I'm scared of having a girl.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think about having a daughter is we will have the same horrible relationship that my Mom and I have. That thought is so stupid to me, but still scares me. My Mom and I are so different. I am not like her. I made sure of it. All the things I hate about her personality and how she handles things I made sure I did not follow in her footsteps. If I caught myself doing something that she would do I stopped, thought about it and changed my ways right then and there and never did it again.
I have done so much to not be like her so why and I still so scared?
My therapist has told me there are a lot of people with the same fear and how having a daughter can be amazing because of the fear. She says raising a daughter the way I want to and giving her all the things I didn't get in my own relationship with my mother can be healing. Healing through raising your children. That sounds amazing to me.
I am also a little nervous about experiencing the father daughter
relationship between my Hubby and a daughter. Other than pictures I have
seen, I have not experienced that.
I would love to see it first hand, be a part of it and I will be so happy to give my
daughter another thing I didn't have, but I know sometimes it might be
upsetting seeing what I missed out on. I wonder if that would be another
healing experience through our children?
I was talking to my cousin T last night and I told her about my fear. She reminded me that God does not give us anything we can't handle. I often repeated that through the years of IF. Now I find myself repeating it today. If He gives me 1 or 2 girls it's for a reason and I can do it even if I am scared. If I do have a girl maybe He is giving me that chance to heal because I need it.
I guess we will see. I am still scared, but hopefully I wont' be as much by the time Roo and Squirt get here.
Any Moms out there experience this? Healing through your children?