the new plan

Well...not really new just with some added stops. I decided I need a break and it feels so good to just do it.

Last month I had the need to just keep moving forward. I had to just jump right into IUI #5. We were having issues with the insurance so I rushed and did everything I could so we could start the cycle. We just made it and I was relieved.

The original plan was and still is we do 6 IUIs, 3 with clomid, 3 with follistim and then move onto IVF. My beta for IUI #5 is on Friday. No matter what the result is I am going on vactation.

It will be my Godson, Little L's 1st Birthday at the end of the month and I decided to fly to North Carolina for a week to celebrate and visit. It will be bittersweet. On one hand I am so excited to go. I miss my Cousin T and Little L so much and it always feels like a vacation when I am there. On the other hand I'm a bit bummed because Little L is turning 1. It has been another whole year. I remember all the time TTC before during and after T's pregnancy and it hurts. I also know they will be most likely be trying for #2 soon and it is killing me just thinking about it. T and I talk about everything so I think I will talk to her about that. I will probably ask her if she will tell me if they are going to try soon so I can wrap my head around it now and not feel like I have been slapped across the face when she announces she is pregnant for the 2nd time most likely before I am for the first.

I will absolutely be shocked if the beta is positive on Friday. If it is then YAY I get to be frisked at the airport instead of going through the Xray machine and I will have to try and hide not feeling well while away if it starts. I will gladly and excitedly welcome it all!

So the new plan with a negative test on Friday is to take the next cycle off. Relax and regroup. Then, we will start the last IUI cycle. This will be our last chance before IVF and ya know what? I think I have basically come to terms with it. We will try one more time and then move onto something that will give us amazingly better chances of conceiving. If we do a fresh transfer I could be pregnant just after we hit the TTC 3 year mark.

Back when we started treatments I made a long term goal with the help of my psyc. I obviously wanted to be pregnant that month, but deep down I knew it wasn't reasonable and would hurt making that goal each month. So the long term goal was to be pregnant by Labor day. Labor day 2009 we started TTC. I will have to tell you about that Labor day some time.

By taking this break I am pushing everything back a month and will probably not reach that goal, but I am ok with that. I need a break. We are getting closer and closer to having children and if I have waited almost 3 years I can wait another month.