so why am I so upset?
We knew it would be while I was still on the table after IUI #3. The odds were just not in our favor. We prepared for it. I didn't get my hopes up at all. Then why do I feel so defeated?
I know I don't want to give up, but my first thoughts were maybe we aren't meant to have kids. Maybe we should just sell this house that we wanted to grow a family in and just get a small condo. I will find a job (BTW I didn't get the job) and we will spend all our money on vacations. I cried and said all that to the Hubby. He laughed at me. I know he wasn't being mean, he just didn't know what to say to a crazy woman, so I laughed a bit too.
I know we aren't going to give up. We have our plan. We are taking the next cycle off so I can go for the mandatory injection classes and then we will be doing IUI #4. I don't know what injectable I will be using yet. I wish I could skip the class. I know how to draw up shots and give them. It used to be my job!
I have a massage on Thursday. I booked it when I got home from the IUI knowing I wouldn't be pregnant and could go. I feel like spending this next month sitting around listening to my IF mix, drinking beer and crying my eyes out while I crochet.
My brain just stopped working.
Oh Emily, I'm so sorry. There is nothing wrong with your plan of drinking and crocheting! Or is that dangerous to mix? :) Enjoy your massage, you deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I know that feeling all to well. ((HUGS)) Enjoy your beer and have a sip for me :)
ReplyDeleteIUI is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many other options. Don't give up hope yet stay strong lovely.
ReplyDelete:( I want to cry with you. I know the feeling. No we haven't even done any IUI's or anything yet - but I know that "what if it never happens". you can NOT let those feelings win. You must be positive! I hope you feel better soon and who knows - maybe the #4 is your lucky number!!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. Even though you thought you knew, it's just as hard. I'll be thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. The news is never easy, even when expected. Take care of yourself tonight and hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry :( I know how hard BFNs can be even when they are anticipated. I hope that you are able to get some relief from the break before IUI #4.
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart that this is not happening for you yet. I think taking a month off is a good idea to give you a rest even though I know you want to jump right in again. It just helps the mind. I hope the injectables work as I wish IVF on no one.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! And enjoy that beer. Hopefully sometime soon you won't be able to drink them ;)
I'm sorry that this wasn't the cycle for you :( I hope that the injectibles do the trick. Do something for yourself and regroup. Hang in there, and don't give up hope.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry my dear. It is never easy, no matter what your expectations. Onward with the plan though and that is great. I am sending hugs, huge hugs. Spoil yourself and do something lovely with your man.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I don't think seeing a BFN is ever easy, even if it is expected.
ReplyDeleteThe best thing I did in this whole process was to take a 1 month break between IUI and IVF. I was able to clear my head and just be a normal person again. I think it will do you much good to not have to think about any of this. *HUGS!*
ReplyDeleteVisiting from ICLW...I'm sorry about the BFN...just don't give up hope b/c sometimes that's all we have to hang onto! Taking a month off is always good now and again...and I hope it flies by for you!
ReplyDeleteKatie
Sending Hugs Emily! We did 3 IUIs all 3 did not work, my RE recommended going straight to IVF, as the IUI chances are still so small in comparrison. We took 3 months off to save some $ and sanity, and we were lucky that our first IVF took! Tkae time to relax, breathe and things do seem a little easier *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry this one didn't work.
ReplyDeleteOH friend I'm so sorry. Even if we think it's going to be a negative it's still so hard to see it.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending big hugs.
Oh, E. ... I'm so sorry. About the job, about the results ... and about where you are emotionally and spiritually right now. Sending you a hug ...
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog on ICLW...so sorry to read this post. Hoping a massage and time can ease the pain even a little...sending you big hugs
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie! I'm so very sorry. If I could crawl through this screen to yours, I would give you a big hug. But since I can't, I'm sending you a virtual hug instead. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteOh man, hang in there - I'm so sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry Emily:( Of course you are feeling defeated and disappointed! This can only mean that that job and the timing for this cycle were both just not right for some reason! So go get that massage, drink some beer, and crochet your heart out this month. I'm thinking of you and sending big hugs!!!!
ReplyDeleteCame over from ICLW... I'm so sorry that I found you during a sad time, but I can completely identify with what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteI honestly thought I was the only one with an IF mix and the compulsion to crochet/knit when down.
Hang in there & keep fighting the good fight. I look forward to following you're journey!
Oh Sweetie, I'm so so sorry. We have all had those crazy lady days where we want to give up. Spend this month off doing whatever you want, make it a you month. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteHuggs
Kat
So sorry for your bfn. I know how horribly hard it is, and it is hard to pull yourself out of the funk. I know it will happen for you, soon.
ReplyDeleteHi... here from Cristy's blog Searching for a silver lining.. and it looks as though I'm the one to send you some socks. I'm so sorry to hear about your recent negative. This journey is so hard and such a roller-coaster. Lovely that you have a plan to move forward... FXd for you... and hope that new socks help along the way :) I have a private blog but happy for IF'ers and BLMs to join... so you can email me on newyearmum@gmail.com and I can send you an access link... and I guess your details too for me to send you the socks. Thinking of you xoxo
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and sending strength your way
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. I hope the massage helped. Sounds like the beer and the crocheting might come in handy too! Don't give up - there are certainly people in this world who were never meant to have kids but it has nothing at all do with biology.
ReplyDeleteHugs and happy ICLW!