This is kinda scary. First post. Lots of pressure.
First off I would like to give a shout out to Beckie @ Beckie's Infertility Journey. HI BECKIE!!! I STARTED A BLOG!
Hers was the first blog I ever read. I found her by accident while searching for tattoo ideas...I will tell you about that in another post. The day I started reading her blog was one of my lowest. We had just found out that I wasn't the only one with the IF issues, the Hubby had them too. (you can read about my timeline here) I was so angry! Not at the Hubby or myself. I was angry that he now had to go through this. Kinda sounds strange. I was OK with me having to go through all the testing, pain and guilt. I didn't want him to have to carry that burden. This was also the first time we were given choices and it scared me. We could choose to go straight to IVF or try clomid on the Hubby and hopefully do IUI. How could we decide what was the best path? What if we choose the wrong one?
The Hubby was cool as a cucumber through the whole thing. I Love that about him! He told me that it is no one persons burden to carry. Even when we thought the issues were just me, we were doing it together. Every test, every choice, every step of the way together. He also reminded me that any choice we make will be the right one for us. We decided to try the clomid and hopefully do an IUI.
We had made a decision that we were happy about, but now we had to wait. We were so close but still so far. I was still extremely depressed and felt very alone. The Hubby tries to understand, I try to make him understand, but he is not a woman. I am the ONLY ONE in my big family and circle of friends who has had any issue whatsoever with TTC. When I started reading Beckie's and so many other blogs I found this amazing community of people just like me. People who feel the way I do and know EXACTLY what I am going through. The more I read the less alone I felt. Even though I wasn't talking to you guys and sharing my story I felt so connected and my feelings validated. It was OK to feel this way. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for doing that for me.
I guess for my first post I should also explain my title. A blanket 2 keep. If you have read about me you probably saw that I Love Love Love to crochet. Since TTC there have been lots of babies born around me. Since I Love to crochet and Love the idea of giving a personal special gift to especially my closest friends and family, I made them baby blankets. They were made with so much Love and some tears. While crocheting them I couldn't help thinking, when will it be my turn? When will I pick out special yarn and colors for my little one? When will I spend all that time, hard work and put all my Love into a blanket 2 keep? Friends and family have told me to just make one for myself and keep it for when I do have a baby. I just can't do it. I'm not superstitious or anything thinking that if I make one then I wont conceive. I would like to enjoy making one for my baby while he/she is growing inside me. That just feels right and excites me. You guys understand, right? I knew I could count on you! So I will keep hopefully and anxiously waiting for the day I can make a blanket 2 keep.
Thank you for reading my first post! It felt so good to write all that out!
PS- Over the past few months I have been reading and posted comments on some of your blogs. I posted under the same name, Emily, but a different email address. If I follow your blog and you got a comment from Emily that was me. Hi again! Since I decided to start a blog I have a new email and I will be following and commenting on this one from now on. Thanks.