I have never liked to be the center of attention. I am the person who is in the background sitting quietly or in a big group, not the center. I was a complete mess at my bridal shower. I was anxious, sweaty and shaking the whole time. It was actually difficult to enjoy myself. It didn't help that I was caught off guard. My family throws surprise showers. (I was completely calm at our wedding because the Hubby was there and I could block out everyone else)
Along with not liking the attention, the thought of a baby shower for OUR babies is utterly SURREAL to me. My family and friends celebrating our babies. Babies that have been wanted for so long, we have worked so hard for and who are so special to us are special to others. Why is that thought so difficult for me to grasp?
My psyc says it goes back to a bunch of things that we have talked about including not being emotionally taken care of enough growing up and not feeling deserving. I grew up putting all others first and when it comes to something for me I have a hard time with it. I also have an extremely difficult time asking for things so the thought of registering and asking people to buy us stuff makes me very uncomfortable.
I talked to the Hubby about all of this too. We obviously knew we would be having a shower, but we didn't know when. Well, I didn't know when, he probably did. I told him about the anxiety and how surreal the whole thing was. How I felt like I would have a difficult time enjoying it because I would be an emotional and anxious mess. Both my psyc and Hubby suggested that I need to take care of me and if I would be more comfortable knowing about the shower then I should talk to my Mom.
I thought about it for a while and decided that even though I would love a surprise shower, I would be more comfortable if I knew when it was and was able to mentally prepare for it. I was planning on talking to my Mom when she came over one day, but instead I got a surprise. Just before she was to come over I got the mail and inside was this.
|My Mom is very excited about the "two by two" on the invite.|
Since I found out when the shower is I have been able to work things out in my head. I don't feel panic anymore when I think about it. I don't feel like I will be an emotional and anxious mess when I am there. I know it will still be very emotional, but an amount that I will be able to handle.
I still had a very difficult time doing the registry. I just can't ask people to spend money on us, but with lots of pushing and help from my Mom and Hubby we finally got it done. I have been told our registry is kinda boring since we basically put the bare essentials on it, but I did go back and add a couple things just for fun that made the Hubby and I happy. I call that a little breakthrough.
Now I am actually getting excited about it! February 16th is going to be a great day!