In April I had my first pregnancy dream ever. I was so excited to finally be able to see myself with pregnant belly. This dream made me happy, but since then the dreams just upset me more and more.
Then, in May I dreamt about what might have been a miscarriage.
Last week I had a dream about getting a positive pregnancy test on this cycle and it really upset me. It felt like a huge tease and I couldn't get it out of my head all week. Until today.
Last night I had the most clear vivid dream yet. I just got home from the hospital and was holding our baby girl. She was beautiful. I can't remember it now, but in the dream I could see her face. She was a perfect combination of the Hubby and I. I also remember she was wearing a hot pink velour tracksuit with the hood up which I now find totally hilarious.
When I woke up I started to cry and have been bursting into tears every time I think about it today. Why do I have to have these dreams? I really don't need to be teased right now. I was in a good place till that dream. I truly felt like I was able to handle this cycle failing, but now the emotions are flowing and won't stop. I had a long ugly cry at my psyc a bit ago. It felt good to get out, but now my eyes are puffy and stinging and I have a constant knot in my throat.
Tomorrow is my beta. I feel no different from the 4 other medicated IUI cycles. It will most likely be negative and I will be holding back tears while celebrating Father's day with the Hubby's family this weekend.