First thanks for all the thoughts and prayers for V. She is still in the hospital, but they didn't induce her. They are keeping an eye on her and giving her platelets from a donor. She is still 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. She is not contracting. I guess they are going to keep the little one in as long as possible as long as neither of them are in danger. I will keep you posted.
So I am currently on CD8 and I took my last 100mg of clomid last night. I go on Saturday for CD10 blood work and our first follicle check.
Has anyone else been kinda "detached" from the second IUI cycle? Last month for our first IUI cycle my mind was on nothing but that. I was mentally present for every pill, I was feeling for and noticed every ovarian twinge while my follies were growing and felt every emotional side effect from the clomid. This time notsomuch.
I feel like I am just going through the motions. I take my pills and go about my day. I don't really feel like I am in a cycle. Kinda doesn't feel like we are trying. The only time I feel any twinges is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and even then not many. Mabey I rarely notice them because I am not waiting for them.
I think I am keeping pretty good control of the emotional side effects. They feel less this time around. I only felt a little emotional on day 2 of clomid. Maybe because it's not "new" anymore I know what to expect and have prepared myself? Maybe I am distancing myself from it so I don't get hurt if it is a negative? Maybe I am just less nervous?
I did have a little bit of a bad thought today. What if the reason I am not feeling as much is cause the clomid isn't working? Can your body get used to it this fast and not work? I am not going to google and freak myself out. I will find out on Saturday and if there is a problem we will deal with it then.
I am still totally excited for this and hoping so hard that is works. After the craziness of last month I feel so subdued.
Also,
I needed a change. I decided to change up the look of my blog. You guys have probably come in at different points and seen some strange setups. I just couldn't find something that made me happy. I think I finally did. But when I finally got it all set up, some stuff on my blog disappeared. My blogroll was completely empty. I don't know about anyone else, but my blog list on my dashboard will not let me add a lot of the blogs I follow it never has. I add them and they never show up so the only way I can see new posts for a lot of you is on my blogroll on my blog. I went through my history and I think I put everyone back on. I hope I did. If you know that I follow you and had your blog on my list and don't see it there now please let me know. I learned about google reader last night so maybe I will try that. Hopefully google will let me add you guys.
I think it's totally normal to get 'ho hum' about ttc after a point. It doesn't mean it's not working, it's just that it doesn't loom as large in importance day to day anymore.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck on Sat!
It's just a strange feeling. Wanting it so bad, but and being 'ho hum' at the same time.
DeleteLove the blog change. I needed to do that as well and I am so happy now with what mine looks like. It's ok to feel like you are just going through the motions and not feeling as emotional. You need a balance. No matter how you are feeling the outcome will be the outcome. I have been fighting through that, if I am not 100% in it, or feeling positive through the whole thing it will not work which is not necessarily the case. I am hoping this is the one for both of us. Then we can deal with a whole set of other emotions!
ReplyDeleteYea I really like yours too! I know it doesn't matter how I'm feeling, whatever is supposed to happen will. I am very hopeful for both of us!
DeleteIt got to the point when I took my last clomid of each cycle (5 cycles of it) that I felt the doom of wondering if it was going to work. For some of us it does work well. My first time using clomid, back in the late 90's I was on my fourth round of it when I became pregnant with the twins. Its really all about timing back then because we didn't use IUI with the clomid or the trigger shot. Heck I'm not even sure it was available back then, probably was but we weren't given that choice.
ReplyDeleteTry to not lose hope though, some cycles I could feel more because I would have really large cysts other cycles the cysts would be the right size and I'd feel practically nothing.
I have hope. It is just so strange being almost completely opposite in emotion and how I feel physically this time around.
DeleteI feel the same way this month!! I mean maybe not AS subdued but much more ho hum than last month. I take my pills, I chart, etc, but I am not obsessing about my abdomen unless I feel something obvious. It feels much more relaxed this time. I think that's a good thing, it's more like how "normal" people do it I think... right? Relaxing?
ReplyDeleteI guess I am more relaxed. I am definitely less nervous and I am actually living my life more this time. Maybe more like "normal" people except I will get knocked up by a woman LOL! My Hubby keeps joking he is gonna tell people that!
ReplyDeleteI also am feeling the same way - right now I'm in the middle of my two week wait for my second IUI and I have no desire to even think about testing myself early and will just wait until my beta next Friday. I also think that I had the same thing happening with the clomid; I had a complete meltdown in the parking lot of a museum during my first IUI round of clomid. This time around I think I knew when and what to expect and my husband certainly knew to kind of give me some space so it wasn't nearly as bad. Even my injections nightly were so routine I would just stop what I'm doing at the designated time, go shoot up, and go right back to whatever it is I was doing. I think I read so many blogs where so many people seem so emotionally invested in their fertility treatments that I wonder if something is wrong with me. I mean, there probably is, but I think being even keeled about the whole thing isn't what is wrong with me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that it's we are not emotionally invested. I think after being so crazy during the first one we might actually be relaxed for this one and it is such a huge difference it feels so strange. I also think that we have been through it once and now we are just trying to get through it again just trying to get to the end we want.
DeleteCan't really give you any insight to a second IUI since we've never done a first! lol. our RE won't even try IUI because of the MFI - and that's why we're going straight to IVF (after I lost 30 pounds...of course...lol)
ReplyDeleteI do like the look of the blog though! But I wanted to say - like dory says..."Just keep swimming"! You know - it WILL happen...even if you aren't mentally there this month...just like I know with my weight loss journey - you have to do what you know to do because in the end it WILL be worth it!
Thanks! LOL that line "just keep swimming" runs through my head all the time! Especially on IUI day. I say it to my Hubby's spermies!
ReplyDeleteHey girl - I understand what you're saying about feeling detached. We are in IVF #2 and it definitely feels different than the first time around, I think that's normal. Maybe it is a form of self protection... it's not that we want it any less than the first time, just the opposite actually.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to relax and enjoy what I can and accept the fact that it is different this time. Maybe different means better...? :) xoxo
I am hoping it means better! I am hoping it means this is it!
ReplyDeleteI was so over TTC by the time I actually conceived. I read somewhere that a large percentage of women undergoing IVF aren't actually sure if they want to be pregnant, probably because infertility leads to some major burnout. Here's hoping this is it for you!
ReplyDelete