Friday, April 20, 2012

venting and in need of some prayers

Hi everyone. I am so upset and fired up and I need to vent. It has nothing to do with IF. I apologize for the length of this post, there is just so much info I need to get out so please bear with me. Oh and I apologize for being behind on reading your posts! I am going to relax this weekend and do some reading.

First a little background.

I know I have talked about my brother on some others blogs, but not here yet. My younger brother R is 19. He is actually my half brother, but I have never considered him that. He is and will always be my brother. My step dad is an asshole and is hardly in his life. I basically was his second parent since I was 9. The major thing you should know about my brother is that he is both physically and mentally disabled. He is not classified, yet has many bits and pieces of different syndromes. He has a seizure disorder, OCD, manic depressive and other things that are slipping from my mind right now. He functions between a 3-5 year old level. Physically he has many issues with low muscle tone and other things. He wears braces on his feet up to his knees and can only walk untended with a reverse walker. He gets tired very quickly so we usually transport him in a wheelchair. He needs help with everything. He is on many medications and sees many doctors on a regular basis.

I love R so much! I love him so deeply like he was my own child. He is an amazingly sweet person and loves completely and deeply. His smile can light up a room and he is friends with everyone he meets. I would do anything for him.

And now the reason I am upset.

My Mom and R live in a house that backs up to an old car dealership parking lot which is on a main highway. It is pretty quiet though, because she has a small fence and some trees and the parking lot acts as a buffer. A big company wants to build a 24 hour quick shop and gas station in that parking lot. They say to cut down on the noise they will build a 30 foot wall along the property. That 30 foot cement wall will be 20 feet from their house and everything will be right behind the bedrooms. A 30 foot wall! Do you know how high that is? They put 30 foot walls around prisons! So that will block any view for R from his room and block a ton of sunlight from coming into their yard where R loves to go outside on his bench swing and read in the sun. Which he needs because he has a major Vit D deficiency even though he is on Vit D too. And just the fact of it being something he really enjoys and makes his life a little nicer.

We are also worried about it being 24 hour and all the noise. R already has interrupted sleep and if he doesn't get enough he gets sick very easily and tends to have more breakthrough grand mal seizures. Have you ever experienced someone having a full on seizure?  I know some of you have. It is scary. He stops breathing, convulses hard and the thing that has given me nightmares, his eyes roll into the back of his head. I have experienced it a bunch of times and after he is ok I come out of emergency mode I cry so hard.

So my Mom, some neighbors that are also affected and lots of people in the town have been fighting this for over a year. Tonight was a big meeting with lawyers and all. Basically they kept throwing out things that my Mom wanted to touch on including R's medical record. The big company lawyer will allow my Mom to state his medical problems and concerns for the build, but no medical reports or letters from his doctors were allowed because we couldn't get a doctor to come and me questioned (we had a few that wanted to and tried hard, but were not able to make it to the meeting) It pisses me off so bad. He was sitting right in front of them and they could see he is
disabled, but nothing except for what my Mom said is allowed.

My Mom also wanted R to talk and answer some simple questions to show them a little of how he functions. That was also objected by the big lawyer because only people who are sworn in can talk and it was ruled that with his mental capacity he would not understand the oath! Are you kidding me?! Something in there has to be illegal! Isn't that some sort of discrimination? He is totally capable of telling the truth! I have actually never heard him lie. He tells the truth even though he knows he is going to get in trouble. I don't think he knows how to lie or is capable of it. It is hard to explain. His brain just doesn't function that way.

So basically if they build this they will have to move. There are a lot of other issues like handicap accessibility and  other things. Also if they move my Mom is basically screwed financially. But R's health, safety and happiness are more important.

There was a lot more that happened that upset me and completely pissed me off, but as of right now my brain is completely in a fog. After crying at my therapist and then actually breaking out crying at the hearing a couple times and now balling my eyes out as I type, I have a huge headache, I am probably dehydrated and I can't turn my brain off. I texted the Hubby how pissed I was during a recess and told him I may just jump up there and strangle the big lawyer, he might have to bail me out of jail.

Sorry that was so long. If you could please send good thoughts, say some prayers or do whatever you do it would be greatly appreciated. We have another month till the next hearing.

Now I am gonna go watch some tv and try to calm down.

24 comments:

  1. Emily! This is terrible! First, what an amazing sister you are to R, seriously. I have met several people in your situation that are not there int his capacity for their mother or sibling. The fact you cry so hard for the situation gives me a lot of hope for it, actually. You are full of spirit and fight and that is what wins things like these.

    Second, I have no idea where you can turn for help, but there has to be a higher place to take your argument. If you don't mind, I'll talk to my friend who works at Stewart Home (http://www.stewarthome.com/). She might have some advice I can pass along. xoxo

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    1. If she does that would be great. Any advice could help. I talked to my Mom and R's disability lawyer and we will be fighting because what they did was illegal.

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  2. Oh hun, that is just awful. I am so sorry. I will send all the positive thoughts I possibly can. A thirty foot wall?! That is utterly ridiculous. I hope you can get the whole thing stopped.

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    1. We are trying our hardest. Thanks for the positive thoughts.

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  3. This is just awful! And a lot of what they are doing is questionable, if not illegal. This isn't a court of law, anyone in town should be able to speak. They have lawyers who specialize in this kind of thing that will attend hearings of all sorts on a disabled person's behalf that work for free or for a nominal fee. They are usually called advocates or patient advocates. If you can't get one of them to help, you can try the ACLU too. The laws vary from state to state, so go to your state website first.

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    1. My Mom spoke to the ACLU a couple months ago. They said they can't do anything till something illegal happens. Now that they totally ignored R's rights my mom is calling them again. R's disability lawyer was there and tried his hardest, almost worked, but now since the town broke the law we are bringing in everything we can. We will be calling R's state advocate that was with him through all the guardianship stuff to help too. I think we have a very good fight now. Thanks for the info.

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  4. This is an awful situation and I am so sorry to hear about it - definitely continue with the legal angle (ACLU is a good idea) but have you considered going to the press? A local news station might be able to help.

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    1. ACLU should be able to help now that they broke the law. My Mom is on it. There is a local paper and website there at each meeting and they wrote a wonderful article about my Mom and R. Maybe I should call the local news.

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  5. How infuriating!!!! I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. I hope they are able to stop it!

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  6. UGH. That is awful!! Sending lots of prayers for an outcome that will be better for all of you ... :(

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  7. It is amazing how some people can so easily switch off their humanity to make a buck. It's disgusting.

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    1. Yup it is disgusting. This quick shop is not needed. There are so many around so close. There is a rival company right next door! Like no more than 30 feet away!

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  8. Like Chicken said call the ACLU for legal assistance. You and your family do have rights. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. BTW a 30 foot wall won't help with the sound barrier. It only deflects the noise upward and it will only change the pitch of the noise. The wall is more of a privacy thing than a noise blocker.

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    1. We are contacting them. The town totally broke the law. Yea we figured the wall wouldn't do much. We are also worried about the smells. R gets sick and migraines very easily from smells.

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  9. Emily, I'm so sorry. People are so damn insensitive and greedy. I hope it gets worked out to your mom and R's advantage one way or another. A little prayer to you guys.

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  10. What a nightmare... and so unjust ! I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this and feel for your family... I hope the outcome is decided fairly and not just about money... and that you can get some legal assistance xoxo

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    1. We will be getting lots of people behind us. I think we have a good fight. Thanks.

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  11. Wow, can't believe how horrible all of that is. I don't know much about the law, but I find it hard to believe that just about anything they are doing is lega, nevermind ETHICAL!!! I will be thinking of you guys and hoping you can find someone that can help you make this go away...

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    1. Yup totally illegal! We will be working with lots of people. Thanks.

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  12. I'm sorry your family has to deal with this. I hope things go your way in court!

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