I woke up this morning excited and happy we were doing our IUI. I have 2 good follies and that gives us a better chance! I was not nervous. I was able to eat. I actually ate a little too much and was a bit uncomfortable on the table. I had a cheesy 80's power ballad playing over and over in my head that was pumping me up even more. I love cheese!
The Dr I liked walked in and cut right to the chase. The sample was not good. The past 2 IUIs the post wash count was not what they like to see, but ok. This time it was even less. (sorry for the lack of details, I don't want to say too much) This Dr is always happy and has hope that it will work. She said that the numbers my not be in our favor, but it is still possible.
I was just kinda in shock and I basically got it in my head right there that it is just not gonna work. We will probably have to move onto IVF. My mind is already preparing itself and pushing the whole IUI out the window. Acting like it never happened. This cycle is a bust.
The Hubby and I had a little talk before he went back to work. He didn't beat around the bush either and agreed it is probably a bust. I asked him how he was feeling about IVF. He told me how badly he wants a child and that we will make it work. It was really nice hearing him say how much he wanted this. He told me he would probably shit himself when he hears how much it will all cost, but he will get over it. This is what we want and we will do it. He says he knows he is ignorant to what is entailed and he knows he doesn't understand like I do what our next steps could be.
I am typing this crying my eyes out right now. I am lost and upset. We have our follow up with Dr G on Friday to see what she suggests we do next. Back when we first started the IUIs she had talked about doing 3 and then maybe doing injections next with IUI. We will see what she thinks now with the post wash counts.
I know I still have my 2WW and I guess it is possible, but my brain keeps pushing it aside. I am not expecting anything and I will probably not be thinking about it these 2 weeks. I will be thinking about our next steps. I know I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and move forward, but it's probably gonna take a while.
I still have the cheesy 80's power ballad stuck in my head, but instead of pumping me up right now it's making me cry. Hopefully if I keep listening to it and some others I can let all these tears out and pump myself up again.
Please enjoy all the cheesy goodness!
Looking in your eyes I see a paradise
This world that I've found is too good to be true
Standing here beside you
Want so much to give you
This love in my heart that I'm feeling for you
Let em say were crazy, I don't care about that
Put your hand in my hand baby
Don't ever look back
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us now
I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna lose you
Whatever it takes I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it through the bad times
Whatever it takes is what I'm gonna do
Let em say were crazy, what do they know
Put your arms around me baby
Don't ever let go
Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if were heart to heart
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us, nothings gonna stop us
Ooh, all that I need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever, ever and ever
And we can build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothings gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
Well still have each other
Nothings gonna stop us
Nothings gonna stop us, whoa
Nothings gonna stop us now, oh no
Hey baby, I know, hey baby, nothings gonna stop us
Hey baby, woo, nothing, hey baby
Nothings gonna stop us now yeah
All I'm going to say is you never know. My hubby has great numbers except for his Morphology last time it was only at 4%... and we got pregnant!! Regardless - I am so excited for, I hope you get a little miracle out of this, and if not then cheers to the next round, lol. (((Bug Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteMassive hugs hun, I will have my fingers crossed so hard for you during this TWW. I truly hope you won't have to get to IVF.
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say... the moment you give up, is the moment it happens. I will say a prayer for you, I hope that you guys don't have to go to IVF, but I think it's great that you're both willing to. I love cheesy 80 songs hahaha, thank you for sharing. I hope it can make you smile again too!
ReplyDeleteOh big hugs, babe! I hope of the few spermies that one of them is a super sperm and will go directly to the egg. IVF is a super tough choice to make, but I assure you, when the time comes you and your husband will be comfortable in whatever you choose. Let's hope you don't make it there, though. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOh man, I'm sorry to hear this. I agree that you never know what will happen with this IUI, but I understand why you would be protecting yourself and your husband at this stage by mentally gearing up for IVF. From the little I know about your history it does seem like you would be good candidates, so if you do choose to proceed, I think you have every reason to be optimistic.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry! Wish I could give you a great big hug.
ReplyDeleteSorry, that's such a bummer. Hoping that one of the spermies that made it is a rock star!
ReplyDeleteHugs and hope for just one super sperm to come through this time! It's totally possible so don't give up hope just yet. Either way, I'm glad you and hubby are on the same page about what the next steps might be. It's a big decision, but remember you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing the cheesy goodness! It made me cry, but not in a bad way.
Two good friends of mine danced to this at their wedding this past September. A beautiful elegant wedding and this was their first dance song, it was awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping the faith for you this time around. Maybe you can just look into IVF to see if your insurance covers anything or if you can get into a good program where you prepay a large amount but i you do not get pregnant they give a portion back. You will do what is best for you but I will say a few of my friends did a few IUIs before their IVFs (which both worked for them) and most of them said they wished they would have just done that sooner.
I hope this one works so yo do not even need to get on that road. Good thoughts to you always!
I truly hope that this IUI works for you. I was in your exact same position in November/December. My husband's already low count was at it's lowest (2 mil post-wash) and I felt like we had no chance after leaving that 3rd IUI. I was crushed at the idea of IVF ("why me???"), but after much research and talking with a lot of people, I got re-energized and more hopeful than I had been in MONTHS. I got a new outlook on our struggle and truly felt jazzed to start. I sure hope you never have to do IVF, but if you do just know you are not alone and your chances of conceiving are SO much higher than with IUI. Like, ridiculously higher! Especially when you're dealing with MFI. Let me know if you have any questions about it and I would be happy to help you out.
ReplyDeleteHUGS.
ReplyDeleteI'm still hoping that one of the sperm meets one of your two eggs anyway, just to show you. You need a different song, maybe an 80's sports montage song...
I know that is upsetting, but as others have said...you only need one!!! IF IVF is in your future, the money will be found. It will be okay and we are here to push you along :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you have such a supportive husband who wants the same things you do! I'm really hoping this IUI still works out for you!
ReplyDeleteIVF can seem to be a scary leap forward. But, your chances of getting pregnant are MUCH better. I hope that this IUI worked though....It never hurts to hope :)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that the results weren't good. IVF seems to be the better choice for most of us. Good luck! I hope you are pregnant this cycle.
ReplyDeleteI'm crossing my fingers for this cycle. But I'm glad you are thinking about your next step...I think it always helps to have something else to look forward to.
ReplyDelete:( I am so very sorry. I TOTALLY know how you feel...although we didn't even get the chance to do IUI. Hubby's sperm are so bad that IUI isn't an option. When we were told that IVF - all $14,000 of it (just for the first TRY at getting pregnant...). I just cried. I balled my eyes out. it's NOT fair that women out there who don't even WANT their kids can get pregnant for FREE yet I have to pay how much?!!! Course - I just keep telling myself - I know that I'll love and cherish my child just that much more!
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to lie or sugar coat it - having to do IVF sucks. It's not fair. BUT it IS going to work!
I am all for medical assistance and science (and honestly it's more the $$ that makes me mad over anything else!) If insurance paid for it, I'd have started the day after they said it was our only chance! haha!
But we will make it work. We all want to have our own families and we deserve that chance!
HUGE hugs to you girl!!!!
And - hey - maybe this last IUI will be your miracle and IVF will only have been a thought in the wind...
Emily, I hope this one is it for you guys!! I understand preparing for the next step just in case, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. You guys will get through this, I promise! xoxo
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug my friend! I wish there was a crystal ball we all had to make those next steps more clear. We'll be cheering for you during this 2ww and we're here for you!
ReplyDelete