So, tomorrow is my beta. The nerves just hit me now and I am not looking forward to what comes with it. I won't be able to eat because my stomach is flip flopping and it makes me feel sick. I will also be running to the bathroom too often because being nervous does a number on my intestines. Not fun.
I haven't been posting much because I feel so stupid. I really think I am pr...I can't say it. Or at least I thought I was. I know I have no proof yet that I am wrong, but I'm probably not so I'm an idiot for falling for it. I still haven't googled anything or POAS. I haven't fallen for it in over a year. I have been hopeful and thought hey I might be, but the thought doesn't last long. This time I sat there and burst into tears and said in my head "I am". Why the fuck did I do that to myself?!
That was Friday, but I had been thinking about it since Wednesday. I fell for it. I gave in to the "symptoms" and I hate myself for it! I do still have those "symptoms", but they never mean anything. I can think back all I want and say I don't think I have felt like this before or for this long or whatever, but I probably have. I beat myself up over it last night and broke down. Major ugly crying to my Hubby "Why does it have to be such a tease?" He was just quiet and held me.
I really hate myself right now.
Don't forget to enter my Date Night In Giveaway!! The winner will be picked on Tuesday!