Saturday, March 31, 2012

march photo challenge: cut, orange & complete

So today is the last post for the March Photo Challenge. I am catching up with the last 3. I want to thank Belle @ Scrambled Eggs for hosting this challenge. It has helped keep my mind off things and keep me sane this month. It was also SO MUCH FUN! I will definitely be doing this again some other month.

The last 3 prompts are Cut, Orange & Complete

I wanted to get over to my Mom and Aunts' hair salon and get an action shot of my Mom cutting someone's hair, but unfortunately I never got there. So, these are my crochet scissors. I have had these since my Momma first taught me how to crochet some time over 15 years ago.

Like my bathroom, when we bought the house we just picked colors for each room and decorated from there. This is my dining room. It is very orange. The Hubby says pumpkin orange. It was supposed to be a little more rusty, but even after a dark base and 3 coats of the orange it was a lot brighter than it should have been. It took a little getting used to, but now we really like it. I forgot to take a pic during the day when it looks nicer in the natural light. The ceiling light makes it more orange.

And now for the completion to the challenge. I have been meaning to make my blog a little nicer and more me. I finally completed it! I made my own header! I wanted to bring yarn into the blog, but didn't want it to overpower like my first background. I just love my cute little heart ball of yarn! I think I'm done. I might add a signature if I can figure out how to do it.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

march photo challenge: fresh & cozy

Yesterday and today's prompts are Fresh & Cozy

I love fresh, crisp sugar snap peas and green beans. I usually eat them raw. They always bring me back to fun summers at my Nana & Poppy's house. I would go over and swim all day while Poppy would work on his garden. I would take a break from swimming and help him pick veggies that were ready. My absolute favorite was eating the sugar snap peas and green beans fresh from the garden. They were warm from the sun and tasted like summer.

Oh and fresh nail polish on my nails!

My MIL is always thinking of me. A few weeks ago she got herself a new robe. When we went over for dinner she was raving about how soft and cozy the robe was. She had a hard time taking it off and actually getting dressed for the day. She even ran upstairs to get it so I could feel it. Hehe.

The next week we went over she handed me a bag. Inside was a comfy, cozy fleece robe just like hers. She had gone back and got me one! This thing is crazy soft!

Monday, March 26, 2012

march photo challenge: sparkle & drink

Yesterday and today's prompts are Sparkle & Drink

When I was thinking about what I could do for sparkle the first thing that popped into my brain was nail polish! The last time I got my nails done was back in October. I can't remember the last time I painted my own nails. I used to paint them every couple weeks. I did cool designs and even pictures like little snowmen during the winter. So I dug out my nail polish and found some that sparkled. I was planning on painting them today, but you know what happens when you make plans. So I am gonna try again tomorrow. I wanna feel girly! I could probably put the clear one on top of a solid color or do it plain. Sparkly purple is always cool. Which one should I do?

Since we are taking a break this month from IUIs I bought myself some beer. I have been enjoying it immensely! Had one tonight while I was trying to catch up on blogs (still not caught up) and I am feeling pretty good right now.  I'm not drunk, but thought it would be funny to make my pic look like it Hehehe!
Just ignore me if it's not funny. I am easily amused right now. :)

Sunday, March 25, 2012

march photo challenge: move & hug

I'm gonna try and catch up on the March Photo Challenge so I'm gonna do 2 today and 2 tomorrow.

Today's prompts are Move & Hug

On Friday we went back to the urologist Dr. S to go over the Hubby's blood work and have another SA to see if the clomid needed to be changed. I just love any kind of science and being able to look at my Hubby's spermies moving around under a microscope excites me! I think it is so cool how they do the SA right then and there and we actually get to see them! I asked if there was any way to get a picture, but there wasn't. So instead of a picture I decided to share someones video. I downloaded this live wallpaper to my phone over a year ago and I still love it! Watching them swim around on my phone makes me happy! Check it out!

The Hubby took these pics the day of my last IUI. I was crying and talking to the Hubby while we sat on the couch and Purcey climbed up onto my chest and gave me a big Hug! He kept licking my nose so that's why I'm making a strange face.


 First I want to thank everyone for your kind comments on Tuesday's post. I really don't know what I would do without you guys. I read them often and they really help me get through. I am taking lots of your advice and using this month for me and making plans for the Hubby and I no matter what the next cycles hold, but that's another post.

I was planning on keeping up with the photo challenge, but this weekend got a bit crazy and the Hubby and I ended up doing something not very fun.

Yesterday I finally was able to take apart and clean my Poppy's old roll top desk. Another piece of furniture I got when my Nana moved out of her big house. It is beautiful, but it smelled. My poppy was a heavy smoker and he did a lot if his smoking up in his office at his desk so even though my Nana cleaned regularly there was a thick film of tar and whatever else from the smoke. I washed it gently with wood soap and water and scrubbed the detailed handles with an old toothbrush to get in all the cracks. It took hours and many new buckets of water, but it's as clean as it's gonna get and most of the smell is gone. The rest of the smell will go away with time and polishing with citrus oils.

So I went to dump my last dirty bucket of soapy water in the toilet and like it was in slow motion I saw the toothbrush, which I apparently forgot in the bucket, get sucked down the toilet with the dirty water! All the Hubby heard from the other room was a loud OOPS! I couldn't help but giggle at my stupidity. We got the toilet auger to see if it would grab the toothbrush and pull it out or maybe push it through. It did neither. It seemed like water could still get around it, but toilet paper was getting caught up on it. It was late so we decided to take care of it the next day.

The Hubby googled how to get a toothbrush out of a toilet. He laughed as he read solutions from parents whose 2 year olds likes to flush different items. He told me I was worse than a 2 year old! Hehe. They suggested we try a wire hanger to pull it out. After a half hour of that it was obvious we couldn't reach it. It seemed like a lot of them tried everything including plumbers, but ended up having to get a new toilet.

When it comes to home repair we are cheap. We do everything ourselves. We didn't want to call a plumber so the only other option was to take the toilet apart. Thank goodness we only put it in 3 1/2 years ago so it wasn't as gross as it could have been.

That was today's project. I went to the hardware store and got a new wax ring for when we put the toilet back on and we got started. We drained all the water out and took the tank and everything we could off the base. We flipped the base over and could hear the toothbrush move. We kept flipping it to different angles and putting the auger through to try and push it out. I don't know exactly how long it took, probably 45 min or so, but we got to a point that we thought we would just have to get a new toilet. It wasn't coming out. I flipped the base over one more time and the Hubby used the auger again. He stopped and told me it felt different that time. Sure enough when I flipped it over there was the toothbrush! I was so happy to see that disgusting thing!

Our toilet is now just as clean as the day it was first put in. I cleaned every inch of it before we put it back together and the fresh caulk around the bottom looks perfect! I will never again dump a bucket of cleaning water without checking it first!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

march photo challenge: treat & market

Yesterday and today's prompts are Treat & Market

This is the sitting area at my spa. I had a massage today. You can sit here in your robe and slippers before and after your massage and enjoy some tea or water. When it's colder they have the fire going. It is so relaxing.
 Back when I was at my lowest and I just started seeing my psyc, she kept telling me I had stopped taking care of me and I need to start again. We started with little things like putting time aside to do things I like. Crocheting, reading, walking. Even stupid little things that made me feel good like making sure I shave my legs and exfoliate. I then joined a gym and got back on track with my eating. The Hubby suggested I treat myself to something I really enjoyed. A massage. He had given me gift certificates in years past, but it had been a while. I went and it was amazing. They were starting a new membership deal where you are locked in for a year, but you pay a discounted price once a month and you get an hour massage once a month. I was hesitant because I don't like to spend money on myself. As soon as I told the Hubby about it he actually "ordered" me to do it. He told me I needed to relax and treat myself. I have been going for a while now and it is amazing how it has helped me. I'm more relaxed. They do fertility reflexology on my feet. I don't know if its helping, but it can't hurt and it feels so good. I had broken my tailbone 12 years ago and have a lot of nerve damage in my upper butt/lower back. If I sit for too long everything goes numb and it was always painful to the touch. They have focused on it each time and now the numbness and pain are a ton less. I didn't know it, but I actually had a lot of edema(swelling caused by fluid buildup) in there and even after the first session it went down so much to the point where I felt a difference in my pants. They were looser!

I stopped at the market quickly just to buy some swiss cheese for ruben sandwiches made with the leftover corned beef I froze from St. Patrick's Day dinner. Hot corned beef, sour krout, melted swiss cheese and thousand island dressing on toast. Soooo gooood!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

i knew it was going to be negative...

so why am I so upset?

We knew it would be while I was still on the table after IUI #3. The odds were just not in our favor. We prepared for it. I didn't get my hopes up at all. Then why do I feel so defeated?

I know I don't want to give up, but my first thoughts were maybe we aren't meant to have kids. Maybe we should just sell this house that we wanted to grow a family in and just get a small condo. I will find a job (BTW I didn't get the job) and we will spend all our money on vacations. I cried and said all that to the Hubby. He laughed at me. I know he wasn't being mean, he just didn't know what to say to a crazy woman, so I laughed a bit too.

I know we aren't going to give up. We have our plan. We are taking the next cycle off so I can go for the mandatory injection classes and then we will be doing IUI #4. I don't know what injectable I will be using yet. I wish I could skip the class. I know how to draw up shots and give them. It used to be my job!

I have a massage on Thursday. I booked it when I got home from the IUI knowing I wouldn't be pregnant and could go. I feel like spending this next month sitting around listening to my IF mix, drinking beer and crying my eyes out while I crochet.

My brain just stopped working.

march photo challenge: stretch, numbers & button

 Today's prompts are stretch, numbers & button

I am catching up today on the March Photo Challenge. I'm not in a very good mood today. My photos aren't very interesting so I played with them a bit.

My kitty stretching to reach the Hubby's hand. He wants to be pet more!

That is the button I push way too often. It brings me to the 4th floor where my RE is and where I get all my tests, US and blood work done. Really can't wait for the last day I ever push it!

(sorry for the blurry pic, the elevator is kinda bumpy)

Monday, March 19, 2012

march photo challenge: morning & green

Today's prompts are Morning & Green

I decided to do a 2 in 1 picture today. Probably like a lot of you I spend a bit of my morning in the bathroom. I love my bathroom! When we moved in it was pepto pink. Everything was pink. Toilet, sink, wallpaper and tile that was everywhere 6 feet up the walls. We completely gutted it and did all the work ourselves. It came out so beautiful. To me my shower is spa like.

When we were picking out paint for the house I told the Hubby I did not want a white wall anywhere! I have lived in apartments most of my life and we were stuck with white walls. So we just went crazy and picked colors we liked for each room and decided we would design around the color since we didn't have much anyway. We chose green for the bathroom. It goes beautiful with the brown tile. It can wake you up in the morning or relax you if you want it to.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

march photo challenge: design & build

 Today's prompts are Design & Build

Our house is a disaster. Full of unfinished projects and rooms that look like we just moved in even though we have lived here for 3 1/2 years. I think our dining room is the worst right now. One of the projects I am trying to do is get some curtains up. We have one big window that takes up almost the whole wall and it's naked! I have been searching for curtains I like for 3 1/2 years and just can't find them. I did find one, but it ended up being discontinued and there weren't enough panels. I even called around to all the stores in the area and no one had any more. So now I have decided to find some fabric and make my own. I have narrowed it down to 2 designs.

Which do you like?

 Our dining room used to look worse because there wasn't much furniture in it. I had a table, chairs and a china cabinet. The room needed more. I needed something for each side of the big window.

My Nana just moved out of her big house into a small condo. The house used to be filled with family, but now everyone has moved out and my Poppy died 2 years ago. The house was just too big. There were a lot of things she couldn't fit into the condo so she sold a lot and the special pieces she gave to family. I got one of the most special pieces. A Grandfather clock.

What makes this so special is that my Poppy built it. The wood was in pieces and rough cut. All the brass pieces and clock parts were in a kit. He was put on rest after his first heart attack 31 years ago so he decided to build this to keep busy. He sanded and stained all the wood and put every piece together.

It is hard to see inside, I should have taken a pic with the door open. It runs by 3 brass weights. The big brass pendulum is beautiful swinging back and forth and the 6 brass chimes make a beautiful sound. It also keeps track of the moon phases. I grew up listening to the tick and chime and not that it is in my have no idea how much it means to me.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

march photo challenge: eat & glow

Since I am extremely behind in the March Photo Challenge I am going to post 2 in 1 for a few days till I can catch up.

Today's prompts are eat & glow

This was my dessert tonight. I love frozen yogurt! I got half mint and half peanut butter yogurt topped with cake crunchies, granola, coconut, cherries and captain crunch! It was soooo good!

This glow lights up our room for a little bit each night. When the Hubby first turns on his CPAP machine the water reservoir is lit up and sets a really pretty blue glow to the room. The light only stays on for about 5 min, but it's really pretty when it's on.

a really good laugh

I was in the frozen veggie isle of our grocery store last night minding my own business and picking a couple thing up. A woman and her son were there too. I glanced over as she let her son, who was no older than 6, climb up on the edge of the freezer and pick out what was needed as she held the door. I love when parents let their children help shop. Turn it into a scavenger hunt and give praise for finding the items and helping.

Anyway back to the story. So the little boy reached up on his tippy toes and got the item. You could tell he was proud he could reach it. He handed it to his Mom and she put it in the cart. While putting it in the cart she didn't realize she let go of the door and it closed with the little boy still standing on the ledge in the freezer! The boy started laughing! The mom looked horrified for a split second and then looked at me and laughed too. It came out of nowhere. I laughed. Like a full on whole hearted belly laugh. It felt sooooo good. The mom let her son out of the freezer and he kept giggling and smiling ear to ear. I know it's probably one of those things where "you had to be there", but I just felt like sharing since it really put me in a good mood. I needed that.

Friday, March 16, 2012

back from a break

Hi everyone. I wasn't planning on taking a break from blogging, it just happened. Sorry if this post seems a bit all over the place.

Sunday night I started feeling a little on edge. Like something was coming and it didn't feel good. I usually get this feeling for two different things. 1) a pregnancy announcement or 2) a death. Sunday night I also started having very long very real feeling dreams.

Monday the feeling got worse and I just tried to push it aside and tell myself I was anxious for the interview I had on Tuesday morning. The dreams continued.

Tuesday morning I went to the interview and it went great. I really think they like me. Hopefully I will get a call on Monday for a second interview. I felt so relieved that the interview was smooth and that weight was lifted, but I still felt on edge. I found out that night why.

I got a call from one of my best Cousins K. She is one of the two who know just about everything I am going through and she was there when I had my meltdown about pharmacy stuff while I was away at V's baby shower. As soon as I saw her name on my phone my heart sank. I just knew this was it. I answered and could tell I was right by the tone of her voice. She was scared to tell me. She is pregnant. I told her Congratulations and started to cry. I apologized for crying and not freaking out excited for her. She said she understood. We talked a bit more and I asked her when she was due. October. I got upset more. I know I shouldn't be picky, but I really wanted to have a baby in October! We talked some more and then hung up.

I got up and went into the other room by the Hubby. He saw I was crying, got worried and asked what was wrong. I told him K was pregnant and then proceeded to have a huge ugly hissy fit. "It's no F*#!@&g fair!" I am happy for her, but it is not fair! This will be Great Grandchild #7. If we didn't have to deal with IF we could have been #2! All I keep thinking about is how she kept saying how they didn't want kids. I know it was a lie because K always wanted kids before she got married. Just every conversation about kids after they said no. My psyc thinks maybe deep down I wanted to believer her. I wanted to believe I would have one less person to worry about, but instead I now feel like I was blindsided. The dreams continued.

Wednesday we had our meeting with Dr. G to see what our next steps are if this cycle doesn't work. I was so sure she would tell us that we would be moving onto IVF. She told us because of my age, even though the waiting has seemed like forever, if we can handle it she would like to keep trying IUI. She believes it will work. She said if my beta comes back negative we will take a month off and get me prepared for an IUI cycle with injectible FSH. I have to go to a class to learn how to do the injections. It is mandatory even though I told them I am certified to draw up and give shots.

The Hubby and I talked it over and decided to try this. We would like to keep costs down and we will get our finances in order while we try a few of these in case we will need to move onto IVF.

I have had those long, crazy, real feeling dreams every night since Sunday and it is tiring. I feel like I am not sleeping. I don't feel rested. My brain just keeps working 24/7 with no break. I miss dreamless sleep. I hate progesterone. I just found out yesterday from someone's blog that progesterone can cause that.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

march photo challenge: living

Today's prompt is Living

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this prompt is our trip to Disney we took this past November. Before then we were basically not living our lives. We were on hold. We didn't go anywhere or do much of anything. We were in a funk for a long time. I had talked to my psyc and she really brought it up. I talked to the Hubby about it and we decided to make a change. We got out of the house more often. Visited family. Took care of us. And he surprised me with a trip to Disney. We hadn't been away since our honeymoon 3 years prior. The trip gave us the chance to refresh, talk, and just be with each other.

We are still trying to keep ourselves out of the funk. We push each other. We work together. So are so much better.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

march photo challenge: love

Today's prompt is Love

Do you see the banner behind us? Faith, Hope (cut off top), Love. The greatest of these is LOVE. Sometimes in the crazy world of TTC you can forget this. So wrapped up in trying to add to your family you forget that you already have a family. That Husband/Wife/Partner that YOU chose to spend the rest of your life with. The person that you LOVE.

Some other banners that were hung around us.

Love Hopes
Love Preserves
Love Protects
Love Trusts

No matter what happens in TTC, the one you love will be there Hoping with you, Preserving your relationship (and sanity), Protecting your heart and trusting in your future together.

send your love

Please go give A and her Hubby your love and support. Their twins passed on March 7th at just under 20 weeks.

Aminadav and Naava are so loved and will be missed.

Friday, March 9, 2012

march photo challenge: soft

Today's prompt is soft
I'm a day late with this, but I backdated it because I want the day to correspond with the date. I know, I'm crazy.

Everyone, meet Chon Wang. We call him John Wayne. He is very soft. He used to be fluffier and softer back when he was new, but that was 9 years ago. A week ago 9 years to be exact.

They Hubby gave him to me on our second date. We went to see Shanghai Knights. Years after this he told me how the teddy bear came to be.

We had gone out on our first date the week before and I had asked him out over IM to another movie the next weekend he was home from college. He was very shy and I asked him out both times. The first date I considered a date, but I guess he didn't really think or know it was. He wanted it to be, he just thought I wanted to be friends.

The night I asked him out for the second time we chatted really late on IM. When I got off he was chatting with a mutual guy friend. The Hubby told him about our first date and how we were going out again. He confided in him that he liked me and asked if the thought I would go on a real date with him instead of just hanging out as friends. Our friend replied something like this "Dude! She likes you! She asked you out twice now and don't tell her I told you, but she told me she likes you" (cuz I did) Well he told me he was so shocked and excited to hear that. He then asked our friend for some help. He wanted to get me a little gift, but didn't know what I liked. Our friend knew me pretty well and told the Hubby how much I liked teddy bears. He went out the next day and picked up that teddy.

On our second date I got to the theater a little early and waited for the Hubby. He walked in a little late with the teddy. He told me that he was there early and saw me go in to wait. He watched me and was just too nervous to go right in. He told me when he walked in and handed me the bear my eyes lit up. He liked that. I gave him a big hug. He liked that too. I remember not wanting to let go because he smelled so good and I felt so good in his arms.

We went to the movie. I could tell he was nervous. (I didn't know yet that he knew I liked him) I made sure my had was close to him so if he wanted to hold it he could. He didn't so halfway through the movie I grabbed his hand. I saw him smile in the dark. After the movie he asked me if I was going to name the teddy bear. I made him help me pick a name. We both decided on Chon Wang/John Wayne which was Jackie Chan's character in the movie. It was perfect.

This teddy bear slept with me every night from the first day I got him till the night before our wedding 5 and a half years later. He now sits on our dresser. I can't wait to give him to our children.

a big thank you and an update

Hello everyone! Finally getting to a real meat and potatoes post.

First I wanted to Thank You for all the hugs and wonderful supportive things you said in my last big post. I read them over and over again and even though I still don't have much hope for this cycle I do have hope for the future. I know I will have a baby some day. Your comments really helped get me through. This community has truly changed my life and I would be in a very dark place if I never found it. And no matter what happens, no matter what my future holds, because of what you have done for me I know I belong.

I am really enjoying the March Photo Challenge! I am liking not having to think much about IF and my 2WW right now. Kinda just separating myself from it. It's working pretty well. I am reading and getting engrossed in everyone's stories and it keeps my mind off my own.

Today was supposed to be a follow up with our RE Dr G. I have read people call it a WTF appointment, but I have never heard it used with anything but IVF. When we first started IUI we were told we would do 3 and if none of them worked we would reevaluate. Maybe move onto injections with IUI or go straight to IVF. The Hubby is pretty sure we are going to IVF because of his post wash counts being low. I have a feeling too.

So anyway we get to the office and check in. The receptionist looks at the computer and then tells us to take a seat, she has to talk to the nurse. The lady who I made the appointment with comes out and tells us she has bad news and starts apologizing. Apparently she talked to me and never put it in the computer and now Dr G isn't there anymore today! She was very nice and kept apologizing, but that kinda doesn't help us now. My Hubby had the day off so it was perfect. I wanted to have the appointment before my beta on the 20th so if it doesn't work we have our plan and can move on with it. At that point it was really up to when the Hubby could get time off. We finally got a 3pm appointment on the 14th. The Hubby will have to leave work early.

One good thing that happened today...I got an interview for the 13th!!!!!!! If you didn't know, I am unemployed, have been for over a year. It would be so nice to get this job! I can get out of the house and work again and the money will definitely help especially if we are moving to IVF! Please say a little prayer or send good thoughts or whatever you do that I get this!

Thanks again everyone! You have no idea how much I love you guys!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

march photo challenge: heal

Today's prompt is heal

That my friends, that is a hot mess. A little more healed hot mess though! Ok I did calm down a bit before I thought to take the pic.

I had no idea what to do for heal today then I went to my psyc. I talked to her about my Mom. We do not have a good relationship and she really hurt me a couple days ago. I let so much out and had a really good ugly cry. I also finally realized some things.

I have changed myself and how I respond. I can't change her. I have done all I can. I am proud of the better person I have and am still becoming.

I left there feeling like a huge weight was lifted off of me. I felt like I was healing.

It is such an amazing feeling.

And now for some Marvin Gaye style healing. :)

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

march photo challenge: purple

Today's prompt is purple

Some yarn from a new project. The light in my house isn't very good at making things true to color. It is a lot prettier in person.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

march photo challenge: challenge

Today's prompt is challenge

I had no idea what the heck I was gonna do for this and all of a sudden it hit me while I was making breakfast.

This is my challenge!

Yes, Bananas. You are probably confused.

I have a love/hate relationship with bananas. Sometimes I love them and can eat them for a while and then there are times that it hits me all of a sudden and I can't eat them with out gagging on the texture and flavor. This then usually lasts a few months. I have no idea why this happens.

I don't want to eat the same fruit every day. I can only handle so many apples, grapes and strawberries. I sometimes get pineapple and watermelon I get in season. A lot of other berries are just so darn expensive. I can't eat honeydew or cantaloupe because it makes my mouth feel fuzzy.

So I buy bananas for the Hubby and they stare at me every day. Why can't I get over this? I decided to try them in stuff. I tried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. They were good, but not a favorite. I tried putting them in smoothies, but they always ended up overpowering everything else. I kinda just made up my own recipes Then I found 100 healthy snack ideas link on someones blog (sorry I can't remember who) In those snack ideas is a smoothie. It has banana and spinach which is a bonus because it is so good for you! I tried it this morning and Oh my gosh it is so good! And I can hardly taste the banana! I guess this is the best way for me to eat them. Next I am going to try a green smoothie recipe that I found on The Cornfed Feminist's blog. This one had banana and spinach in it too.

Hopefully I will find other ways of getting them into my diet. Anyone have any ideas?

Monday, March 5, 2012

march photo challenge: commute

Today's prompt is commute

Since I am unemployed I don't really have a commute. The farthest place I go is to my RE 30 min away. I take back roads there and this is my favorite part. It's a little difficult to squeeze 2 cars through at once so I stopped to take a pic and let the other car through first.

nothing's gonna stop us???

I woke up this morning excited and happy we were doing our IUI. I have 2 good follies and that gives us a better chance! I was not nervous. I was able to eat. I actually ate a little too much and was a bit uncomfortable on the table. I had a cheesy 80's power ballad playing over and over in my head that was pumping me up even more. I love cheese!

The Dr I liked walked in and cut right to the chase. The sample was not good. The past 2 IUIs the post wash count was not what they like to see, but ok. This time it was even less. (sorry for the lack of details, I don't want to say too much) This Dr is always happy and has hope that it will work. She said that the numbers my not be in our favor, but it is still possible.

I was just kinda in shock and I basically got it in my head right there that it is just not gonna work. We will probably have to move onto IVF. My mind is already preparing itself and pushing the whole IUI out the window. Acting like it never happened. This cycle is a bust.

The Hubby and I had a little talk before he went back to work. He didn't beat around the bush either and agreed it is probably a bust. I asked him how he was feeling about IVF. He told me how badly he wants a child and that we will make it work. It was really nice hearing him say how much he wanted this. He told me he would probably shit himself when he hears how much it will all cost, but he will get over it. This is what we want and we will do it. He says he knows he is ignorant to what is entailed and he knows he doesn't understand like I do what our next steps could be.

I am typing this crying my eyes out right now. I am lost and upset. We have our follow up with Dr G on Friday to see what she suggests we do next. Back when we first started the IUIs she had talked about doing 3 and then maybe doing injections next with IUI. We will see what she thinks now with the post wash counts.

I know I still have my 2WW and I guess it is possible, but my brain keeps pushing it aside. I am not expecting anything and I will probably not be thinking about it these 2 weeks. I will be thinking about our next steps. I know I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward, but it's probably gonna take a while.

I still have the cheesy 80's power ballad stuck in my head, but instead of pumping me up right now it's making me cry. Hopefully if I keep listening to it and some others I can let all these tears out and pump myself up again.

Please enjoy all the cheesy goodness!

Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I've found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you

Let em say were crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us now

I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do

Let em say were crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart

And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us

Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us
Nothings gonna stop us, whoa
Nothings gonna stop us now, oh no

Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothings gonna stop us
Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby
Nothings gonna stop us now yeah

Sunday, March 4, 2012

march photo challenge: illuminate

Today's prompt is Illuminate

This is my favorite candle holder. I love how it casts beautiful shapes of light on the wall and ceiling.

IUI #3 is tomorrow!

I went yesterday for my CD10 blood work and US. I had 2 good follicles on righty 17mm and 15mm. Lefty was dawdling and I didn't even get the measurements. I was told to come back today for another US and blood work and bring my ovidrel with me.

Today I went back and my 2 good follies are now 20mm and 17mm. This is the first time I have 2 really good ones on a cycle! I am praying both will release eggs and we will have a better shot this time! The nurse gave me my ovidrel shot right away and I made the appointment for our IUI #3 tomorrow morning.

I think this is our last chance with clomid. After 3 rounds with clomid and ovidrel Dr G wanted to talk to us about our next steps. She had mentioned doing injectables, but that all depends on what she says about the Hubbie's spermies post wash. They haven't been at the number they like to see, so I don't know what her suggestions will be. I will be making that appointment tomorrow hopefully for Friday. If not then, then sometime during our 2WW so we can move right on if this cycle doesn't work.

I am hoping and praying so so hard that this works and I we don't have to do anymore! I need to hear some success stories! Anyone out there get a BFP on a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th (or more) IUI with MFI (male factor infertility)?

Just like my past 2 2WWs I will not be googling anything and no POAS! I am so glad I have Belle's March Photo Challenge to keep my busy.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

march photo challenge: domestic

Today's prompt is Domestic

I love to cook and bake and when I do I really feel like I am taking care of us. I always loved that dough boy quote. "Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven"

On Saturday mornings I like to make something really good for breakfast. Sometimes pancakes or waffles. Sometimes I just go all out with omelets filled with veggies and sides of bacon or sausage. Today I felt like cinnamon rolls. I cheated and didn't make them from scratch. The Hubby was finally home and I didn't want to do anything but spend time with him. Next time I will make them from scratch!

For dinner I made an easy beef stew in the crock pot. I just threw everything in, especially veggies that needed to be eaten, and let it cook for 8 hours. I wanted to make a nice meal, but I would rather spend time with the Hubby. We had a great day just being with each other and I still feel like I did good.

Friday, March 2, 2012

march photo challenge: feet

 Today's prompt is Feet

That's my blurry foot. I was walking pretty fast. It's interesting trying to take an action shot without falling off LOL! Another day of working out and keeping on track! I had a one on one with a personal trainer today and I got an awesome work out regimen. 

I broke down and joined myfitnesspal. I will try to keep track of my calories, workouts, calories burned and weight. So if you do myfitnesspal and want to be my pal my name is 2keep.

I don't think I am going to do a weekly weigh in because it will probably drive me crazy. I don't like to weigh myself, especially while trying to lose weight. I find that I get discouraged. I will weigh myself once a month.

I guess I will put my weight out there since I am starting to keep track. My highest weight ever was 222. I think that number is my breaking point. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin at that and I will not let myself go any higher. I weighed that a while before I got married and got down to 200 at my wedding. I got back up to 222 last winter.

I have not weighed myself since my last OBGYN appt in the beginning of December. Then, I weighed 217. I just weighed myself on Monday and was completely shocked! I am 200.6!!!! I have not been that since my wedding! I knew I was losing weight because my clothing is looser and my rolls aren't as big! I hope I can get down a bit more before I get pregnant so even when I gain weight I will still be comfortable.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

march photo challenge: self portrait

I have been really trying to keep my mind off this cycle completely and so far I am doing pretty good! I decided to help keep myself occupied and my mind on anything but, I would join in the fun Belle started over at Scrambled Eggs. She made up her own March Photo Challenge! If you would like to join in the fun go here to read all about it.

Here are the prompts.
So day one is self portrait.

I decided to finally post a pic of me in my new glasses. I only wear them when driving so I took the pic in the car. I just realized that my left eyebrow looks like I have a huge chunk out of the top! I do not! Must be the flash or something!
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