Thursday, May 17, 2012

upsetting/comforting dream

I was in an unfamiliar bathroom. When I wiped I realized I started bleeding pretty heavily and proceeded to ball my eyes out. I don't know if I was miscarrying or if I was just getting my period, but I was crying harder than I remember ever crying before. When I left the bathroom a huge group of women surrounded me, comforting me. I couldn't make out any faces, but I knew who they were. They were all of you. My beautiful bloggy friends. Thank you for that.


Back to real life.

I stayed in bed for a while just thinking about that dream and a wave of fear rushed over me. I got up, went to the bathroom and I was spotting. It has been and still is brown. It always seems like a lot when I wipe, but never enough to reach the liner. I always spot like this before my period so I am upset and feel like it's over. I know I am only on CD24/11DPO, but there is another thing that makes me think it's over. When I actually ovulate my nipples always hurt from 2DPO till a day or so before AF comes. My nipples went from extremely painful to absolutely nothing yesterday.

I guess I will keep some hope since it's not over till it's over. I just don't feel good about it.

I will be keeping busy till my beta on Sunday. I am still crocheting my butt off trying to finish this baby blanket for B's shower on Saturday. I will finish in time. I don't have a lot to go. I promise I will take pics and do another show and tell when I am done.

This week we also started/continued a big project outside. We finally had someone come take out the rest of the bushes around our house. They were overgrown long before we moved in and were totally overpowering. We are starting from scratch and it looks great already. The house is totally naked right now, but over the weekend the guys will be back to dig up some more roots and then do lots of planting. I will post about it when we are done. I will have before and after shots.

I will leave you today with a pic of our lonely little azalea bush that has been thriving even though it's almost completely covered by other bushes. We saved it and hopefully it will fill out more over time. This was after it rained the other day.

18 comments:

  1. I have pretty vivid dreams too and often remember them every morning. Sometimes it's a curse, especially if you just think and think and think about it. *hug*

    Crossing my fingers and toes that Sunday brings you a huge blessing. I've been thinking of you all week! Hang in there girl.

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  2. I have my fingers crossed so so so hard for you. Vivid dreams are supposed to be a good sign no?

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    1. Thanks. Unfortunately I have vivid dreams quite often.

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  3. I'm still hoping that you get a positive and not a negative.

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  4. If you still have hope then I still have hope for this cycle. Your azalea is lovely. They are such pretty bushes...while they are flowering.

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    1. Thank you. I think there still is hope.

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  5. I still have my fingers crossed. It aint over until it's over. :) XXX

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    1. Thanks I keep that running through my brain.

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  6. It's not over until it's over! I really believe that God gave you such a vivid dream to tell you that no matter what happens, you have so many people out there cheering you on and praying for you and sending you our love. You may not know our faces, but you know that we're out there thinking of you and holding onto the shared belief and hope that one day you will be a mom! I'll be praying for you that this isn't another month of spotting and bathroom tears, but if it is, we will all be here to support you and help you get geared up for another month of TTC. xoxo

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    1. I believe the same thing. Thank you so much.

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  7. I've been thinking of you all week... and keeping up hope for you. We're all here for you, like in your dream... and hoping this is an implantation bleed. Love to you always xoxo

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    1. Thanks. It really means a lot. I hope so too.

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  8. It's because you know how much we all love you! Still holding out hope for you, Emily!

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It is always exciting finding new comments! I really love knowing you were here!

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