what i have been up to in my "free time"

Read "free time" as while I'm sitting on my butt pumping.

Hi everyone!

I have been so busy the past few months with Squirt and Roo, lots of family visiting from out of state, BBQs, parties and 2 weeks ago our beautiful little miracles were baptized.

Prepping for their baptism was what was taking up all my "free time" because I took on the crazy task of crocheting their baptism outfits.

I wrote many times how I always wanted to make a blanket that I would finally keep for my own babies, but I also dreamed of crocheting beautiful baptism outfits for their special day. Something special they could keep, look back on when they grow up and maybe if they have their own children they could wear it too. (I'm still working on the blankets. They probably won't be done till the fall)

So, today I wanted to share the finished products with you.

Squirt's outfit had shorts with suspenders and a short sleeve jacket. Those little suspenders and buttons kill me they are so cute! I love how the back loop stitch makes the outfit look ribbed. We found some cute plain white soft shoes for him.

The slip is shorter than the dress, but Roo kept pulling the dress up.

Roo's dress was a shell stitch so it made a pretty scalloped edge. The cap like sleeves were so big they made her look like she had wings. We found some cute lacy shoes for her. My Guardian Angel friend made her slip to go underneath. It was so special for her to be a part of it all.

They were both given hankie bonnet at my shower.

If you haven't heard of it a hankie bonnet is a handkerchief folded and with a little stitch and some ribbon is turned into a bonnet for them to wear.

Here is the poem that came with them.

I am just a little hankie, as square as can be;
But with a stitch or two, they've made a bonnet out of me.
I'll be worn home from the hospital, and on special days,
And then I'll be carefully pressed and neatly packed away.
Then on the wedding, I have been told,
Every well dressed Bride must have something old.
So what would be more fitting than to find Little Old Me,
A few stitches snipped and a wedding handkerchief I will be.
And if per chance, it is a boy, someday he still will wed.
So to his Bride he can present the handkerchief once worn upon his head.

That poem makes me cry every time I read it.

It was such a special day with family and friends. We invited everyone in our little church to celebrate with us. While they were in the NICU everyone was asking about them and praying for them. My Mom kept them updated every week with pictures, weights and milestones. I was told how they celebrated every little oz they gained and every little milestone they hit. After my Mom would give the update they would all clap.

I am crying so hard right now. Tears of joy. I know blessed I am and feel how much we love them, but knowing how much they are loved by everyone else is overwhelming.

I wanted to thank everyone again for all the thoughts, prayers and well wishes for them. All the support you gave me even though I have been MIA for so long.

Now that things have calmed down and we are on a really good schedule, I will be around more often. I miss everyone and can't wait to catch up on all your lives.

finally a little update

Hi everyone! Sorry it has been so long. It has been a crazy and sometimes stressful few months but Squirt and Roo are home and doing great!

Every day I am amazed at how far we have come. They were so tiny and now they just seem huge!

I wanted to write a quick little post to let you know how they are doing and finally share some pictures. Between taking care of them and exclusively pumping for them I don't have much time to write and read. Things are slowly getting easier so hopefully I will be able to write more often soon and catch up on all your lives.

So here they are!

Squirt was born at 3lbs 2oz and is now 7lbs!!!

Squirt in the first week

 Roo was born at 1lb 7oz and is now 5lbs!!

Roo in the first week

The night Roo came home

our twins are here!!

Hi everyone! Sorry I am only getting to a post now. I saw someone put my news on LFCA and a bunch of people clicked over. Thank you to whoever informed them and I hope I haven't kept everyone too worried. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and well wishes!

First off both babies are doing great in the NICU! They were born via c-section on Friday February 8th during the big blizzard. I was 30 weeks 4 days and and U/s showed that Roo had not grown in 2 weeks and had little or no diastolic placenta flow. I am going to introduce them to you and do an update on how they have been doing over the last week. Hopefully some time this week I can get together their birth story post.

Let me introduce to you our little miracles. I'm going to use their names once and then I will refer to them as Squirt and Roo like I have been this whole pregnancy.

Baby A, who we nicknamed Squirt is a boy. He was born at 4:08 pm, weighing 3lbs 2oz and measuring 16 inches long. We named him Ca.lvin Alf.red.

Baby B, who we nicknamed Roo is a girl. She was born at 4:09 pm, weighing 1 lb 7oz and measuring 13 inches long. We named her Ro.byn Edi.th.

When Squirt was born he was screaming and breathing pretty well. They put him on a CPAP after a little bit when his breathing became labored. His oxygen setting started at 40% and has slowly been lowered over the past week. There were times it was lowered and then needed to be raised back up for a day. He is now at 21% which is basically room air setting. He still needs the CPAP for pressure. Whenever he get's taken off the CPAP to get weighed and washed he does better each time.

He was on phototherapy for jaundice for a few days, but came off Friday. It is so nice to see his face a little more again. When he was on the phototherapy his face was covered by those "sunglasses" to protect his eyes from the light.

Up until Wednesday he was getting all his nutrition from the IVs. He still has the IVs and will for a while, but was started Wednesday on a little colostrum squirted in his cheeks every 2 hours. He loved it and did so great on it they started him on a gravity feed of my breast milk through a tube on Thursday. He started off at 1ml every 3 hours and is now up to 6ml every 3 hours! If he keeps doing as good as he is they increase 1ml a day. Today he should be on 7ml every 3 hours.

We actually got to hold him for the first time yesterday!!! Since he has been doing so well when he is off the CPAP for a short time, they took it off, swaddled him up and handed him to us. He was still on the IVs and all the sensors. It was the most amazing feeling finally having him in my arms! We have been able to touch him, change his diaper and comfort him over the past week, but always inside his incubator while he is hooked up to everything and his head was always covered with a hat and face with CPAP and "sunglasses". We were finally able to see his whole head and face for the first time since birth. We finally got to see that he has medium blonde hair like me. I took every second in. Every little expression, sneeze and yawn. He liked being in our arms and did so well. So relaxed and his oxygen saturation stayed at 100%! He was awake for a while looking up at us. I can't wait to do it again!

When Roo was born she was crying a little, but put on the CPAP right away because she was so tiny. Her oxygen setting started and has stayed at 21% from the beginning! She seems to only need help with the pressure. We are told she does well when taken off to be weighed and washed, but only for a short time before her breathing gets labored again.

She was also on phototherapy for jaundice, but came off Thursday. It is so great to be able to see most of her face again. Because she is so tiny, when she had the "sunglasses" on top of the CPAP her face was completely covered. Couldn't see anything. Now we can see her eyes again. Her coloring is getting a lot better. When she was first born she was so red. Over the past week her skin has gotten lighter and lighter. Her coloring almost looks like a normal newborn now.

She was also started on my colostrum on Wednesday. Just a little in her cheeks too. She also loved it and did great with it. On Thursday when she was started the 1ml gravity feed she did good for some of the day, but then was having some stomach issues so it was stopped to let her belly rest. They kept her off it yesterday, but will try again today. We were told this is common because of her size and we could go back and forth many times before she has solid feedings.

We are absolutely amazed each day by how far they have come already. I had calmly prepared myself for them being on vents and not being able to touch them for a while. I had no doubt in my mind that they would make it and thrive, but I prepared for worse. Every day the nurses and Drs don't have much to say about them other than they are moving along and what they do have has been good or some little setback that was expected. They tell us often how amazing they are doing. We look at each other shocked at the little strides they are making and we celebrate each one. We praise our little ones and tell them what a good job they are doing. They are our little fighters! We are so proud of them!

prayers for another uncle

First I want to update you on my Uncle that I have told you about a couple times. He was diagnosed with leukemia in August. The bone marrow transplant was postponed for more chemo, but he just had it after Christmas and is doing great! Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers for him.

A couple of weeks ago my Uncle B (Dad's brother) was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in his appendix and intestines. A few days ago they did emergency surgery and removed a lot, but found more than they thought. They put chemo in his abdomen and originally thought that would do it. Since they found more he will have to go for more chemo and maybe more surgery. He has been extremely sick and it will be a long hard recovery.

This is really hitting our family hard. Especially my Nana. She may not be his real Mom, but she raised him along with my Dad and her own 2 boys when my Nana F abandoned them. I wrote a little about that in the ultimatum post. Losing a child at any age is unimaginable and she has already lost 2, my Dad and one of her sons almost 30 years ago.

Please send good thoughts, prayers, light or whatever you can. I really appreciate it.

mentally preparing for my shower

Throughout this pregnancy whenever I thought about a shower for these babies I would have a little moment of panic. It was never panic about jinxing the pregnancy, even though there have been times that I was anxious about getting to viability. It was panic about the attention and other things.

I have never liked to be the center of attention. I am the person who is in the background sitting quietly or in a big group, not the center. I was a complete mess at my bridal shower. I was anxious, sweaty and shaking the whole time. It was actually difficult to enjoy myself. It didn't help that I was caught off guard. My family throws surprise showers. (I was completely calm at our wedding because the Hubby was there and I could block out everyone else)

Along with not liking the attention, the thought of a baby shower for OUR babies is utterly SURREAL to me. My family and friends celebrating our babies. Babies that have been wanted for so long, we have worked so hard for and who are so special to us are special to others. Why is that thought so difficult for me to grasp?

My psyc says it goes back to a bunch of things that we have talked about including not being emotionally taken care of enough growing up and not feeling deserving. I grew up putting all others first and when it comes to something for me I have a hard time with it. I also have an extremely difficult time asking for things so the thought of registering and asking people to buy us stuff makes me very uncomfortable.

I talked to the Hubby about all of this too. We obviously knew we would be having a shower, but we didn't know when. Well, I didn't know when, he probably did. I told him about the anxiety and how surreal the whole thing was. How I felt like I would have a difficult time enjoying it because I would be an emotional and anxious mess. Both my psyc and Hubby suggested that I need to take care of me and if I would be more comfortable knowing about the shower then I should talk to my Mom.

I thought about it for a while and decided that even though I would love a surprise shower, I would be more comfortable if I knew when it was and was able to mentally prepare for it. I was planning on talking to my Mom when she came over one day, but instead I got a surprise. Just before she was to come over I got the mail and inside was this.

My Mom is very excited about the "two by two" on the invite.

An invite to MY baby shower! I immediately started crying. Tears of joy, gratitude, relief and so much more than I can put into words. My Mom walked in the door to me bawling my eyes out. She got worried that something was wrong, but I told her it was because I got the invite. I told her how I had been feeling and that I was planning on talking to her that day about it not being a surprise. She said she has had a feeling about all of it for a while so she had called the Hubby and asked him about it. When he confirmed her suspicions she and my MIL decided to send me an invite and not have it be a surprise. She also half jokingly told me that I shouldn't worry about the attention because none of this is about me! Hehehe! It's all about the babies! That made me laugh and actually feel better. I have been keeping that thought in my head and it's getting me through. All the attention is on Squirt and Roo, not me. The shower is for Squirt and Roo and not me. I will be an invisible floating belly at the shower! I like thinking about the last one!

Since I found out when the shower is I have been able to work things out in my head. I don't feel panic anymore when I think about it. I don't feel like I will be an emotional and anxious mess when I am there. I know it will still be very emotional, but an amount that I will be able to handle.

I still had a very difficult time doing the registry. I just can't ask people to spend money on us, but with lots of pushing and help from my Mom and Hubby we finally got it done. I have been told our registry is kinda boring since we basically put the bare essentials on it, but I did go back and add a couple things just for fun that made the Hubby and I happy. I call that a little breakthrough.

Now I am actually getting excited about it! February 16th is going to be a great day!

27-28 weeks

Due date:  According to my ovulation day my due date is April 16, 2013.

How far along?: 27-28 week

Total weight loss/gain: The day before the IUI I was 206. As of Tuesday morning I was 230. In the last 2 weeks I have gained 3 lbs and a total so far of 24 lbs. Looks like I have gone from about 3 lbs a week to 1 1/2 lbs. I haven't changed my diet at all (actually eating more ice cream than before) so I guess they are going through a growth spurt and stealing all my calories again. As long as they are growing!

What's going on with the babies?: We talked to Dr Monty about how we were feeling about the last scan. I didn't realize just how upset I was till I started talking to him. That last tech really made me uncomfortable. Monty did and U/s himself and took some measurements. We were very surprised that they both turned head down! According to him they are very close in size so he doesn't know how the tech got such different numbers. He talked me down and made me feel a lot better. He said for twins they still look like they are in singleton range as far as size so they are definitely growing nicely. I called the peri office, told them about my bad experience and made sure I never have that tech again. Hopefully at our next U/s on Friday we will get some more detailed info and some pictures to share. It's been a while since we got some.

What's going on with my body?: Since they turned head down all the pressure on my stomach is gone! I went from waking up in the middle of the night with bile and acid coming up to absolutely nothing! It was a trade off though. Now I have a ton of pressure on my bladder. Their heads are really pushing. Been peeing a lot more and have unfortunately peed my pants and the bed when they really push. The Hubby and I find it pretty funny though.

What does the belly look like?: I have been told by my family that my belly doesn't look very big for twins. I personally have no idea. My cousins all stuck out pretty far with one so I guess they are comparing me to them. I think I figured out that I don't really stick out too far because my belly is pretty wide. They are basically staying side by side so it makes sense. The stretch marks are getting pretty bad, but they don't bother me anymore. My body is doing what it needs to do to let these babies grow big and strong so I will embrace it. I finally posted a new belly pic! I have been so bad at remembering to take pics for myself. Gonna try to take more. Oh I just remembered I do have a 24 week pic from Christmas. I will have to get a copy!

Maternity clothes: I had to get the next size up in pants. My old ones still fit, but they are getting tighter by the week so I know I will need the new ones to get to the end of the pregnancy. They are very comfortable and still a little too big. I know I will grow into them though.

Movement: It is so crazy how much they are moving now. Sometimes feels like they are awake most of the day. My belly gets majorly lopsided and ripples all the time. It's so fun! I have been trying to catch it on video, but they always seem to stop as soon as I hit record. If I ever get it I will share it with you.

Sleep: I have been sleeping so well. I only wake up once to pee and once to roll over. It is getting very difficult to roll over in bed. I laugh when I catch myself grunting while I do it.

Cravings/aversions: Strawberry ice cream has been a big craving recently. I'm trying not to eat it every night, but sometimes the babies want what the babies want! :)

Sex of the babies: We will not be finding out the sexes till they come out! My family sometimes says they don't believe us that we don't know. They think we found out and just aren't telling them. I promise, we have no idea. No Dr or tech has even checked yet. No one knows! I know Dr Monty will be checking at some point before we deliver just so he knows who is coming, but he won't be telling anyone.

Names: We have a list of about 10 names of each. We are slowly narrowing it down to 3 or 4 of each. My family have started to make suggestions on names. Some have actually guessed some on the list, but we are keeping them a secret till we name them.

What I miss: Still missing sex. 15 weeks and counting. :(

What I am looking forward to: Nesting has really started to kick in and I am excited to really get things ready.

Mood and emotions: I think the hormones have increased because I have been pretty weepy. Random things are making me cry both happy and sad. Before this past week it was very rare and now it's almost every day.

Milestones: I am in the 3rd trimester!!!

Medical concerns: Nothing right now which is nice.

Sex?: Nope

Best moment of the week: Getting an invitation to my own baby shower! Working on a post about it.

Hows Daddy?: It is really cool seeing him learn new things about babies. He hasn't had any experience except holding them when they are a little older. Seeing him practice things like swaddling and diapering gets me so excited!

Nursery: I really need to get going on it. We don't have furniture and stuff yet, but we still have things to clear out of there.

Blankets to keep: I decided to do my cousin's blanket first. I want to make sure hers in done because I have a feeling things will be getting a little crazy closer to her shower. She is only 3 weeks behind me so there is a good chance I will be just about ready to deliver and maybe on bed rest or I might be home with newborns!

26 weeks

I wrote this 2 weeks ago and forgot to post it, so I will be doing a double post today.

Due date:  According to my ovulation day my due date is April 16, 2013.

How far along?: 26 weeks

Total weight loss/gain: The day before the IUI I was 206. As of Tuesday morning I was 227. In the last 4 weeks I have gained 12 lbs and a total so far of 21 lbs. Even though I am still in normal range for weight gain for a twin pregnancy and Dr Monty hasn't said anything to me about my weight, seeing it come on fast like that is kinda crazy and a little difficult. I know I'm eating healthy and my babies are growing well so that's all that really matters.

What's going on with the babies?: As far as we know the babies are doing well. The results of the big anatomy scan came back good. Squirt seems to be a week bigger than Roo and the perinatologist hasn't said anything about being worried even though I think the gap is getting bigger. The last time we were there the tech was silent. Placentas and umbilical cords have good flow. I'm trying not to worry, but we haven't actually met the peri yet, just U/s techs each time we go. We hear results secondhand 2 weeks later from Dr Monty. I know they are keeping a good eye on them, but we have been there every 2 weeks since 12 weeks and still haven't met the peri. We are getting more U/s than most and I feel like we have less info. I will be talking to Dr Monty about it when I see him Tuesday. I just want to hear directly from the peri that everything is fine.

What's going on with my body?: I have really slowed down now. I can still do what I used to, but everything takes a little longer. The babies have moved up a lot and I can definitely feel more pressure on my stomach and lungs. I find myself taking more deep breaths throughout the day. Heartburn is basically gone during the day, but has come on full force at night. Squirt and Roo seem to slide up into my ribs when I lay down and put lots of pressure on my stomach which usually ends up waking me up with stomach acid almost in my mouth. I usually have to get up, eat crackers, water and tums to get rid of the burn and end up coughing a while from the feeling in my throat. I don't have any real swelling in my legs, feet and hands, but by the end of the day my legs do feel a little tight.

What does the belly look like?: The belly is now large and in charge! Stretch marks are here in full force. They are only on my belly so far. A few inches to the sides of my belly button and they run up and down. I know they look and feel so much better than they would if I wasn't massaging coco butter on them every day. Even though they are getting larger, they are staying light in color and aren't painful or itch at all. I remember how horrible they can feel from past ones I have had. Coco butter is amazing! I still have an innie belly button, but it's definitely getting more shallow. I wonder if it will ever get to the point of being flat or out.

Maternity clothes: I finally bought some real maternity shirts. A bunch of basic v neck, long sleeve, cotton/spandex ones and a really pretty blouse with birds on it that I wore for Christmas. Everything was on sale and I got some bump bucks that I will be using this week to get another pair of jeans and underwear. I have finally gotten to the point where my undies aren't working anymore. I have been looking at dresses too. Part of me wants to get one. I want to dress up for a change and really feel pretty. We will see.

Movement: They are moving so much now! Kicking and flipping all over the place. We can totally see and feel it from the outside! I can feel them getting stronger and I can't wait till I can see body parts dragging across my belly. I don't think it will be long.

Sleep: Hubby and I splurged and got a king size bob o pedic. We used to have a very old queen mattress and the Hubby was basically using my belly as an arm rest at night. It is absolutely amazing! We have so much room and the mattress cradles my body so well I don't need any pillows! I just put one between my legs so my hips don't hurt. Every once in a while I still cuddle up with my snoogle though.

Cravings/aversions: I wrote a while ago about my love/hate relationship with bananas. Since being pregnant the relationship has been one of hate. Just the thought of them made me sick. All of a sudden last week I had a craving for one. I was a little hesitant because the texture usually makes me gag. I finally gave in and at one and now I can't get enough of them! That is so crazy to me! I have also been craving anything strawberry.

Sex of the babies: We will not be finding out the sexes till they come out! My family sometimes says they don't believe us that we don't know. They think we found out and just aren't telling them. I promise, we have no idea. No Dr or tech has even checked yet. No one knows! I know Dr Monty will be checking at some point before we deliver just so he knows who is coming, but he won't be telling anyone.

Names: We have a list of about 10 names of each. We are slowly narrowing it down to 3 or 4 of each. My family have started to make suggestions on names. Some have actually guessed some on the list, but we are keeping them a secret till we name them.

What I miss: I am back to really missing sex. It's been 13 weeks.

What I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery ready. I am starting to get into nesting mode. I have so many ideas for sewing projects. I think I might make my own crib skirts and curtains. I just need the Hubby to set up my sewing machine again.

Mood and emotions: Since passing 24 and 25 weeks I have been feeling really good. Relaxed and calm. I have been feeling kinda emotional and overwhelmed at the thought of my family throwing me a shower. Working on a post about it.

Milestones: I'm past viability and getting close to the third trimester!

Medical concerns: Kinda worried about Roo being smaller, but we will talk to our Drs soon.

Sex?: Nope, and I am really missing it again. I did finally get the nerve to ask Dr Monty if we could. He told me not yet, but he will let us know when. He just wants to wait a little longer. Maybe in the third tri? We will see. I have a feeling by the time we are allowed to I will be too big and uncomfortable.

Best moment of the week: Getting our new bigger bed and we splurged on new couches. Everything was very old and falling apart.

Hows Daddy?: He is doing great! I can tell he is getting really excited about the babies. He can really feel and see them move now and loves to have his hands on my belly. I think he might be starting to nest too. He is making it a priority to finish all the little things around the house that have been sitting for a long time.

Some funny/cute things Hubby has said (at least I think they are): He has been coming home and telling me about conversations he is having with his coworkers about the babies. It is so cute to hear how excited he is and all the funny things they talk about. Interesting name choices, usually coworkers suggesting their own names and all the funny and gross things that come with pregnancy.

Nursery: We finished registering, but other than cribs and a dresser we didn't put anything on for the nursery to decorate. I have had a bunch of ideas of sewing some things. We will see what happens over the next couple weeks. Maybe I can get my ideas into action.

Blankets to keep: I think I have finally decided on what blankets to make Squirt and Roo. Going out this weekend to get the yarn and get started. I also will be getting yarn to make a blanket for my cousin D who is about 4 weeks behind me and having a girl. It only took me a day to figure out what to make her. Took me 20 weeks to figure out what to make for our babies. Sheesh!