Bear @ A Daily Miracle wrote perfectly how I am feeling.
"This year I won't be one of the lucky ones to receive a construction paper card covered with too much glue and glitter, or a bouquet of weeds picked right out of our front yard. I won't be on the receiving end of any big bear hugs or sloppy, sticky kisses."
This year is the first year I am feeling it. Maybe it's because more time has past. Maybe because we have done treatments that didn't work. Maybe it's because I am in my 2WW. Whatever the reason, I am feeling sad. I don't want to get together with my Mom and MIL. I don't feel like calling my many Grandmas and Great Grandmas. I couldn't bring myself to go to church this morning. I want to stay home and do things that make me happy like, oddly enough, finishing a baby blanket for my friend.
Unfortunately we are expected to show up. Lunch with my Mom and dinner with my MIL. I should have talked to them. I know they would have understood, but I feel bad that I might ruin their day because I am sad that I have not experienced what they have.
I bought the cards, picked out willow tree angels perfect for them and will go to lunch and dinner and act like I am fine. I will call my many Grandmas and say Happy First Mother's day to my cousins and friends with new babies. I am going through the motions. And when I come home I will probably cry while the Hubby holds me. I may be sad, but I will get through. And maybe next year I will be able to experience it all. Even if not next year, I know some day.
To everyone out there in the same boat, waiting to experience all this, I feel for you. I know what you are going through and am hoping and praying we all will get our chance soon.
To everyone who is a Mother to an angel baby or even if your baby is living with another family, Happy Mother's day. Your little one, no matter where they are, is so lucky to have such a wonderful Mother.
To everyone who can hold your little ones tight today or rub your little bellies, Happy Mother's day! I thank God that you are able to experience this and so very happy for you.