the ultimatum: part 1

I want to thank you ahead of time for reading my venting about my family. I have been dealing with this for a very long time and things finally came to a point where something drastic needs to be done. I know everyone has their own opinions about how to deal with family and you can go ahead and state them if you would like. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and I respect that. I don't judge others decisions because I know I have not been through what they have. I just need to get this out there to get it out of my head. A way to release the bad.

So, as you know I went on a last minute trip down to Florida to drive back with my Mom. First let me give you dome background. I apologize for it being so long. There is a lot to get out.

The family member I will be talking about is who I call Nana F. She is my Dad's Mom. She has been an alcoholic for a long time. There is also some mental illness there too. When my Dad was 11 and uncle was 6 Nana F abandoned her children and went off to Florida to do her own thing. My Poppy (Dad's Dad) and his second wife who I just call Nana took care of them and raised them from then on. Even though Nana is not blood related, she has always been and will always be my real Nana.

When I was a kid Nana F was that super fun, outgoing, crazy happy Nana. The one who always acted like a teenager and knew how to have a good time. It was great when I was young and didn't know that she was like that because she drank all the time. I didn't see her a lot since she lived in Florida hopping from husband to husband. As far as I know there have been 6 total.

Anyway, I really started seeing how she truly was when I was about 12. She would mix her drinks into a water bottle or a glass and try to pass it of as just seltzer or juice, but everyone knew what it really was. I talked to my Mom about it all. How I didn't like how she was acting. It wasn't fun Nana F anymore and I was actually scared and didn't want to hang out with her alone especially if we were going anywhere. I didn't want to drive with her. Even before I stated my concerns, my Mom knew and never let her drive with me in the car.

In the next few years I kinda stepped back from my relationship with her. Being around her upset me. I was scared for her. I knew she was sick. She really started getting sloppy and most of the time spent with her she was completely sloshed. Slurring her words and never remembered any conversations we had. I talked to her about her drinking and how I was worried about her. I loved her and wanted her to get help. She acted like she cared about what I was saying , but I guess was drunk enough to not remember any of the conversation.

When I was 17 and just got my license she was visiting and we went out to eat to celebrate, just her and I. I don't remember why I didn't have my car, but Nana F drove. On the way out I had a serious conversation with her. I asked her if we could have a nice lunch out just the two of us with no drinking. She told me she understood and she promised. We went out to one of my favorite places which unfortunately had a small bar in the back. A little while into lunch she went to the bathroom. As soon as she was gone a little longer than was normal I knew where she was. I got up and walked toward the bar around the corner and there she was downing a glass of wine. I went back to the table, pissed and upset and waited for her. She came back with a full glass of wine in her hand so she had at least one and was starting her second.

I told her how upset I was that she was drinking after just promising me she wouldn't. All I got from her was "don't worry about it" and "it's just a glass of wine". I told her to give me her keys and she refused. So, I got up and took her purse and stole her keys from her. She was not driving. I put them in my pocket and quietly finished my meal. When we were done I drove her home and called someone to pick me up. It was the summer and she was visiting for a few months. I didn't talk to her at all for the rest of her trip.

That was 12 years ago. Since then I have kept my distance to keep me emotionally happy and healthy. I still talked to her on the phone, but 99% of the time she was slurring her words and never remembered we ever talked. She would call and ask why it's been months since we talked even though I had just spoken to her a week prior. I would call her for holidays or her birthday and leave a message, never get a call back and find out a week later that she called my Mom saying she was returning her call. My Mom would explain to call me, but she was too drunk to understand. I would see her maybe once each time she visited, but for a very short period of time.

Since my first conversation with her about her drinking when I was 12 I have had a total of 7 talks with her and have gotten nowhere. I tried helping her and told her I would go to the meetings with her. I would do anything I could, but when someone will not admit there is a problem and will not accept help there is noting you can do.

I basically had to completely distance myself from it all to keep from always being upset. I have lost any connection to her. I do still love her, but at an arm's length.

This is getting long so I will do it in two parts. Part 2 will be up tomorrow.