Tuesday, February 28, 2012

for all my emotional girls

This is for all my girls on those crazy fertility medications! (like myself) This song makes me laugh every time I hear it!
Oh our poor, poor Hubbies.



mood ring oh mood ring
oh tell me will you bring
the key to unlock this mystery
of girls and their emotions
play it back in slow motion
so i may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind

Monday, February 27, 2012

mind dump monday

Because I can't wait till Thought Vomit Thursday!

  •  I am still not able to reply to any of your comments! I still read them all and enjoy them. As soon as blogger fixes whatever is going on I will bet back to replying. I really hate not being able to!
  • The Hubby left yesterday on another business trip. This time he won't be back till Saturday night! I was planning on going with him, but I need to be here Saturday morning for my CD10 US and blood work. If AF had just shown up one day later I would have been able to go! UGH! So I am home alone again. I am ok with being home alone when he is in this state and I know he is coming home at night. When he is away I can't sleep. I have to give you Military Wives credit. I don't know how you get through it.
  • I am currently on CD5 of IUI #3 and will be taking my 3rd dose of clomid tonight. If the past two clomid cycles repeat themselves then the "Clomid Crazies" should kick in sometime tomorrow. FUN! I don't get too bad. Just a little more emotional.
  • I am dogsitting for my MIL while she is away visiting family. The dog is a little chiwawa. You can see her in the back of this pic. She is sweet and basically keeps to herself unless you put her on the couch or bed with you. Then she will cuddle. She doesn't like to go outside for long. Just to go to the bathroom and back in she goes. She refuses to take walks.
  • I am trying to keep myself busy. I went out to dinner last night with my Mom and Brother. We had a great time and had a few really good conversations. Today I have no big plans. I am going to try and catch up on all the blogs, go work out and then relax and crochet while my dishwasher and washer & dryer do all the work.
  • Tomorrow I have big plans! I am going to be spending the day with C my Guardian Angel! She loves going out on little adventures looking for antiques and thrift and consignment shopping. She always finds beautiful stuff for cheap! She also has a booth at a local antiques mall that she sells things she finds and fixes up and lots of her old stuff to make room for new old stuff! We will be taking a trip deep into the next state over to check some places out and pick up a few things she found on ebay and craigs list for her booth. It is going to be so much fun! We always have an awesome time when we get together and have some great conversations!
  • Wednesday, Thursday and Friday will be much like today. I have no plans. I just have to try and keep myself busy with working out, blogs and crocheting I guess. Hopefully some friends will be around so I can makes some plans to hang. I need to get out of this house or I am going to go crazy!

Friday, February 24, 2012

having trouble with reply

Is anyone else having trouble with their reply buttons? I am not able to reply to anyone's comments on my blog. Noting happens when I click on the button. I have been to other blogger sites and I can reply to comments there.

I am not ignoring your comments. I am reading every one and would like to reply, but cant. Hopefully Blogger will fix this soon.

getting to know you - hello ICLW ers!

Hi everyone! I know I am a few days late, but Welcome to IComLeavWe! If this is your first time, Welcome. If you you have done it before, Welcome back! If you are new to my blog you can read about me here and read about my IF journey here.  I am currently on CD2 of IUI #3 with clomid and ovidrel.

For this ICLW I decided to do a little thing I was tagged in called Getting to Know You. Here are the rules.

Getting to Know You
1 – Post the rules
2 - Answer the 11 questions from the person who tagged you.
3 – Create 11 new questions for the people you tag.
4 – Tag people and link them to your post.
5 – Let them know that you tagged them.
Here are my responses to futuresoccermom's questions @ Pregnancy 101

1. What is a random, goofy hidden talent that you have?
Wow, hard first question. Well it is definitely not a talent and probably lots of people can do this, but it's the only random, goofy thing I could think of. I have a pretty substantial Elvis lip curl.

2. Who is your favorite actor/actress, and what movies or shows did you love them in?
 I think if I have to name one it would be Meg Ryan. I love so many movies of hers!

3. What is the craziest, most ridiculous dream you’ve ever had?
My dreams are usually pretty serious and more like real life situations. The only kinda crazy one I can remember is being a Ghost Buster and running around the city with them like in the movie.

4. How many times have you been to the hospital for non-IF related things?
 3 times all for fractured bones. Broke my tailbone first.  Slipped on goose poop in the high school field playing soccer. I sat on a donut for 6 months. I still have issues since I really messed up my nerves. Then I fractured my right wrist. I fell and landed on it while I was hiking in the woods. Only had a soft cast on it for a few months. I can feel when a big storm is coming. And last I fractured my left ankle. I stepped off a high curb wrong and landed on the side of my ankle. Had a soft cast on that too for a few months.

5. What countries have you traveled to and which was your favorite?
 I have never been out of the US. My favorite state I visited would have to be Colorado. It is so beautiful there.

6. If you could hire your own nutritionist, fitness trainer, or personal chef, which would you choose and why?
 Probably a personal chef. I love to bake, but I don't cook too well. To have someone cook all my meals would be so awesome! I know they would be healthy and so much better than I could ever do.

7. What is your favorite indoor activity? Outdoor?
Hmmm. I guess for indoor I would say just relaxing and crocheting.  Outdoor, going for a walk on a nice day.

8. If you could explain one thing about IF to someone non-IF to help them understand, what would you tell them?
I always had a hard time explaining things to non-IFers. I found an article Beckie posted a while ago that really explains things better than I could. I gave it to my bestie and she finally got it. Here is a link to her post.

9. Talk about your siblings. How many do you have?
I have one Brother. He is actually my half Brother, but I never thought of him that way. We are 9 years apart. My step father is an asshole so I basically was his second parent. He is mentally and physically disabled. Although he is not classified, he had bits and pieces of autism, downs and other things. He also has a seizure disorder. He is an amazing person. Always happy. Is friends with everyone he meets and loves unconditionally. He has taught me so many things. He is the one person I am most excited to tell when we finally have a baby.

10. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a Veterinarian.  I love animals and was always interested in science.

11. What is your favorite condiment? (You know, ketchup, hot sauce)
Probably Franks Red Hot. I put that shit on everything! I really do!

The people I am going to tag are:
Lora @ Hope Delayed
April @ Where Do We Go From Here?

Here are my questions

1. What was your favorite book when you were a kid?
2. What is your favorite card or board game?
3. What food do you absolutely refuse to eat?
4. Where did you go on your last vacation?
5. Do you have any siblings? Tell me about them.
6. What house hold chore do you hate the most?
7. Cake or Pie?
8. If you could go to any country all expenses paid for 2 weeks where would you go?
9. If you could have any animal as a pet what would it be?
10. If you were a pirate and had to have one, which would you choose, a peg leg or a hook for a hand?
11. If you could have a super power what would you choose?

Thursday, February 23, 2012

getting stronger

First I want to thank everyone for all your kind words and your support. I got very upset. It definitely was a combination of things. I cried most of the night on the Hubby's chest. We had a very long talk. He actually spoke more than a couple words and didn't just listen to me cry and spew my thoughts. I was so shocked I just cuddled, silently cried and listened as he pet my head.

He said everything I needed to hear. He reassured me that we could do this and that we will do as much as I can handle. He told me how strong I am. I told him my worries about money if we do end up doing IVF and he told me we will make it work and then said we are not going to worry about that till we need to. He went over our plan again with me. We had decided to do 3 IUIs and then talk to out RE about possibly changing meds like she suggested.

I know how he feels about everything, but it was amazing to actually hear him talk about it all. I feel like we connected in a whole new way. The next day, thinking over everything, I realized that our relationship is getting stronger. It is such an amazing feeling.

 When I get stressed or upset I get a whole lot of nervous energy. I walk around the house and try to find something to do to let it out. I clean or organize stuff or if I am really crazed I walk, fast. There have been times where I just walk and think and don't pay attention to where I am going. I have found myself almost 2 miles down our main road having to turn around because I am about 20 feet from getting on a highway. Since it's winter, every time I try to walk I freeze my butt off, so I usually go stir crazy around the house.

Last month I changed gyms. I hadn't worked out in about 2 months. I used to go to one of those women's fitness circuit work out places. I went there for a while before I got married and lost 20lbs. Most recently I was there for 4 months. It got boring and I just stopped going. I was doing the same thing every day and could only do it for a half hour. I didn't feel like it helped get all the nervous energy out that I needed. The new place is cheaper only $10 a month and it is for your average Joe. No body builders allowed! They have so many different machines and my favorite, the treadmill. I can walk and walk and keep on walking till I drop and it doesn't matter how cold it is outside!

This month I am going to really take care of me and make some changes so I feel better physically and emotionally. I am going to try and change my habits and keep them going. This week I started going to the gym every day. Last month I only went a couple times a week. Some days it is only for an hour and I just take a vigorous walk, but I feel so much better after. I listen to music and work out things in my head while I walk. I have slept so much better this week because of it.

I have seen a lot of people doing the weekly weigh ins and something called fitness pal. Maybe I will jump on the band wagon.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

date night in giveaway winner!!

With everything going on I almost forgot to announce the winner of my most recent giveaway.






Jennifer M!



I hope you enjoy your date night in with you Honey!



The winner was chosen randomly through rafflecopter. You can see the widget drawing announcement here.

notbroken

All I waited for was a chance to make you understand
And tell you these forgotten truths you never thought were real
And if the world should turn its back, you know that I'm still here

Time won't ever steal my soul, we're not broken
So please come home

Morning comes and life moves on
And when it changed you didn't know you belong
And I'll still catch you when you fall through a past that steals your sleep
And scroll these words upon your wall remind you to believe

Time won't ever steal my soul, we're not broken
So please come home
And if the world has worn you down I'll be waiting
So please come home

I won't let them break you down and I won't hear the empty sounds
I'm hopelessly pretending that I know the answer
Angel's light and neon fires that burn so cold through your desires
And all you are is all I need to know

When the world is insane
You get used to the pain and you don't even know what you feel
And I am like you, all alone and confused
But you know it's not forever

Time won't ever steal my soul and we're not broken
So please come home
And if the world has worn you down I'll be waiting
So please come home

Monday, February 20, 2012

heartbroken X2

I just got my beta call.

It's negative.

I stupidly fell for it.

I'm gonna go cry some more.

I have been crying already for a while now worried about MO, Shmerson and Shmaby. Mo's water broke last night and they are hanging in, giving Shmaby 24 hours to see if the waters replenish.  While the chances are slim, they want to give him a chance.  They will probably induce in the am.  She is a little over 23 weeks along.

I have gotten my info from Rachel, Elphaba, Courtney and MJ. Thank you ladies for keeping us updated.

I know I am upset now, but I will get through it and try again. There are bigger things going on right now and I will be keeping my thoughts and prayers with them. Please go offer your support and keep them in your thoughts, prayers, positive energy or whatever you can give. If you do leave a comment here for her I will make sure she gets it.

Now if you excuse me I am going to go bury my tears in a big frozen yogurt with lots of crazy toppings at our local yogurt bar.

I really love you guys. I should tell you that more often. Thank you for all your support.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

i'm so stupid

So, tomorrow is my beta. The nerves just hit me now and I am not looking forward to what comes with it. I won't be able to eat because my stomach is flip flopping and it makes me feel sick. I will also be running to the bathroom too often because being nervous does a number on my intestines. Not fun.

I haven't been posting much because I feel so stupid. I really think I am pr...I can't say it. Or at least I thought I was. I know I have no proof yet that I am wrong, but I'm probably not so I'm an idiot for falling for it. I still haven't googled anything or POAS. I haven't fallen for it in over a year. I have been hopeful  and thought hey I might be, but the thought doesn't last long. This time I sat there and burst into tears and said in my head "I am". Why the fuck did I do that to myself?!

That was Friday, but I had been thinking about it since Wednesday. I fell for it. I gave in to the "symptoms" and I hate myself for it! I do still have those "symptoms", but they never mean anything. I can think back all I want and say I don't think I have felt like this before or for this long or whatever, but I probably have. I beat myself up over it last night and broke down. Major ugly crying to my Hubby "Why does it have to be such a tease?" He was just quiet and held me.

I really hate myself right now.



Don't forget to enter my Date Night In Giveaway!! The winner will be picked on Tuesday!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

thought vomit thursday

  • I just found out that my friend B is having a girl. I will be making my first girl blanket as soon as she registers and I see what color scheme she is going with.
  • My kitty is doing better. It looks like he has stopped vomiting for a while. I changed his food to a sensitive stomach formula so hopefully that has helped.
  •  The Hubby left on another business trip on Tuesday morning. Yup, that's right, I spent Valentine's day alone. We don't really celebrate, but I really hate it when he goes away. I can't sleep and I get a little depressed. I am so glad he comes home tomorrow!
  •  Since I had nothing do do on Valentine's day, I made an appt for an eye exam. I have not had one since middle school. I used to have better than 20/20 vision, but I can feel my distance slipping a bit. I totally have some trouble seeing signs while driving especially at dusk and at night and all the lights are all starbursty. There is a new piece of equipment that does digital retinal photography instead of dilating you eyes. It is so cool! It takes a picture of the back of your eye and can show them so much more than with dilation. It showed that I have astigmatism in my left eye and, get this, I have a freckle (Choroidal Nevus) on my right retina!!! I couldn't help but chuckle at that. I have freckles all over my body, why not in my eye! It is nothing to worry about and is pretty common. When the Dr was looking over my paperwork she asked me if I was taking metformin for diabetes for PCOS. I told her I wasn't actually diagnosed with PCOS, but I am taking it while I am doing IUIs. She smiled at me and said good luck and told me her son is an IVF baby! So the exam showed basically what I already knew. I need glasses for distance while driving, movies and anything far away I would like to see better. I looked around at the different frames and sent a few pics to the Hubby, but he couldn't give me any advise so I am going to wait till tomorrow and go back with him to pick them out! I am excited!
  •  Went out to see "The Vow" with my bestie N last night. She hasn't had a girl's night out since long before Little Z was born. We went all out and got popcorn! The movie was good, but not as much of a tear jerker I thought it would be. We both cried a bit, but were expecting to be bawling our eyes out LOL! We talked for a few hours after and caught up with each others lives. It was really nice. Still didn't tell her about either one of my IUIs though.
  • I told my psyc about my weekend and getting caught off guard twice. We both had a pretty good laugh when I told her my Tante told me I could come to her for IVF advise. I am so glad I can laugh about the whole situation now.

I am going to leave you with a song I have loved for a long time. I first heard it after the Hubby moved 5 hours away for a great job 5 months into dating and it became a song I listened to often when we were apart. He used to drive home to me every weekend to see me for a year and a half till he found a better job back home.

I thought of this song after my eye exam. Here is why...
i am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images and
when we kiss they're perfectly aligned
 I thought that was pretty cool. My favorite lyric though is this...
and i have to speculate
that God himself did make us into
corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces
from the clay



DON'T FORGET TO ENTER MY DATE NIGHT IN GIVEAWAY!!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

date night in giveaway!!!

Ok so I am finally getting to post my second giveaway of my 2WW! This one is to share with your Honey.


The Hubby and I love movies. Our first date we went to see Daredevil.  For the first couple months we dated he would come home from college on the weekends and we would go out to eat and see a movie. We liked going out because we could be alone. His Mom and brother were always home and my Mom and brother were always home so we didn't get much privacy. Every once in a while we would be able to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie with out being bothered and it was awesome! We shared our first kiss cuddling on his couch watching Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Still one of our favorite things to do is cuddle and watch a movie.

Since it is Valentine's day I decided to be romantic and giveaway a date night in. Here is what you will get:

  • A $25 gift card to get your favorite take out. Pizza...Chinese...burgers...whatever you get remember to use throw away dishes. There will be no cleaning to keep you from your Honey. (unfortunately the gift card is US only)
  • Popcorn! In a pop up bowl. Remember, no dishes!  You gotta have popcorn when you are cuddled up together watching a...
  • Movie! I decided to share with you some of my favorite more recent romantic movies. You will be able to pick one and I will send it to you so you can watch with your honey! So here they are.




You may notice there are a few movies with Meg Ryan. I just love a lot of her movies.

So entering this giveaway will be just like the last one. Please use the Rafflecopter form below. The winner will be drawn on Tuesday February 21st.

Monday, February 13, 2012

caught off guard, twice

First, I just got word that V had her baby about an hour ago. A healthy 8lbs 3oz. Mommy and baby are doing well.


This weekend was completely taken over by family. A bridal shower on Saturday and a big Birthday party on Sunday. I hate it when my family plans things like this and takes up our whole weekend. I love my family, but right now I can only take so much of them.

So Saturday I thought would be good. A bridal shower. No babies, no pregnant women. Yea, I was wrong. I was enjoying myself and all of a sudden my friend B and her Mom walk in the door. There she was with her 20 week belly. Right in my face. This was the first time seeing her since she told me she was pregnant by text at 16 weeks. I had completely forgot that her Mom and my Aunt (the bride's mother) are really good friends so obviously she would be there. Seeing bellies in pictures I am fine, I really enjoy them, but in person I have an instant internal panic attack. I can't look at it, I just have to get away. Of course she wanted to sit and chat since I hadn't seen her in a while. She could tell I was uncomfortable, but we chatted and caught up and she didn't bring up anything baby (thank you thank you) till I did. It took almost 2 hours, but I finally relaxed and had a nice time with her.

Then during dessert something happened that made me feel like I was going to throw up on the spot. First a little background. My Moma (grandma) is here visiting from Florida and her SIL, my great Tante (aunt) J from Vegas. The party on Sunday was for Moma's 80th. Anyway, Moma and Tante J are so close. They talk every day for hours and have since my grandparents got married 61 years ago. They tell each other about everything, but keep it between them. When I told my Moma about our IF I knew in the back of my head that she was going to tell Tante J and they would keep it a secret. Moma was pretty confused about all the IF stuff and doesn't know the difference between IUI, IVF and anything else. What I didn't know was Tante J was going to talk to me about it.

So during dessert. Tante J walks up to me and pretty loud says "So I hear you are doing IVF". My jaw dropped. I could feel all the blood drain from my face. I felt sick. I pulled it together enough to say "No we are not doing IVF" and "This is not something I am disguising with family". She said ok, but kept on talking. Telling me about her friend's daughter who did IVF. She told me how She thinks the science is amazing, but she is upset at how expensive everything is. She also told me that if "I wanted any info on IVF" she would be happy to tell me all about it. Because my 85 year old great aunt knows everything about IVF because her friend's daughter went through it!!!!! Are you kidding me?!! When she finally stopped talking I walked away and kinda hid the rest of the night.

When I got home I told the Hubby and he flipped out! He got so mad and was ranting about how my family are a bunch of idiots (which I totally agree sometimes) and I am going through enough and don't need this shit. He was about to call and yell at her, but I told him I would talk to her the next day at the next family party.

Sunday was Moma's 80th Birthday party and we were celebrating  a Tante's 50th and an Uncle's 60th. I got a moment alone with Tante J and told her how she caught me off guard and how that upset me. I told her how it is not something I want to talk about. If I want to I will bring it up. She apologized and told me the last thing she wanted to do was upset me. I of course cried a bit and it was all good. I am still a bit upset about it though. I am just really emotional right now.

Oh! Something funny to show you how emotional I am. Saturday morning the Hubby and I were watching American Restoration and one of the guys was adopting a dog. They were bringing dogs one at a time out to meet him to see who would be a good match. They brought out this one dog that ran right up to him and started licking his face and just loved him. I completely started to cry. The Hubby just looked at me like I was crazy and I started doing that strange laugh and cry at the same time. LOL! Glad I am ending this post on a funny note.

Tune in tomorrow for my second 2WW giveaway!

chocolate giveaway winner!

Thank you all for entering my giveaway. I enjoyed reading all your favorite chocolates. Made me drool LOL!



And now for the winner!








I hope you and the little girl in your belly enjoy the chocolate! Oh and your Hubby if you share with him LOL! Let me know what candy you would like me to add to the prize.


The winner was chosen randomly through rafflecopter. You can see the widget drawing announcement here.

Friday, February 10, 2012

mini meltdown

I feel like I have been a bad blogger. I just don't know what to write. I have a few things partially written, but I just can't finish them right now because they are upsetting me too much. I am trying to keep up with you guys because I enjoy reading and commenting and you keep my mind off myself. I have been just trying to get through each day and I was doing fine till yesterday.

Yesterday a bunch of stupid little things happened and it got me to the point where I had a mini meltdown.

The day started off with my blood test for progesterone. Right after my IUI the Dr told me to come back Wednesday for my blood test, so I did. When I got there I was told I was a day early. I told them I would come back the next day, but I was told to wait while they talk to the nurse. A half hour later I was called in and got my blood test.

When the nurse called me she said "Ya know, you came in a day early and the test is not accurate, but take the progesterone because it won't hurt" I told her how I was told by the Dr to come in that day and I told them I would come back if they wanted me to and they just took it anyway. I figured I would be taking it anyway since I had to last time. I got a little upset when she sounded like she was reprimanding me for coming in too early. Maybe she was having a bad day cuz her tone wasn't very nice.

The Hubby texted me to tell me he just found out he has to go on a business trip next week. He leaves on Valentines day. I hate when he goes away! I got upset.

Then, I had a big glass of soda and I was enjoying it a ton. I knocked it all over the floor and I didn't have any more. I was so pissed. It was stupid, but I got upset.

The final thing that put me over the edge was our fake Christmas tree. Don't judge me. Our tree was still up, naked. I have been too lazy to take it down. So I started to take it apart and was struggling with it. The branches just didn't want to fold up. I tried tying twine around each layer, it kept breaking. Tried squishing it and just wrapping it with the bubble wrap it came with, it just wouldn't fit in the box. The branches were scratching my arms and I was all itchy and red. After 45 minutes of this I had a little hissy fit and started balling my eyes out!

First I was just crying about the stupid tree and then every emotion I was feeling about this IUI came out. I am so scared of this not working! I am scared of being disappointed again. I am so tired of my body failing. The Hubby yells at me when I say that because I am not failing. Both our bodies have issues that are contributing. I still feel like my body is failing because it is happening inside me.

All the babies around me are having big moments. Rolling over, crawling, walking and saying first words and the pictures and texts I get are just killing me. Just more reminders of what I am missing out on.

My psyc says I am putting too much pressure on myself. She says I need to put getting pregnant this month out of my mind. Just say it's not going to happen now, but I will be pregnant in the next 6 months. Make the plan not as specific. Keep reminding myself that we are working on it. We are actually doing something. I don't know how to do that. I feel like the only thing that is getting me through this is the hope that this is going to work. I don't know how to find a happy medium. I am so lost.



DON'T FORGET TO ENTER MY CHOCOLATE GIVEAWAY!!!! MAKE SURE YOU CLICK THE GREEN ENTER BUTTONS FOR EACH ACTION YOU TAKE!!!! A FEW OF YOU ANSWERED THE QUESTION, BUT DIDN'T ENTER ON THE RAFFLECOPTER ENTRY FORM!

Monday, February 6, 2012

chocolate giveaway!!

I wanted to do a giveaway during the 2ww of my first IUI, but I was busy traveling and all different stuff. So this time I am going to do 2 giveaways! 1 for each week of my 2ww! The first one starts today.

This may not be a very exciting giveaway, but I know lots of you will like it. I am giving away...

CHOCOLATE!!!!


I decided to do this because when I get my medication from my mail IF pharmacy they give me chocolate with it. It is such a sweet gesture and I think everyone should get that. Even if you are not cycling chocolate always makes your day a little bit better.

I don't know what everyone likes so I decided to share my favorites! I hope you like them. I have been on a chocolate kick for the past few months or so. I always get the little individual wrapped ones so I can allow myself 2 a day max. I usually eat one or a little handful of the pieces after I take all my baby making pills at night. I give myself a few after my trigger shot!

So the winner will get everything in the pic above and 1 kind of chocolate of your choice! If you would like something other than chocolate like a hard or gummy candy that is fine too! I personally love swedish fish! Whatever you are craving!

I am going to try and use Rafflecopter! Go ahead and enter below!


Sunday, February 5, 2012

IUI #2

Just like last time we were at the hospital, sample in hand, at 6:30 am. We handed it off and went down to the cafeteria for some breakfast while it was washed. I was actually able to eat this time. I was a lot less nervous.

When we came back up we didn't even have time to sit down. We were called right in. I stripped down to my fuzzy socks and hopped on the table. A couple minutes later the Dr came in. It wasn't Dr G this time. It was the Dr who did a lot of my US for this and last IUI. I really like her! I think I like her better than Dr G. She seems happier all the time and is just a hopeful person.

She gave me the paper to sign and showed me the post wash count. It was the same as last time, lower than they would like. She saw my face, that I was a little disappointed. She looked at me, smiled and said "I know it is less than you would have liked, but it can still work!" She was upbeat through the whole thing. It was just as quick at the last one and I laid there for 10 min and we left.

I am kinda happy things were sped up and weren't "planned". It gave me no time to think. I am feeling good.

I did have a little pink on the toilet paper about an hour after which I didn't have the last time. Then like 6 hours after I had some old brown blood mixed with CM that was enough to get a little on my undies. I think it was just from them roughing up my cervix a bit I guess. I am not gonna worry about it. And like the last time I am not gonna be googling anything! Anyone have this after an IUI?

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Check back tomorrow. I will be doing a little 2WW giveaway!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

righty is in a rush!

First I wanted to give you an update on V. They gave her donor platelets, got all her numbers under control and she was released. No baby yet! I think they will induce next week if she doesn't go into labor.



I went for my CD10 blood work and US. They found lefty right away and I have a couple of 14mm. Then like usual it took them a while to find righty. When she did she got quiet. She measured a couple things and then told me "you have a 20mm follicle on your right". My jaw dropped! 20mm!!!!! On CD10!!!! What the heck? I was told to trigger today and come in tomorrow for the IUI! We will see what the spermie count is tomorrow and we might do another one on Monday.

At first I got a little worried. The Hubby and I try to plan it out so we abstain for 2 days before the IUI. We had planned on "resetting his balls" (as he calls it LOL!) this morning when I got back thinking it would be like last time and the IUI would be either Monday or Tuesday. We couldn't do that because then it would be less than 24 hours. The last time we did the horizontal polka was Wednesday night so that means tomorrow will be 3 1/2 days. I hope we get a good sample. Also, if we end up doing a second IUI it will only be a 24 hour sample the second time. I don't know how good it will be because of his low count already. We will see what she suggests tomorrow.

I have a big very strange favor to ask. I have been thinking a lot about my Poppy (Grandpa) recently. He died 2 years ago in January. I am working on a post about him. Well, he told me that rubbing a pregnant belly is good luck. He had me rub 2 of them at my wedding LOL! All you pregnant ladies out there, I don't care how far along you are, would you give your belly a little rub and think of me? I would really appreciate it.

I would also appreciate any good thoughts and prayers and crossing of anything. I am putting so much of me into this. I have found my hope again and I have such a strong feeling right now it is bringing me to tears.

Tomorrow we had planned on moving furniture. My Nana sold her house and my friend and I are taking furniture she can't fit in her condo. I am taking a couple special pieces that my Poppy either made or were special to him. Anyway, I know I shouldn't be lifting things just in case so thank goodness there will be 3 strong men so I can lay low and still don't have to tell anyone that I just had an IUI.

I know some of you out there are going through some rough times right now. Bad news, stressful 2WWs and other things. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I love you guys! This is for you.

I love Van Morrison, but I'm feelin Rod Stuart tonight.

 "Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too"

Thursday, February 2, 2012

a little detached

First thanks for all the thoughts and prayers for V.  She is still in the hospital, but they didn't induce her. They are keeping an eye on her and giving her platelets from a donor. She is still 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. She is not contracting. I guess they are going to keep the little one in as long as possible as long as neither of them are in danger. I will keep you posted.


So I am currently on CD8 and I took my last 100mg of clomid last night. I go on Saturday for CD10 blood work and our first follicle check.

Has anyone else been kinda "detached" from the second IUI cycle? Last month for our first IUI cycle my mind was on nothing but that. I was mentally present for every pill, I was feeling for and noticed every ovarian twinge while my follies were growing and felt every emotional side effect from the clomid. This time notsomuch.

I feel like I am just going through the motions. I take my pills and go about my day. I don't really feel like I am in a cycle. Kinda doesn't feel like we are trying. The only time I feel any twinges is at night when I am trying to fall asleep and even then not many. Mabey I rarely notice them because I am not waiting for them.

I think I am keeping pretty good control of the emotional side effects. They feel less this time around. I only felt a little emotional on day 2 of clomid. Maybe because it's not "new" anymore I know what to expect and have prepared myself? Maybe I am distancing myself from it so I don't get hurt if it is a negative? Maybe I am just less nervous?

I did have a little bit of a bad thought today. What if the reason I am not feeling as much is cause the clomid isn't working? Can your body get used to it this fast and not work? I am not going to google and freak myself out. I will find out on Saturday and if there is a problem we will deal with it then.

I am still totally excited for this and hoping so hard that is works. After the craziness of last month I feel so subdued.


 Also,
I needed a change. I decided to change up the look of my blog. You guys have probably come in at different points and seen some strange setups. I just couldn't find something that made me happy. I think I finally did. But when I finally got it all set up, some stuff on my blog disappeared. My blogroll was completely empty. I don't know about anyone else, but my blog list on my dashboard will not let me add a lot of the blogs I follow it never has. I add them and they never show up so the only way I can see new posts for a lot of you is on my blogroll on my blog. I went through my history and I think I put everyone back on. I hope I did. If you know that I follow you and had your blog on my list and don't see it there now please let me know. I learned about google reader last night so maybe I will try that. Hopefully google will let me add you guys.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

prayer request

Remember my cousin V? The one I made the most recent blanket for, well she is in the hospital right now. She isn't actually due till the 21st. She is having issues with her blood pressure being high and her platelets are extremely low. She is not contracting but is already 4cm and her cervix has thinned out a ton. They will probably induce her today.

Please say a little prayer or just send out some good vibes that she has a smooth delivery and everyone is healthy.
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