Thursday, February 23, 2012

getting stronger

First I want to thank everyone for all your kind words and your support. I got very upset. It definitely was a combination of things. I cried most of the night on the Hubby's chest. We had a very long talk. He actually spoke more than a couple words and didn't just listen to me cry and spew my thoughts. I was so shocked I just cuddled, silently cried and listened as he pet my head.

He said everything I needed to hear. He reassured me that we could do this and that we will do as much as I can handle. He told me how strong I am. I told him my worries about money if we do end up doing IVF and he told me we will make it work and then said we are not going to worry about that till we need to. He went over our plan again with me. We had decided to do 3 IUIs and then talk to out RE about possibly changing meds like she suggested.

I know how he feels about everything, but it was amazing to actually hear him talk about it all. I feel like we connected in a whole new way. The next day, thinking over everything, I realized that our relationship is getting stronger. It is such an amazing feeling.

 When I get stressed or upset I get a whole lot of nervous energy. I walk around the house and try to find something to do to let it out. I clean or organize stuff or if I am really crazed I walk, fast. There have been times where I just walk and think and don't pay attention to where I am going. I have found myself almost 2 miles down our main road having to turn around because I am about 20 feet from getting on a highway. Since it's winter, every time I try to walk I freeze my butt off, so I usually go stir crazy around the house.

Last month I changed gyms. I hadn't worked out in about 2 months. I used to go to one of those women's fitness circuit work out places. I went there for a while before I got married and lost 20lbs. Most recently I was there for 4 months. It got boring and I just stopped going. I was doing the same thing every day and could only do it for a half hour. I didn't feel like it helped get all the nervous energy out that I needed. The new place is cheaper only $10 a month and it is for your average Joe. No body builders allowed! They have so many different machines and my favorite, the treadmill. I can walk and walk and keep on walking till I drop and it doesn't matter how cold it is outside!

This month I am going to really take care of me and make some changes so I feel better physically and emotionally. I am going to try and change my habits and keep them going. This week I started going to the gym every day. Last month I only went a couple times a week. Some days it is only for an hour and I just take a vigorous walk, but I feel so much better after. I listen to music and work out things in my head while I walk. I have slept so much better this week because of it.

I have seen a lot of people doing the weekly weigh ins and something called fitness pal. Maybe I will jump on the band wagon.


  1. I'm so sorry about your BFN :( That is really disappointing.
    I'm glad that you and your husband are growing even closer through all this. I've had the same experience thankfully. It is so sad to see IF push couples apart.
    Good luck on your new health challenge! I hope you are able to get to a place where you feel healthier all around.

  2. I had a similar experience with my DH after one of the insurance nightmares, and it (pleasantly, of course) surprised the heck out of me too.

    Happy ICLW!

  3. Exercise was my sanity when we were TTC. It was honestly the one time of day when I could either sort through my feelings or just forget about everything and keep moving. If you like walking, I use DailyMile to track my workouts (well, I did and I will again). Anyways, I'm glad you found a nice new gym and are coping so productively!

  4. My husband does not talk about any of our procedures too. I understand, oh, I undertand how much it means to you when your husband does talk. I think that that is what you should focus on, how much your marriage has strengthen during the IF process. You will get there.

    Also, props to excercising too!!!

  5. Your plan sounds great. Also you should take time to take care of you. Al of this basically sucks. Big hug to you and I hope you feel better.

  6. Join in our group, it keeps us all motivated.

    If you join MFP, my name is shesshells.

  7. Sounds like a good idea going for a walk on a treadmill. When J leaves I'm going to go back to the gym again too.

  8. I'm so glad that your husband listened AND talked ... and that he gave you what you needed!

    And good for you for focusing on your health and your WELLNESS ... that's an awesome way to begin the journey anew. *hug*

  9. Here from ICLW. Good luck with IUI #3. Like you, I joined a gym and went religiously in November and December. These past two months, I only went twice. It sure makes a difference on how I feel though.

  10. I hate my fitness pal. But you know what? It really works. Everytime I commit to it, I lose weight. I just have a hard time commiting. But give it a go! Also, your new gym sounds a lot like Planet Fitness!

  11. Thank you everyone! Blogger still won't let me reply to each of you.

  12. I am so sorry about what you've been through this month. But isn't it just amazing how times like these can bring us so much closer our partners? Hang in there and keep the hope alive.


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