progesterone), FOLLISTIM AQ (follitropin beta), GONAL-F / GONAL-F RFF (follitropin alfa),
GANIRELIX (ganirelix), ELIGARD / LUPRON DEPOT (leuprolide), LUVERIS (lutropin alpha),
MENOPUR / REPRONEX (menotropins),
Pre - PA Allowance
This is a covered benefit for male members and for female members greater than 50 years of
age
__________________________________________________________________________
Prior-Approval Requirements
Diagnoses
ALL diagnosis covered EXCEPT use in conjunction with Assisted Reproductive Technology
(ART) procedures, which include but are not limited to:
- Artificial insemination (AI)
- In vitro fertilization (IVF)
- Embryo transfer and gamete intrafallopian transfer (GIFT)
- Zygote intrafallopian transfer (ZIFT)
- Intravaginal insemination (IVI)
- Intracervical insemination (ICI)
- Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI)
- Intrauterine insemination (IUI)
Ovidrel is not in this list, but she said it is part of the meds.
So that basically says none of those medications are covered if you are using them with any form of ART! WTF! Aren't a lot of those meds used only with ART like when making sure there are lots of eggs for IVF? I started crying on the phone. The lady on the other end was so nice. She apologized and said she wished it wasn't that way. She told me I could send in a letter of reconsideration with info from the Dr. of why they think it should be covered. She said if I wanted to pay out of pocket it would work the same for reimbursement, but it is not a guarantee of coverage. She wished me Happy Holidays and wished me luck with the treatment. I was still upset, but having someone so nice in the other end was a very good thing and probably the only thing that kept me from totally breaking down.
I called the pharmacy back to see how much it would be without insurance. They told me they have a discount plan where you pay $10 to enroll and it is for the whole year for any meds. With the discount the 10 clomid pills will be around $35 and the ovidrel injection will be around $90. It is not as bad as I thought it would be. The Hubby said we are doing it no matter what, even if we don't get reimbursed. So tomorrow I call the pharmacy back and they will send me my meds. I am really happy we are still on track.
Monday, December 19, 2011
the mad dash
So as you can see I changed my comments section to Disqus. I don't spend a ton of time on the computer so I get all my comments at once and by that time there are a few and if I want to reply it's all out of order and that bugs me. I like the idea of being able to comment back and forth on a post if I so choose and it just needs to be organized. That's just my OCD talking. I hope everyone still comments!
Anyway, today is the start of my cleaning, baking, decorating and wrapping mad dash before Christmas. Even though I am all excited about our upcoming IUI and in a good place mentally, I am just not feeling Christmas this year and have no drive to do any of the above mentioned. So now with only 5 days till Christmas (we celebrate Christmas eve) it is a mad dash to get things at least presentable.
I have been really bad about keeping up with housework. I have huge tumbleweeds floating down the hall from the cat, there are pine needles from all the trees and bushes outside tracked through the house, dirty laundry is piling up and our glass shower doors look frosted from the soap scum. There is a ton more to do, but I will spare the details because it is just embarrassing how much of a disaster my house is and I have the Hubby's family coming on Christmas day and a couple days after!
I love to bake, but I just have not been in the mood. I keep promising the Hubby that I will make him gluten free cookies and I just keep putting it off. I feel bad, but I just can't get into the spirit of it all. When I went to go bake with C my guardian angel it was different. I think I am more of a social baker now. I like hanging out and chatting with someone while we make delicious desserts. Something else that made it a really fun time, she had a kitchenaid standing mixer! I had never used one before and oh my gosh is that thing crazy easy and fun! I grew up mixing everything by hand and later in life I got a hand held electric mixer which made things a little faster. The standing mixer made it almost instant! Using it made me want one so bad, but I don't need it. I was telling the Hubby about it and he got that look on his face and I knew he wanted to get me one for Christmas. I told him no cuz I don't need it. He argued with me and said this is the first time in a very, very long time that I actually want something and he is going to get it for me. I never have a list which annoys the Hubby a bit. I sometimes ask for socks and undies, but the Hubby says that doesn't count.
So probably Tuesday or Wednesday the Hubby and I are going out to pick out our Christmas presents. We were already going out to pick out a socket set for him since I wanted to make sure he got the one he wants and now we are going to pick out a mixer for me! The Hubby said I can use it before Christmas as long as I make him cookies LOL! I told him I will be baking more often since this will make it so quick and easy!
Our tree is up, but still naked. We got a fake tree this year and I am not happy or sad about it. I kinda just don't care. For the last 3 years since we got married and bought a house we have been going out to get a tree with the Hubby's work friends. The first year she was pregnant with their first baby, the second year we pulled their cute little girl in a wagon around the tree farm and the third year she was pregnant with her second baby. This would have been the fourth year going out with them. We were waiting to hear the plan of when we were going and instead of a date we were told they were going with their parents this year. I feel like if we had kids they would probably still want to get together with us, but we are in different places in our lives now so we get left behind. That was one of the things that made it even harder to get into the spirit. We could have gone out ourselves to get one, but I was too pissed off so we got a fake one.
To me Christmas is all about the kids. Teaching them about Jesus and getting them all excited for His Birthday, having them help decorate and pick out/make gifts for family and friends, getting excited about Santa coming with a gift and baking and cooking our traditional feasts. It is still fun with my little brother, but every year without our own just drags me down. I know I have a long time till a baby is old enough to really get into all of it, but just having one around to show everything to would be nice.
Hopefully finally decorating, wrapping presents and baking this week will get me into the spirit of it all if not I just want it to fly by.
Anyway, today is the start of my cleaning, baking, decorating and wrapping mad dash before Christmas. Even though I am all excited about our upcoming IUI and in a good place mentally, I am just not feeling Christmas this year and have no drive to do any of the above mentioned. So now with only 5 days till Christmas (we celebrate Christmas eve) it is a mad dash to get things at least presentable.
I have been really bad about keeping up with housework. I have huge tumbleweeds floating down the hall from the cat, there are pine needles from all the trees and bushes outside tracked through the house, dirty laundry is piling up and our glass shower doors look frosted from the soap scum. There is a ton more to do, but I will spare the details because it is just embarrassing how much of a disaster my house is and I have the Hubby's family coming on Christmas day and a couple days after!
I love to bake, but I just have not been in the mood. I keep promising the Hubby that I will make him gluten free cookies and I just keep putting it off. I feel bad, but I just can't get into the spirit of it all. When I went to go bake with C my guardian angel it was different. I think I am more of a social baker now. I like hanging out and chatting with someone while we make delicious desserts. Something else that made it a really fun time, she had a kitchenaid standing mixer! I had never used one before and oh my gosh is that thing crazy easy and fun! I grew up mixing everything by hand and later in life I got a hand held electric mixer which made things a little faster. The standing mixer made it almost instant! Using it made me want one so bad, but I don't need it. I was telling the Hubby about it and he got that look on his face and I knew he wanted to get me one for Christmas. I told him no cuz I don't need it. He argued with me and said this is the first time in a very, very long time that I actually want something and he is going to get it for me. I never have a list which annoys the Hubby a bit. I sometimes ask for socks and undies, but the Hubby says that doesn't count.
So probably Tuesday or Wednesday the Hubby and I are going out to pick out our Christmas presents. We were already going out to pick out a socket set for him since I wanted to make sure he got the one he wants and now we are going to pick out a mixer for me! The Hubby said I can use it before Christmas as long as I make him cookies LOL! I told him I will be baking more often since this will make it so quick and easy!
Our tree is up, but still naked. We got a fake tree this year and I am not happy or sad about it. I kinda just don't care. For the last 3 years since we got married and bought a house we have been going out to get a tree with the Hubby's work friends. The first year she was pregnant with their first baby, the second year we pulled their cute little girl in a wagon around the tree farm and the third year she was pregnant with her second baby. This would have been the fourth year going out with them. We were waiting to hear the plan of when we were going and instead of a date we were told they were going with their parents this year. I feel like if we had kids they would probably still want to get together with us, but we are in different places in our lives now so we get left behind. That was one of the things that made it even harder to get into the spirit. We could have gone out ourselves to get one, but I was too pissed off so we got a fake one.
To me Christmas is all about the kids. Teaching them about Jesus and getting them all excited for His Birthday, having them help decorate and pick out/make gifts for family and friends, getting excited about Santa coming with a gift and baking and cooking our traditional feasts. It is still fun with my little brother, but every year without our own just drags me down. I know I have a long time till a baby is old enough to really get into all of it, but just having one around to show everything to would be nice.
Hopefully finally decorating, wrapping presents and baking this week will get me into the spirit of it all if not I just want it to fly by.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
it's starting!!!!
We went back to Dr. G, our RE yesterday morning. It was a very quick appt. She looked over the Hubby's SA report and was shocked and so excited that he was now in "normal" ranges. She went over the plan, gave me my Rx and we were out of there!
So here is the plan!
I am currently on CD 19
Last night I started metformin HCL ER 750mg twice a day. Boy are they horse pills!
On CD 1 I call in and make an appt for CD 3 blood work. That will hopefully be right around the new year or a little after.
They ordered the clomid and ovidrel. When I come in for the CD3 blood work they will give me the clomid, I think 50mg that I will take for 5 days.
I don't know specifics yet on the rest of the plan. I know I will get lots more blood work and intimate time with the magic wand. Eventually I will get the trigger shot and will be turkey basted 1 or 2 times. I will find out the schedule probably at my CD 3 blood work.
I still can't believe it is happening!
O and guess what happened to me yesterday?! They Hubby, my Mom and I were talking outside after my little brother's Christmas pageant. All of a sudden a bird pooped on my head!!! I got all excited, but kept it inside! I know some of you are like eeewwww why are you excited about a bird pooping on your head? Where I come from it is a sign of good luck! A sign of good luck a couple hours after we get our plan! My Mom commented how it was good luck as she cleaned it out of my hair. I just smiled and said I hope so. We have not told her that we are starting treatment. As far as she knows the Hubby is still on clomid and we are still waiting. As soon as we got in the car the Hubby commented how excited he was that I got pooped on LOL!
I am also so surprised how calm and relaxed I am. When I get excited about something I am usually all jittery inside from it. I'm not jittery or nervous at all. It is a nice change. Hopefully I can keep myself this way.
So does anyone have any metformin experience? I read over the list of side effects. I have only taken 3 pills so far and all ready have a lot of gas. Anything special I should be doing to prepare for my cycle?
So here is the plan!
I am currently on CD 19
Last night I started metformin HCL ER 750mg twice a day. Boy are they horse pills!
On CD 1 I call in and make an appt for CD 3 blood work. That will hopefully be right around the new year or a little after.
They ordered the clomid and ovidrel. When I come in for the CD3 blood work they will give me the clomid, I think 50mg that I will take for 5 days.
I don't know specifics yet on the rest of the plan. I know I will get lots more blood work and intimate time with the magic wand. Eventually I will get the trigger shot and will be turkey basted 1 or 2 times. I will find out the schedule probably at my CD 3 blood work.
I still can't believe it is happening!
O and guess what happened to me yesterday?! They Hubby, my Mom and I were talking outside after my little brother's Christmas pageant. All of a sudden a bird pooped on my head!!! I got all excited, but kept it inside! I know some of you are like eeewwww why are you excited about a bird pooping on your head? Where I come from it is a sign of good luck! A sign of good luck a couple hours after we get our plan! My Mom commented how it was good luck as she cleaned it out of my hair. I just smiled and said I hope so. We have not told her that we are starting treatment. As far as she knows the Hubby is still on clomid and we are still waiting. As soon as we got in the car the Hubby commented how excited he was that I got pooped on LOL!
I am also so surprised how calm and relaxed I am. When I get excited about something I am usually all jittery inside from it. I'm not jittery or nervous at all. It is a nice change. Hopefully I can keep myself this way.
So does anyone have any metformin experience? I read over the list of side effects. I have only taken 3 pills so far and all ready have a lot of gas. Anything special I should be doing to prepare for my cycle?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
crochet show & tell: my prayer/comfort shawl
When I was younger my church had a prayer/comfort shawl ministry. The ladies would get together a few times a month to knit, crochet and quilt shawls for people going through medical procedures, grieving after a loss, in a time of stress, during an illness or recovery, for prayer or meditation or for a celebration. I always loved the idea. A prayer is said for the person receiving it before you start and you think about that person while making it. The shawl was meant to wrap someone in love. Comfort them and know they are not alone. Someone is thinking of and praying for them.
A couple of months ago my psyc and I were talking about how I have a need to take care of others. I put everyone else before myself in just about everything I do, even in my hobby, crocheting. Everything I make I give away. Blankets, teddy bears, purses, hats, scarves and so on. Everything I have made has been for someone else. I realized I have not kept one thing! She gave me a challenge. Before I started the next baby blanket (it would be my 3rd in 5 months) I was to pick out yarn and make something small, quick and easy for myself and actually KEEP it. I told her I don't need anything. She wasn't taking no for an answer. I was told to think about it and tell her what it would be by the next week.
I was stumped. I didn't need anything. I have winter hats and scarves. Making a teddy bear would just upset me at this point. It took me all week and out of nowhere I thought of the shawls. How I loved the whole idea of them. My mind went straight to who I would give it to. Then I yelled at myself, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF!" So I tried to think of something else to make.
The shawl kept popping back into my mind.
"I kinda want one, maybe someone in the church still makes them.
I will ask later I gotta figure out something to make for myself.
hmmmm...I could make one for myself.
NO! That's stupid and kinda selfish.
Is it?
Yes it is!
Maybe not...
yea too selfish."
I went back to my psyc and she asked me what I was making. I had settled on a hat. She could tell I wasn't too happy about it. I told her I don't need anything. She told me to stop saying I didn't need anything and and asked if there was something I wanted. The shawl popped back into my mind so I told her about it but quickly ended with how it was stupid and extremely selfish to make something for myself that was meant to give away. She asked me how it was selfish to make something for myself that could help comfort me. I didn't have an answer. Maybe it wasn't as selfish as I thought. I talked it over with her some more and decided to make one.
My thoughts were that I was going to have it with me at my Dr appts. Something to make me a little warmer when I am half naked on those cold tables. Something to hold onto and squeeze when something the Dr does gets uncomfortable. Something to catch my tears if I get upset. Instead of a big shawl I made a wide scarf.
I went to the craft store to pick out yarn. I decided I would start with the pomegranate color and just go crazy from there. I wanted it to be fun yet comforting. I said a little prayer before I started and got to work. While I crocheted I thought about my journey and my future. It was relaxing and kinda healing.
I haven't had any appts since I made it, but I wear it often as a scarf. When I think too much or get ahead of myself it is something I can hold on to and make myself calm down. Tomorrow is my big appt with the RE to figure out our IUI plan. My shawl with be with me every step of the way.
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