the ultimatum: part 2

Please read part 1 if you missed it.

So, where was I?

Oh yes, I have basically distanced myself from Nana F for my own mental and emotional health.

About 4 months ago, after her last marriage failed she decided to move back here. The only person who would sort of take her in was my uncle and my Mom. She was staying with my uncle during the week and my Mom on the weekends.

After 31 years of dealing with her shit and only keeping a relationship with her after my Dad died so she could have a relationship with me, my Mom decided to try and help her again. She got her set up with food stamps, enrolled in a waiting list for senior housing and made sure she ate instead of only drinking her meals. She tried to play peacekeeper and urged my uncle and I to give her another chance. She seemed to be doing well, getting things in order and following the rule of no drinking at my Mom's house.

I cautiously spent time with her, making sure I picked her up early and kept her away from any alcohol. I actually had, dare I say it, a good time with her.

That didn't last.

She showed up drunk to my Birthday party, started sneaking and hiding alcohol around my Mom's house and wasn't treating my Mom well anymore.

My Mom gave her 1 last shot and was going to take her on the trip to Florida so she could go to Dr's visits and meetings with lawyers and such. My Mom asked if I would go too, but I said no because I didn't want to spend that much time with Nana F.

So they went on the 2 day drive and when they got there all hell broke lose. Nana F had hidden open bottles of alcohol in my Mom's car for the trip down. My Mom let her drive once on the way and when she asked Nana F to stop speeding, Nana F proceeded to yell at my Mom and tell her she can do what she wants. She hung around and ruined my Mom and brother's vacation and visit with her parents, Moma and Popa. Drank 2/3 a bottle of wine herself and hit on my Popa in front of friends and family. Never went to her appointments and meetings which was the only reason she was going.
There is lots more shit that happened, but I can't remember it all right now.

On the last night my Mom was done. She informed Nana F that she was going to be searching her bags before they left because my Mom was not allowing any alcohol in the car. Nana F flipped out. Yelling at my Mom and then Moma and Popa that she can do whatever she wants and she has done noting illegal or immoral. Called my family evil people and a whole bunch of other things that my Mom didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to upset me. My Moma and Popa never yell and they actually got fired up. My Mom was very worried about them because they are 80 and 84 and both have heart problems. Nana F told them she didn't need anyone and that she would get home by herself. My Mom was planning on telling her that anyway. She then walked out the door and disappeared walking for 4 hours. She obviously found a bar because she came back drunk with a police officer. She apparently told the police officer she was being abused by her family. The officer knew she had problems and it was confirmed by my Mom and Grandparents when he returned her to the house.

Even after all this my Moma was nice and offered Nana F dinner. Her response was a very nasty no and more yelling.

After all this is when my Mom called me and told me what went on. She said she was going to drive home alone. Moma, Popa, my Hubby and I were all worried about her driving 2 days alone with my handicapped brother, so my wonderful Hubby suggested I take a early flight the next day and drive back with her. So I did. 

The next morning Nana F did her usual next day apologizing and thought everything was fine and she would be driving back with my Mom. She was told how wrong she was.  Nana F told my Mom the she needed her to drive back with her because of my brother and how she had done her a huge favor by coming in the first place since no one else would drive down with my Mom. My Mom informed her that I would have gone. When Nana F asked why I didn't my Mom told her the truth that I didn't want to spend that much time with her. Of course Nana F didn't believe her and called her some nasty things. So, she was being driven to a rental car place and she was on her own. She could drive back, get a flight or take a bus, but she was not going with my Mom. Nana F was dropped off by my Moma and Popa down the street at a rental place and that was it. My Mom picked me up from the airport and kept driving.

Now, we know she is sick and even though we had to give her tough love, we are not heartless. We kept in touch with my uncle and made sure she got home safe. Which she did. She has made the drive from Florida many times.

So, it was the last straw for my Mom and family. Nana F was told to never contact my Mom or her family ever again. She is done.

I have basically been done with her for 12 years. Maybe not completely, but mostly.

In about a month when I start telling most of my family about the babies I am going to have a long conversation with her. Tell her the truth about the past 12 years of our relationship. Remind her of all the conversations we had, tell her all the things she has done and tell her she has a disease and needs help. I will make sure she knows I love and care about her and want nothing more than for her to be healthy and happy, but I can't have a relationship with her if she doesn't get help.

I will be giving her an ultimatum. Either she gets help or she will not have a relationship with me or her Great Grandchildren. And that will be that. She can contact me when she is getting help and not before. If the thought of not ever knowing her Great Grandchildren doesn't  really make her think and realize she has a problem then there is nothing more I can do. To tell you the truth I don't have much hope that it will do anything.

My children will not go through what I had to. They will have better.

Thanks again for reading. Getting it all out really helped me.