venting and in need of some prayers

Hi everyone. I am so upset and fired up and I need to vent. It has nothing to do with IF. I apologize for the length of this post, there is just so much info I need to get out so please bear with me. Oh and I apologize for being behind on reading your posts! I am going to relax this weekend and do some reading.

First a little background.

I know I have talked about my brother on some others blogs, but not here yet. My younger brother R is 19. He is actually my half brother, but I have never considered him that. He is and will always be my brother. My step dad is an asshole and is hardly in his life. I basically was his second parent since I was 9. The major thing you should know about my brother is that he is both physically and mentally disabled. He is not classified, yet has many bits and pieces of different syndromes. He has a seizure disorder, OCD, manic depressive and other things that are slipping from my mind right now. He functions between a 3-5 year old level. Physically he has many issues with low muscle tone and other things. He wears braces on his feet up to his knees and can only walk untended with a reverse walker. He gets tired very quickly so we usually transport him in a wheelchair. He needs help with everything. He is on many medications and sees many doctors on a regular basis.

I love R so much! I love him so deeply like he was my own child. He is an amazingly sweet person and loves completely and deeply. His smile can light up a room and he is friends with everyone he meets. I would do anything for him.

And now the reason I am upset.

My Mom and R live in a house that backs up to an old car dealership parking lot which is on a main highway. It is pretty quiet though, because she has a small fence and some trees and the parking lot acts as a buffer. A big company wants to build a 24 hour quick shop and gas station in that parking lot. They say to cut down on the noise they will build a 30 foot wall along the property. That 30 foot cement wall will be 20 feet from their house and everything will be right behind the bedrooms. A 30 foot wall! Do you know how high that is? They put 30 foot walls around prisons! So that will block any view for R from his room and block a ton of sunlight from coming into their yard where R loves to go outside on his bench swing and read in the sun. Which he needs because he has a major Vit D deficiency even though he is on Vit D too. And just the fact of it being something he really enjoys and makes his life a little nicer.

We are also worried about it being 24 hour and all the noise. R already has interrupted sleep and if he doesn't get enough he gets sick very easily and tends to have more breakthrough grand mal seizures. Have you ever experienced someone having a full on seizure?  I know some of you have. It is scary. He stops breathing, convulses hard and the thing that has given me nightmares, his eyes roll into the back of his head. I have experienced it a bunch of times and after he is ok I come out of emergency mode I cry so hard.

So my Mom, some neighbors that are also affected and lots of people in the town have been fighting this for over a year. Tonight was a big meeting with lawyers and all. Basically they kept throwing out things that my Mom wanted to touch on including R's medical record. The big company lawyer will allow my Mom to state his medical problems and concerns for the build, but no medical reports or letters from his doctors were allowed because we couldn't get a doctor to come and me questioned (we had a few that wanted to and tried hard, but were not able to make it to the meeting) It pisses me off so bad. He was sitting right in front of them and they could see he is
disabled, but nothing except for what my Mom said is allowed.

My Mom also wanted R to talk and answer some simple questions to show them a little of how he functions. That was also objected by the big lawyer because only people who are sworn in can talk and it was ruled that with his mental capacity he would not understand the oath! Are you kidding me?! Something in there has to be illegal! Isn't that some sort of discrimination? He is totally capable of telling the truth! I have actually never heard him lie. He tells the truth even though he knows he is going to get in trouble. I don't think he knows how to lie or is capable of it. It is hard to explain. His brain just doesn't function that way.

So basically if they build this they will have to move. There are a lot of other issues like handicap accessibility and  other things. Also if they move my Mom is basically screwed financially. But R's health, safety and happiness are more important.

There was a lot more that happened that upset me and completely pissed me off, but as of right now my brain is completely in a fog. After crying at my therapist and then actually breaking out crying at the hearing a couple times and now balling my eyes out as I type, I have a huge headache, I am probably dehydrated and I can't turn my brain off. I texted the Hubby how pissed I was during a recess and told him I may just jump up there and strangle the big lawyer, he might have to bail me out of jail.

Sorry that was so long. If you could please send good thoughts, say some prayers or do whatever you do it would be greatly appreciated. We have another month till the next hearing.

Now I am gonna go watch some tv and try to calm down.