So, tomorrow is my beta. The nerves just hit me now and I am not looking forward to what comes with it. I won't be able to eat because my stomach is flip flopping and it makes me feel sick. I will also be running to the bathroom too often because being nervous does a number on my intestines. Not fun.
I haven't been posting much because I feel so stupid. I really think I am pr...I can't say it. Or at least I thought I was. I know I have no proof yet that I am wrong, but I'm probably not so I'm an idiot for falling for it. I still haven't googled anything or POAS. I haven't fallen for it in over a year. I have been hopeful and thought hey I might be, but the thought doesn't last long. This time I sat there and burst into tears and said in my head "I am". Why the fuck did I do that to myself?!
That was Friday, but I had been thinking about it since Wednesday. I fell for it. I gave in to the "symptoms" and I hate myself for it! I do still have those "symptoms", but they never mean anything. I can think back all I want and say I don't think I have felt like this before or for this long or whatever, but I probably have. I beat myself up over it last night and broke down. Major ugly crying to my Hubby "Why does it have to be such a tease?" He was just quiet and held me.
I really hate myself right now.
Don't forget to enter my Date Night In Giveaway!! The winner will be picked on Tuesday!
OMG I am so excited for you! Making it to beta day is always a good sign!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm crossing my fingers and toes for you!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero for having the strength to not POAS. Good luck tomorrow. Crossing my fingers for you!!!
ReplyDeleteGood luck tomorrow! Fingers are crossed!
ReplyDeleteAww honey, hang in there!! Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteWell done for being so strong.... saying lots of prayers for you!
ReplyDeleteoh you are so much stronger than I!!! I have POAS'd when I KNEW I wasn't pregnant yet did so anyways! lol.
ReplyDeleteGood luck girl! I am praying for you!!!!!
Be gentle to yourself ... this is a hard place to be. I'm glad your husband just held you when you needed that comfort.
ReplyDeleteBreathe, friend ... we'll all be here, waiting with you.
Good luck today! Crossing fingers and toes for you! I was in a similar place last week when I dared to hope but was disappointed on Saturday with AF showing up. I so hope that you will have a wonderful day today with awesome news and that you will be singing and dancing all day :-) Hoping hurts but it's also good that you still can hope! Never loose that. Everything will work out in the end
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. It's such a fine line between hope and reality. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteOMG! Can't wait to hear! xoxox
ReplyDeleteI can't wait! Are you going to make us wait again? :)
ReplyDelete