First, if anyone is interested I updated my about me. I added a couple pics. I hope you enjoy them.
On Wednesday I read a post by Rachel @ Eggs In A Row. She was talking about things that were making her sad. Initiative 26, Michelle Duggar talking about being so blessed that God gave them child #20 and the thought of her sister holding a newborn baby. All those things make me feel the same way. (except for the part about her sister-insert my besties and their new babies.) Then she said something that really deeply hit home. She talked about feeling guilty about feeling sad. That was and still is my biggest hurdle. Before the emotions of infertility, I can't remember when I last felt guilt and another big one that goes with it, selfishness.
Like a lot of you that I have read about, I also grew up way too fast and took care of people who should have been taking care of me. I did it willingly and without any complaint because that is just how I was. I didn't know any other way. Until I was older I didn't realize how truly difficult my life was. Even though it was hard at times I was grateful for what and who I had and in my life and did feel very blessed. Who knew those blessings could multiply a million times over night. When I met and eventually married the Hubby I felt blessed and grateful beyond words. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I thank God every day for him and the life we have together.
I don't know if this makes any sense, but for the Hubby and I getting married and having children was kinda a package deal. It was what we wanted and it kinda just rolled into one. At that point we had no idea we had fertility issues. We, like most people, assumed we would just get pregnant so I kinda stupidly already felt blessed that it would be next. That just sounds so stupid when I write it. Please let me know if you understand.
So anyway, because of all the above mentioned for our wedding song we chose Edwin McCain "I Could Not Ask For More". If you don't know the song here it is.
I am so blessed with the most amazing Hubby, supportive loving family, wonderful friends, a beautiful home and so much more. How dare I be upset! How dare I ask for more! I'm being ungrateful, selfish and greedy and then on top of all that guilty basically for having feelings. It is a daily struggle. It is a main point I am working on with my psyc. I also try to keep what my guardian angel said in my head at all times.
What is your biggest hurdle and how do you try to climb your way over it?