Friday, November 16, 2012

our dear sweet Purcey is sick

On Monday we took Purcey to the vet. He seemed to be having a difficult time eating his crunchy food and his breath started to smell a bit. To me all of this pointed to a tooth issue. He has had tooth infections before and even had a couple removed, so we figured that was it.

As soon as the vet looked in his mouth he knew it wasn't his teeth. Our dear, sweet kitty has a fast growing inoperable tumor in his mouth/jaw. The vet told us we could treat, but he didn't feel it would do any good. The treatments would be rough on him. Or vet's suggestion was to keep him as happy and comfortable as we can and bring him in if he stops eating or has trouble breathing so he doesn't suffer anymore.

I immediately burst into tears and have been on and off since Monday. Back and forth between an emotional mess and feeling completely numb.

The vet didn't give us a time frame. It could be days, weeks or even months.  In the past week he has lost a lot of weight, been sleeping more, eating less and because the tumor is messing up his mouth he has basically stopped cleaning himself. He doesn't seem to be in pain, just really annoyed by this growing thing in his mouth and all the drool he has now. I have been giving him as much wet food as he will eat. I tried giving him some older cat milk like supplement, but he won't drink it. As a treat we usually give him some cold cut ham. He seems to still love that so I am giving him a slice a day. I want him to be happy and ham seems to make him happy.

He has always been spoiled, but now we let him do whatever he wants. Eat what he wants and sleep wherever he wants. We always gave him a lot of attention, but now he gets every bit of it when he is awake. We let him sleep with us now. We used to lock him out of our bedroom because he was known to throw everything off our dressers. Now every night he sleeps with his head and paws on my belly and his bottom half on my body pillow that I lay against. Since I have been pregnant, the Hubby has always told Purcey to lay on me and "keep the babies warm". He seems to be taking this job seriously now and I am loving every minute of it.

Purcey has been my baby for almost 12 years. How do you sit and watch someone you love slowly get sicker and weaker and then have to decide when it is time to say goodbye and pray he hasn't suffered? I wish I could read his mind or he could talk. Does he know what is going on? Is he in pain? Is he scared? Does he know how much we love him and are going to miss him when he is gone?

I also have this irrational fear that he is going to be mad at me. For what, I am not exactly sure. Maybe for ending his life if it comes to that. Maybe for not doing everything in our power to make him better even though it could make things worse. Maybe for something that I did or didn't do. I have no clue, but its eating me up inside.

I don't want to leave him home alone in case he needs me or takes a turn for the worse, but another part of me wants him to have his time. I have heard how some people hold on and won't pass because they have their family around them. They hold on to life and suffer because their family can't let them go. I don't want that for Purcey. If he does pass on his own I want it to be as peaceful as possible.

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that gave me a little bit of peace. The Long Island Medium (yes I watch that show) called me and told me my Dad and Poppy came to her. They said that they are waiting to welcome Purcey and that I can let go. He will not be mad at me. We have given him a wonderful life and he loves us. They also told her that they are watching over the our babies and are so happy for us. They also know the sexes of the babies, but aren't telling LOL! That last part made me laugh.

The dream brought be a little peace, but I am still having a very difficult time with this. I have never experienced someone slowly getting weaker and sicker. Everyone who has passed around me has been quick and unexpected. I have never experienced slow suffering and have never had to put a pet down.

If you would, please keep Purcey in your thoughts and prayers that he doesn't suffer and will let us know when it is time.

I'm not sure when I will feel like posting again. This is draining me. Hopefully I will soon, but for now I am catching up on all of you. I love you guys. I hope you know that. I really should tell you more often.


  1. I'm sorry, Emily. I hope Purcey lives the rest of his life happy and as pain-free as possible. It sounds like you are doing all in your power to make that the case.

  2. I hate that. Saying goodbye to a pet is always hard.

  3. I'm so sorry Emily. I say give him a whole ham if it makes him happy. Hoping you are all as peaceful as possible as you wait for time to pass.

  4. This was a really hard story to read. I hope that Purcey enjoys the rest of his time that he has, which by the sounds of it, he will.

    :C So sorry. I know how you feel. ESP about the things that you said at the end. I had to go through it too

  5. OMG...I am crying for you and Purcey right now. :( We have three furbabies, and my baby girl (calico cat) is 10 years old...I can't imagine. I am so so so sorry. :(

  6. ::HUGS:: Am sorry to hear that Percey is so ill... Hopefully you can take comfort in the fact that he knows he is loved and that you guys have done the best you could for him for over a decade -- and continue to do so now. I am glad you and the babies are healthy -- that is a huge blessing plus it gives you the time/freedom to spend with Percey. My first dog ever had to be put down without any warning, he was just too old and sick, so in a way it is very lucky that you get to have him at home with you guys right now

  7. I am so sorry to hear this. I will be thinking of you!

  8. Sending loving thoughts to you and Purcey.

    I really liked your dream :-)

  9. Oh Emily. I'm so sorry! Pets are so incredible and have a bond that is so special. Thinking of you and Purcey through this time. I hope you can continue to feel some peace through your dream.

  10. Oh, Emily! I'm so sorry!! The tears started flowing as soon as I started reading this. We lost our Kantti two years ago and it is still hard at times.

    I like your dream and definitely think you should listen to it. Purcey will not be mad at you. You've given him the best life you can filled with love. That's all they ask for.

    I haven't had to make the decision when enough is enough for a loved pet I hope I never have to. The thought of it is heart wrenching, even though I know necessary at times. My thoughts are with you. Kitty headbonks and scratches to Purcey.

  11. Oh Emily, I'm in tears for your sweet cat friend. It is so hard to know when to let them go. I have been in a similar situation before and it is still the hardest thing I have been through. Harder even then infertility. I can say that right now you are doing all the right things. The fact that you love this cat so much and have cared tenderly for him for so many years means that you will know what to do and when. I'm here if you need a friend. xoxo

  12. I'm so sorry that your sweet Purcey isn't well. It's such an incredibly difficult thing to go through. I went through it the past year with both of my beloved dogs and it tore my heart out. All I can tell you is that you'll know when it's time. He'll let you know.

    In the meantime, enjoy every minute you have with him (I know you are) and stock up on ham. Sending you and Purcey love and hugs.

  13. I am very sorry to hear about Purcey. Please know that we are all thinking of you and wishing you both the best. Pets are family members, no doubt about it.

  14. I'm very sorry to hear about Purcey. It is clear how much you love him and he loves all of you. I hope that his time left with you is filled with loving memories and peace.

  15. I cried a little reading this post. Knowing when to say good bye to a pet is the worst but in many ways the most important part of being a pet owner (in my opinion). My last guinea pig died at the ripe old age of 7 1/2 - not as old as 12, I know, but I had to make the decision myself. In my family we have put down dogs but I never made the decision. For Fiona, we didn't know what was wrong but she was very old and I didn't want to do invasive teating and then invasive treatments that might kill her :(. It I by far the worst decision of my life but I had to do it. The day she died I made a painting in her honor and it still hangs in a prominent place in the apartment (over the intercom, so the ringing can get our attention the way her squeaks used to lol).

    Your kitty knows you love him very much, and he loves you. Don't forget that :) I believe dreams like that are very special. One day maybe he will visit you in your dreams, too. My dogs have visited me in my dreams!


  16. So sorry that your pet is suffering like this.

  17. I'm so sorry Emily! I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I'll be thinking of you guys and hope you will know when the time is right.

  18. I'm crying pretty bad right now. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

  19. Hi Emily,
    Firstly, I am so sorry. That is really rough.

    secondly, you have kindly commented on my blog before, and as I am going private I wanted to let you know in case you wanted to join my reader list.
    If you would do email me at
    and leave me your email address.

  20. I'm so sorry. Saying goodbye to a pet is so hard. Many hugs.


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