Sunday, January 27, 2013

mentally preparing for my shower

Throughout this pregnancy whenever I thought about a shower for these babies I would have a little moment of panic. It was never panic about jinxing the pregnancy, even though there have been times that I was anxious about getting to viability. It was panic about the attention and other things.

I have never liked to be the center of attention. I am the person who is in the background sitting quietly or in a big group, not the center. I was a complete mess at my bridal shower. I was anxious, sweaty and shaking the whole time. It was actually difficult to enjoy myself. It didn't help that I was caught off guard. My family throws surprise showers. (I was completely calm at our wedding because the Hubby was there and I could block out everyone else)

Along with not liking the attention, the thought of a baby shower for OUR babies is utterly SURREAL to me. My family and friends celebrating our babies. Babies that have been wanted for so long, we have worked so hard for and who are so special to us are special to others. Why is that thought so difficult for me to grasp?

My psyc says it goes back to a bunch of things that we have talked about including not being emotionally taken care of enough growing up and not feeling deserving. I grew up putting all others first and when it comes to something for me I have a hard time with it. I also have an extremely difficult time asking for things so the thought of registering and asking people to buy us stuff makes me very uncomfortable.

I talked to the Hubby about all of this too. We obviously knew we would be having a shower, but we didn't know when. Well, I didn't know when, he probably did. I told him about the anxiety and how surreal the whole thing was. How I felt like I would have a difficult time enjoying it because I would be an emotional and anxious mess. Both my psyc and Hubby suggested that I need to take care of me and if I would be more comfortable knowing about the shower then I should talk to my Mom.

I thought about it for a while and decided that even though I would love a surprise shower, I would be more comfortable if I knew when it was and was able to mentally prepare for it. I was planning on talking to my Mom when she came over one day, but instead I got a surprise. Just before she was to come over I got the mail and inside was this.
My Mom is very excited about the "two by two" on the invite.
An invite to MY baby shower! I immediately started crying. Tears of joy, gratitude, relief and so much more than I can put into words. My Mom walked in the door to me bawling my eyes out. She got worried that something was wrong, but I told her it was because I got the invite. I told her how I had been feeling and that I was planning on talking to her that day about it not being a surprise. She said she has had a feeling about all of it for a while so she had called the Hubby and asked him about it. When he confirmed her suspicions she and my MIL decided to send me an invite and not have it be a surprise. She also half jokingly told me that I shouldn't worry about the attention because none of this is about me! Hehehe! It's all about the babies! That made me laugh and actually feel better. I have been keeping that thought in my head and it's getting me through. All the attention is on Squirt and Roo, not me. The shower is for Squirt and Roo and not me. I will be an invisible floating belly at the shower! I like thinking about the last one!

Since I found out when the shower is I have been able to work things out in my head. I don't feel panic anymore when I think about it. I don't feel like I will be an emotional and anxious mess when I am there. I know it will still be very emotional, but an amount that I will be able to handle.

I still had a very difficult time doing the registry. I just can't ask people to spend money on us, but with lots of pushing and help from my Mom and Hubby we finally got it done. I have been told our registry is kinda boring since we basically put the bare essentials on it, but I did go back and add a couple things just for fun that made the Hubby and I happy. I call that a little breakthrough.

Now I am actually getting excited about it! February 16th is going to be a great day!

14 comments:

  1. Oh man do I know how you feel, I had the same reaction at all 3 of my bridal showers! It's strange how you can look forward to your baby shower ans still be panicked about it.
    I love that invite! I wonder if there are thank you cards that match?

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    1. Thank goodness I'm only having 1 shower. I would not be able to handle more than one. I think my Mom got them on clearance so I'm not sure. I will definitely find something cute though.

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  2. So happy for you! I know I'm a horrible friend and rarely comment, but I still do check in on you. I'm happy for you. Happy that these 2 are staying strong. Happy that you're doing well! If I wasn't still struggling so much I'd totally ask for an invite to the special day! So instead, I just ask you email me your registry link. :) And you're not allowed to say no!!!

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  3. I felt the same way before I had my second shower ... like I didn't want anyone to be celebrating. And my mother didn't throw me one ... only the people at work did (so I never had one with my friends). It WAS stressful ... but how thoughtful of your family to know you well enough to help you take care of yourself emotionally!

    Enjoy the attention to your floating belly!

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    1. I know I will enjoy the attention to my belly. When people are focusing on that I feel great. I am a strange one that doesn't care if people rub it. I guess as long as the attention is on that and not me. LOL I'm so strange!

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  4. Awww! I'm glad your family and husband care so much to make this easier for you! My shower was very ackward (church shower) but I had to remember that it was about my daughter and how much everyone loved her and wanted to be there! Plus babies are super expensive so I appreciated everything we got!

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    1. Yea I totally appreciate everything we will get, just not used to it all. The thought of everyone is there for Squirt and Roo and that they are loved as much as I love them is getting me through.

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    2. I know. It's hard. You know I spent the first 4 months of M's life feeling guilty for having her when so many were still struggling and was on the brink of depression even though I had what I'd always wanted. Try not to feel guilty and know that YOU DESERVE THIS! Don't cheat yourself out of fun and happiness because of the past. You've come a long way and deserve to be blessed, and loved on and pampered!

      Take care of yourself!

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  5. Yay! I'm glad that everything is working out in a way that is more comfortable for you. I can't wait to hear all about it! I hope everything goes smoothly and that you are able to enjoy yourself. Also while it is about Squirt & Roo, allow yourself to take in a little of the love and attention if possible. You are doing really hard and important work growing those babies! <3

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    1. I know I will have to take some of the attention. My friends and family will definitely be putting it on me. I'm glad I have the time to prepare for it though.

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  6. So happy for you! Enjoy every second of it!!! xoxo

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